Why is it that bad things are easily remembered than of the good things made by the person you love to you? Because bad things are like wounds that leave scars (*Note: Scars will always remain because it's etched or like engraved) to us while good things are like memories that leave memories (*Note: Memories comes once in awhile, you don't always remember memories right? Also you'll get used to it especially when you keep on sharing that stories with anybody you knew).
P.S. Kyle always questions me this. If you were in my shoe, what do you think is the answer? There's no right or wrong here. Speak your mind guys. Maybe I'll be able to find the real answer to this question if we sum up all our ideas to it.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Movie Marathon & Jackpot
Despite of having a big fight and arguements this afternoon, me & Kyle still continued our Movie Marathon plan. Epic Movie & Ghost Rider. The movies were great! :) Kyle also got the Jackpot Ticket Prize in the Trivia Machine at Timezone. I'm so overwhelmed with the numbers of tickets we got. He even bought me to the Book Shop, it was totally awesome. Almost all of the books are there. I wish I had taken a photo of that place. It was really nice and all bookworms are there reading books and choosing what they want to purchase. I promise myself that I'll go back to the Book Shop once it opens on March1. Can't wait for it! ^-^
No Chance. No Return.
1.) We had a fight "again"!
--->Nothing New.
2.) He told me that he's so full of me.
--->*Sigh* Always.
3.) I'm full of drama because I always cry.
--->All girls cry when they are hurt, don't they? Or is it just I'm a cry-baby?
4.) He even poked my feet when my crying face is at his pillow, he told me he's talking to me. (In a threat look).
--->He never poke me when he's mad even once but it made me think if he can hurt me physically coz yesterday involves one even if it is not too hard.
5.) He told me that once he gets full of me, he won't talk to me anymore.
--->There's NO CHANCE left for me once he gets full of me. He even told me that he is FULL OF ME already.
6.) He even told me not to bother him anymore with what he wants to do.
--->I only stop him if he's driving too fast. Did he stop doing that? No, because he told me that's his happiness.
7.) Paranoid me?
--->Yep. Maybe. Because I don't know where he's at always. He arrives home late at night (in fact, at dawn). I don't know where he's been going and what's he up to. Sorry guys especially sorry to Lyle, but I've been there. Boys going to bars late at night, hanging out with gurls and go out with them. Boys meet other girls. They don't even care if you do something else like Sex. Yes, I trust my bf and I know he keeps on telling me that he's loyal. (To give too much trust is risky, it's an advantage like what Lyle did to me *Sorry again if I made you as an example Lyle*). But what is it like if you have a bf who never tells you where he always go? And goes home at dawn? He never calls you or never text you and all you know that he was home. So you tried to call their house and his brothers and sisters will tell you he's not yet home. Then later, you will hear or learn to someone else that he went there with us, he did this with us, and etc. After sometime, you also saw pictures with time and date at dawn. Kumbaga, sa iba mo pa nalaman diba? And you start questioning yourself, why didn't you know that? Is he getting tired of me? Am I not fun to be with? Is he having fun with his friends than being with me?
--->Nothing New.
2.) He told me that he's so full of me.
--->*Sigh* Always.
3.) I'm full of drama because I always cry.
--->All girls cry when they are hurt, don't they? Or is it just I'm a cry-baby?
4.) He even poked my feet when my crying face is at his pillow, he told me he's talking to me. (In a threat look).
--->He never poke me when he's mad even once but it made me think if he can hurt me physically coz yesterday involves one even if it is not too hard.
5.) He told me that once he gets full of me, he won't talk to me anymore.
--->There's NO CHANCE left for me once he gets full of me. He even told me that he is FULL OF ME already.
6.) He even told me not to bother him anymore with what he wants to do.
--->I only stop him if he's driving too fast. Did he stop doing that? No, because he told me that's his happiness.
7.) Paranoid me?
--->Yep. Maybe. Because I don't know where he's at always. He arrives home late at night (in fact, at dawn). I don't know where he's been going and what's he up to. Sorry guys especially sorry to Lyle, but I've been there. Boys going to bars late at night, hanging out with gurls and go out with them. Boys meet other girls. They don't even care if you do something else like Sex. Yes, I trust my bf and I know he keeps on telling me that he's loyal. (To give too much trust is risky, it's an advantage like what Lyle did to me *Sorry again if I made you as an example Lyle*). But what is it like if you have a bf who never tells you where he always go? And goes home at dawn? He never calls you or never text you and all you know that he was home. So you tried to call their house and his brothers and sisters will tell you he's not yet home. Then later, you will hear or learn to someone else that he went there with us, he did this with us, and etc. After sometime, you also saw pictures with time and date at dawn. Kumbaga, sa iba mo pa nalaman diba? And you start questioning yourself, why didn't you know that? Is he getting tired of me? Am I not fun to be with? Is he having fun with his friends than being with me?
