Friday, August 24, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Day 1 - Me & Only Myself
I thought me and Kyle are now ok. He didn't text me the whole day since he has a training from 11am to 8pm. Don't they have lunch time so he can text me? By the way, it's now 9:30pm, his training must be finish, I was waiting for his text but none came. I don't even know what he's doing in Makati, their training is in Market Market Ambergris Solution near The Fort. Yesterday, I invited him to go out, he doesn't even want to, but now, he's in Makati after his training. What's he doing there anyway? Hmm...
As I've said, Day 1 - Me & Only Myself. I've been trying to get some barkadas and friends but I wasn't able to get one. I tried to stay close to everyone, but no one likes me to be there, they just talk to each other while I'm at their side listening. Most of them share secrets so they talk to each other quietly even if I'm beside them. Oh, my dad is also mad at me. He keeps on comparing me with my bro, that at least he got a stable job that has promotions or can be promoted to a higher position. While me, I like sales. My dad doesn't want to accept that. I'm so lost right now, I have no one to talk to, even if I would text Kyle, he would just tell me lots of excuses such as he doesn't have load and stuff. After Kyle and I talked this morning, I told myself not to be a bother to him anymore. Maybe it's time that I should be quiet enough when I'm with him so he can concentrate on his work now. He's so happy he got a call center job. Kyle told me many times that his mind is set on his goals only. I'm not assuming that I'm still there. All he wants was to save some money and start a car accessories business. That's all he thinks of right now. It's clear that I'm not part of it because he didn't even mention me or anything about me. He also told me this morning that I just have to occupy myself so that I won't think of him. Sad huh? He changed alot but I can't blame him, that's what he wants to do.
My mind is filled with lots of problems and things that haunts me. After everything I've heard and things happening, I wish I can die now. If they only knew what I really feel, deep inside me, I already want to rest for a lifetime - die - rest in peace. In that case, I won't feel all the troubles I'm in right now.
As I've said, Day 1 - Me & Only Myself. I've been trying to get some barkadas and friends but I wasn't able to get one. I tried to stay close to everyone, but no one likes me to be there, they just talk to each other while I'm at their side listening. Most of them share secrets so they talk to each other quietly even if I'm beside them. Oh, my dad is also mad at me. He keeps on comparing me with my bro, that at least he got a stable job that has promotions or can be promoted to a higher position. While me, I like sales. My dad doesn't want to accept that. I'm so lost right now, I have no one to talk to, even if I would text Kyle, he would just tell me lots of excuses such as he doesn't have load and stuff. After Kyle and I talked this morning, I told myself not to be a bother to him anymore. Maybe it's time that I should be quiet enough when I'm with him so he can concentrate on his work now. He's so happy he got a call center job. Kyle told me many times that his mind is set on his goals only. I'm not assuming that I'm still there. All he wants was to save some money and start a car accessories business. That's all he thinks of right now. It's clear that I'm not part of it because he didn't even mention me or anything about me. He also told me this morning that I just have to occupy myself so that I won't think of him. Sad huh? He changed alot but I can't blame him, that's what he wants to do.
My mind is filled with lots of problems and things that haunts me. After everything I've heard and things happening, I wish I can die now. If they only knew what I really feel, deep inside me, I already want to rest for a lifetime - die - rest in peace. In that case, I won't feel all the troubles I'm in right now.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Cry Cry
I thought talking with Kyle will do any good, but nothing happened. It just gone down the drain. I want him back, yet the time is up.
"sorry u had ur chance.but i made up my mind not to continue this anymore. mashado na masakit mga pinagsasabi mo saken so its tym na me to let go of u!" -Kyle
I had a narrow mind, so I don't blame Kyle for this. He wants me to shut up, I hope I can deal this myself. He doesn't even want to believe me that I'm really hurting so much right now, feel lonely, down, so empty, and lost. I have no one to talk to. I'm used to depend on him too much, because even if I'm stubborn and hard-headed, in the end of the day, I know I'm still with him and he's still beside me. But now, things changed, he told me that he learned to be "cold" with me. Once again, I can't blame him at all. Even if he doesn't believe everything I tell him, I can't force him either. He doesn't even believe me that I love him.
He wants all our communications will be stopped. Anyway, I don't want to destroy his life now. He's happy having a work. I should stop worrying about him and depending on him too much is one of my regret for life. Leaving all my friends behind just for him to appreciate me not opening some problems with them. Yet, it never came to the point that he praised me instead he keeps on telling me "as if you can do that".
Kyle and I are now history. I don't want to force him to love me anymore. He doesn't even care for me now. Based on our conversation - It's ok with him if I want to kill myself. All his answers are "OK" and "OK SABI MO EH".
I am really hurting..so much.. But it cannot reach Kyle.. What do he care about me? Nah.. Why should I think about him if he's not thinking or worrying about me..
...Mga taong iwanin nga naman...Kung ano-ano iniisip...
"sorry u had ur chance.but i made up my mind not to continue this anymore. mashado na masakit mga pinagsasabi mo saken so its tym na me to let go of u!" -Kyle
I had a narrow mind, so I don't blame Kyle for this. He wants me to shut up, I hope I can deal this myself. He doesn't even want to believe me that I'm really hurting so much right now, feel lonely, down, so empty, and lost. I have no one to talk to. I'm used to depend on him too much, because even if I'm stubborn and hard-headed, in the end of the day, I know I'm still with him and he's still beside me. But now, things changed, he told me that he learned to be "cold" with me. Once again, I can't blame him at all. Even if he doesn't believe everything I tell him, I can't force him either. He doesn't even believe me that I love him.
He wants all our communications will be stopped. Anyway, I don't want to destroy his life now. He's happy having a work. I should stop worrying about him and depending on him too much is one of my regret for life. Leaving all my friends behind just for him to appreciate me not opening some problems with them. Yet, it never came to the point that he praised me instead he keeps on telling me "as if you can do that".
Kyle and I are now history. I don't want to force him to love me anymore. He doesn't even care for me now. Based on our conversation - It's ok with him if I want to kill myself. All his answers are "OK" and "OK SABI MO EH".
I am really hurting..so much.. But it cannot reach Kyle.. What do he care about me? Nah.. Why should I think about him if he's not thinking or worrying about me..
...Mga taong iwanin nga naman...Kung ano-ano iniisip...
