"Selfish"

Just want to share my feelings right now with my blog because I just can't handle the pain I'm feeling right now. My Dad called over the phone and the maid woke me up. After our conversation, Sweetieby called over and I was still at my bed, pressing my face on the pillow, sleepy, so I was kinda saying those "hmm" thingy.

It breaks my heart when I learn that my Sweetieby is the first guy who told me that I'm "Selfish".

Yes, I've tried my best, but for him, it's not.
Yes, I've always ask him if he's ok or if there's any problem, but for him, it's not.

He asked me if I still love him? Why? Am I not giving him enough love?

.......

Thanks Sulley!

Sulley, thanks for the advice. I'll keep that in mind.

1 Comments:
Sulley :) said...
hey napadaan lang.. chismoso ako eh hehe actually just browsing around lang and nakita ko toh..just my two cents... you cant be plastic in a relationship.. why would you pretend to be someone your not?? that would be like he is in a relationship with another person and not you... white lies are still lies no matter how you look at them... not being able to voice out your problems with your love one means you dont trust him, if he doesnt want to hear them and just wants to have the good side in a relationship that can never happen.. everything has its ups and downs thats why you have each other to hold on to.. you can never be ok if you have a problem.. you can only BE ok if you you don't have any :)

Haayyy...

Due to some personal stuffs and rants I want to put here, I might change my blog's URL.

I just can't talk to the phone with my Sweetieby right now. I'm so scared. I heard him throw his things all over his room. I don't want to let him know that I'm shaking, crying, and scared of what he did. So I just texted him what I want to say.

He even doesn't know that he was the one who gave me strength and make me feel ok in all I do and feel even if I am sometimes down and a little confused. I bet he didn't hear that when I told him over the phone. I felt that he can't understand that. Yes, I rant to him because I want to depend and rely on him but how can I if he always wants me to be ok immediately? I'm not that kind of person, I am ME!! I just want to be ME!! Haayyy..

It is because I love Sweetieby so much that makes me say to him that I will prove to him that I will be strong and be a better person for him even if I can't do that 100%. Yes, I love him more than anything else that's why I'm doing this - I will try not to rant and depend on him right now, in that way, he won't tell me that I'm not following his advices where in fact, I am following all his advices. All he knew was that I'm not following it. Damn!! He didn't even now I was following all his advices and that he comforts me everytime I depend and rely on him with my rants and problems. Anyway, I thank him for that.

"Right now, I'm already decided!! Being a "Plastic" is ok sometimes, white lies maybe? I will prove to him that I'm always ok by not telling him any of my problems and rants. I won't depend on him and I will stand on my own feet (without Sweetieby), I will find other ways to let my downs, rants and problems out myself. All by myself! Amen!!"

*Whew* Wish me luck!!

...Can't Do...

I JUST CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT!!!!! HAAYYY... WHEN WILL I LEARN?!?!? WHEN WILL I UNDERSTAND??? HOW WILL I CHANGE MYSELF TO A BETTER ONE?????

I'm so pissed off with myself "again". Doing things that are not always right seems that I can't be the right girl for my Sweetieby. Damn! Of all the things I did, I just can't do it right!! I keep on asking myself what my Sweetieby always ask me.."Ano ba ako sayo?", "Do I deserve this?", "Bakit mo ako ginaganito?", "Anu pa ba ang kelangan kong gawin? Binigay ko na lahat ng support ko sayo.", "Ano pa ba ako sayo?", "So, pano na to ngayon?", and etc. Do I lack something from my Love? I really can't find any answers when he starts to question me those things. I love my Sweetieby so much, but I think I'm not the right girl for him because I can't seem to do things right!! Laging mali lahat ng ginagawa ko!!!

Yes, I want to rely on him, until when???
Yes, I love my Sweetieby, but I can't do things right!!!!!

There are lots of things inside my mind right now. Sometimes the thought creeps in that I shouldn't have met my Sweetieby after all that maybe he would have a better life without me. This might sound crazy but that's how I really feel.

Yes, I love my Sweetieby so much that's why I want to give him the best of everything!!
Yes, I can't leave my Sweetieby because I love him so much and he's been a great part of me...
Yes, He is always inside my heart...

Oh well......