Monday, February 26, 2007
Shaiya
Usagi-Chan, here's what I've been telling you. The art I was looking for long time ago when we put this airbrush on our Lancer's hood because I don't have the detailed copy of the Graphics. Many thanks for the site. Look at the art, every single details are kinda different from the ones airbrushed.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Words VS. Feelings VS. Changes
Words cannot tell what I feel. I'm so overwhelmed with what I'm trying to deal with myself and changes that I feel between me and Kyle.
Friday, February 23, 2007
Back To You
Back to you. Something new right? I can't take what's going on to me, I keep on kicking and punching my head, haven't sleep yet. Next day, when I was on the taxi to go to work, I can't help but cry, so I talked to the taxi driver if we can go to Kyle's place first before I go to work. Even if I'm scared to see him, all I know is that I wanted to feel his hug again. I tried to fix things and wasn't able to go to work. I hugged him so tightly. I tried to hold back my tears but I just couldn't. I don't know if the reason he get back to me is just because he pity me. Why whould I say that? When I went to their house, I just saw him in his mum's room watching tv. When I gave him a hug and cried again, silence roams around the room. I hope he doesn't just pity me that's why he get back to me.
Going back to him, isn't too easy. There are still consequences that I have to deal with.
1.) Normally he calls every 8:30AM and 7:30PM at the house. Sometimes he even calls me anytime he's free within the day. - But not now. He doesn't even call me even if he's out.
2.) I don't know where he's going always. - I should try not to make it a big deal, he might just get mad at me. This can start a BIG FIGHT "again".
There are still lots of things conquering my mind. Still a little bit unrecovered and confused as well. But I'm glad that somehow, me and Kyle are ok.
Going back to him, isn't too easy. There are still consequences that I have to deal with.
1.) Normally he calls every 8:30AM and 7:30PM at the house. Sometimes he even calls me anytime he's free within the day. - But not now. He doesn't even call me even if he's out.
2.) I don't know where he's going always. - I should try not to make it a big deal, he might just get mad at me. This can start a BIG FIGHT "again".
There are still lots of things conquering my mind. Still a little bit unrecovered and confused as well. But I'm glad that somehow, me and Kyle are ok.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Last Book
Here I am again, trying to write what happend today. Things are very complicated between me and Kyle. He broke up with me. Even if we try to fix things, still, we're not done fighting all over again. I'm too much hard-headed girl, who always wants the attention of Kyle - That's ME!
To those who reads my blog, let me just clarify something to you guys. I don't want you to see Kyle as a bad person..
1.) I can't blame Kyle to what's happening, coz I also hurt him so badly. In a way, I also tried to break up with him many times, but I just can't leave him because I loved him so much with all my heart.
2.) Kyle is one of the best guy I've ever met. One thing's for sure is that he's loyal. Not all guys are like that.
3.) Kyle makes me happy. He always smile that brightens up your day. Even if things aren't working well between us or when I'm so down, he doesn't know that deep inside me, I'm very lucky and happy that I still have him - He never understand this.
4.) I treasure Kyle and I don't want to lose him. Honestly, he's the guy who gave me another reason to live when I lost my ex-bf. I just don't want to tell him this because I don't want him to feel that he's been a "panakip-butas" which is not.
5.) I can't also blame him for not giving me all his support, care, hugs, kisses, caress, and stuffs anymore. Because he told me that I'm not deserving. I think it's true. I don't deserve them at all.
6.) I've been so selfish with Kyle. Because I only want him to be with me always. That's why I think he's already get used to me. Sometimes, I need to let go of him. - I don't know if my english sentence is right. (Naging selfish ako kay Kyle, gusto ko sya laging kasama. Kaya nga naisip ko na parang nasawa nalang din sya saken).
7.) Broken Promises of Kyle. We both have lots of broken promises to each other. I started it. I broke one of my promises and that's how it started. Since then, he break his promises too. We really can't blame Kyle for that. - People gets FULL.
Anyway, I hope things are clear with you guys too. I'm so down right now, can't type all the things I wanted to say. I feel so weak without Kyle. Thanks also for those who left a message and advice in my ChatterBox and Comments.
To those who reads my blog, let me just clarify something to you guys. I don't want you to see Kyle as a bad person..
1.) I can't blame Kyle to what's happening, coz I also hurt him so badly. In a way, I also tried to break up with him many times, but I just can't leave him because I loved him so much with all my heart.
2.) Kyle is one of the best guy I've ever met. One thing's for sure is that he's loyal. Not all guys are like that.
3.) Kyle makes me happy. He always smile that brightens up your day. Even if things aren't working well between us or when I'm so down, he doesn't know that deep inside me, I'm very lucky and happy that I still have him - He never understand this.
4.) I treasure Kyle and I don't want to lose him. Honestly, he's the guy who gave me another reason to live when I lost my ex-bf. I just don't want to tell him this because I don't want him to feel that he's been a "panakip-butas" which is not.
5.) I can't also blame him for not giving me all his support, care, hugs, kisses, caress, and stuffs anymore. Because he told me that I'm not deserving. I think it's true. I don't deserve them at all.
6.) I've been so selfish with Kyle. Because I only want him to be with me always. That's why I think he's already get used to me. Sometimes, I need to let go of him. - I don't know if my english sentence is right. (Naging selfish ako kay Kyle, gusto ko sya laging kasama. Kaya nga naisip ko na parang nasawa nalang din sya saken).
7.) Broken Promises of Kyle. We both have lots of broken promises to each other. I started it. I broke one of my promises and that's how it started. Since then, he break his promises too. We really can't blame Kyle for that. - People gets FULL.
Anyway, I hope things are clear with you guys too. I'm so down right now, can't type all the things I wanted to say. I feel so weak without Kyle. Thanks also for those who left a message and advice in my ChatterBox and Comments.
Monday, February 19, 2007
What's Going On With Us?
Things are starting to fall apart between me and Kyle.
1.) I can't blame him coz even if I didn't mean to hurt him, he would still hurt me. He would say that so we're "quits". KYLE'S MIND - (If you hurt my feelings, I will hurt your feelings too).
2.) He stopped telling me - "I love you".
3.) He told me this awhile ago - "Wala na akong paki-alam sayo".
*Note: After what happened today, I don't feel the love for him anymore. Maybe 1% left. I'm so much hurt. He even promised me that after he resign in BIG Picture Production, he will spend his time with me, but what happend? Nothing! He's spending his time with the E.R.S. more than me. Can't even argue that with him coz he will only tell me that I don't know how to categorize between a "MATERIAL THING" and "ME".
I feel that he's tired of me. I'm already decided that I should help myself start to move-on. I really have no choice but to do this so that I won't get hurt too much. I'm also thankful for him coz he taught me how to be independent, like keeping all my problems within me. Though it makes me feel weak because I'm not used to it, but I think I can still find someone who can catch me anytime I break down. Can't take this anymore. I'm so hurt. I don't know where he is right now - "AGAIN".
1.) I can't blame him coz even if I didn't mean to hurt him, he would still hurt me. He would say that so we're "quits". KYLE'S MIND - (If you hurt my feelings, I will hurt your feelings too).
2.) He stopped telling me - "I love you".
3.) He told me this awhile ago - "Wala na akong paki-alam sayo".
*Note: After what happened today, I don't feel the love for him anymore. Maybe 1% left. I'm so much hurt. He even promised me that after he resign in BIG Picture Production, he will spend his time with me, but what happend? Nothing! He's spending his time with the E.R.S. more than me. Can't even argue that with him coz he will only tell me that I don't know how to categorize between a "MATERIAL THING" and "ME".
I feel that he's tired of me. I'm already decided that I should help myself start to move-on. I really have no choice but to do this so that I won't get hurt too much. I'm also thankful for him coz he taught me how to be independent, like keeping all my problems within me. Though it makes me feel weak because I'm not used to it, but I think I can still find someone who can catch me anytime I break down. Can't take this anymore. I'm so hurt. I don't know where he is right now - "AGAIN".
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Centennial Fiesta Carshow in Bulacan ^^
*Watch out for the Show in RPN9 - February 26, 2007 (3pm-4pm) ^-^
1pc. Sony Amplifier, 2pcs. 12" Sony Xplod and 1pc. V12 Amplifier on the other side :D
1pc. Sony Amplifier, 2pcs. 12" Sony Xplod and 1pc. V12 Amplifier on the other side :D
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Here We Go Again
February - Month of Love. But still I hear lots of couples are breaking up. Maybe it's just because I'm one of them. My Sweetieby asked for a space. Kinda scary huh? He told me that I "don't" have the "right" to feel those things. If I ask for space from him, did he give me that? Hell no! What about him? He ask for some space, but still I have to give him that or else he would just get mad at me by saying "you don't understand me", "you just think of yourself", etc. He get what he wants! He keeps on telling me that I get what I always want! Did I? Of course, he's the one who gets what he wants or else he'll get mad at me. Btw, I don't know where he really is right now. Same as what Lyle did to me, he wants space, he doesn't want me to text him or anything, because of what? Cheating behind my back? Going somewhere else with someone? That's what I'm scared of. Earlier, when he said he wants space and that he won't contact me, I'm decided to ask for a breakup with him, and retain our friendship. I did! He told me that if I will breakup with him, I will loss him permanently. Lots of things are going inside my mind. Will I let him go or not? It already came to his mouth that I'm not deserving everything he gives me at all. Will I still pursue our relationship? I also thought that he would be happy or even notice that I've been quiet with my problems and stuffs lately. But still, no! What am I thinking? I keep on thinking about him. He's not even listening that I really really need him since this morning. I long for his hug. I long for his caress. What do I get? SPACE! Oh great!
I have to go now. Stop crying. Stay in bed and try to figure things out for myself "again". I'm already having a headache. I might as well try to get some rest.
I have to go now. Stop crying. Stay in bed and try to figure things out for myself "again". I'm already having a headache. I might as well try to get some rest.
Monday, February 12, 2007
The "BIG" Difference.
First things first, I can't compose a message the way I want it to be. Some of my messages might be out of this topic, but will try to stay on it.
1.) I don't depend on anyone else anymore. Even Mami Teray, Kuya Dan, and Sweetieby knows I'm ok even if I'm not.
2.) "I can't have everything I want!" - Don't even know, where's my BF. If it's other people to meet up with him, he's so fast.
Example:
*9am in the morning.
Kyle: Papaliguan ko pa si Oz.
aBy: Ahh.. Ok..
*9:30am - 10am in the morning (Kyle's at ERS already)
---Difference---
*9am in the morning.
Kyle: Paliguan ko si Oz kasi one week na sya walang ligo.
aBy: Ahh.. Ok.. I wanna see you na eh..
Kyle: Sige na, bibilisan ko na to.
aBy: Ok.
*2pm in the afternoon (sa wakas, he arrived na rin!)
3.) "Nakakatamad at nakakasawa na magkwento ng mga problems." - Helps me to keep quiet and hide my feelings.
4.) Keeping and hiding problems to myself makes me feel 'I'm running away from my problems' and 'It seems that I'm not achieving anything or any goals'. - Makes me short-tempered and sensitive.
5.) Sleepless nights.
6.) Longing for sweetness.
7.) Running away from doing decisions. - Makes me feel hopeless and Helpless.
8.) Avoiding friends, close friends, and etc. - Helps me to not open up with anyone of them.
9.) Wanting to have a vacation due to stress, problems, and stuffs.
10.) Don't mind or expect something from "Promises" too much. - It can break your relationship and it will only break your heart.
11.) I don't deserve it. - That's according to him because I don't listen to him and etc. (How about now? Do I still ask for any help or anything from you?-No! Are you aware of what's going on with me lately?-Nah! Biting nails = Makes me somehow lessen the panic mode "maybe").
My apologies, as of now, I can't continue this topic anymore. "Nakakatamad at nakakasawa na magkwento ng mga ganito and other problems." I think I have to wait for another time when I feel like writing again.
1.) I don't depend on anyone else anymore. Even Mami Teray, Kuya Dan, and Sweetieby knows I'm ok even if I'm not.
2.) "I can't have everything I want!" - Don't even know, where's my BF. If it's other people to meet up with him, he's so fast.
Example:
*9am in the morning.
Kyle: Papaliguan ko pa si Oz.
aBy: Ahh.. Ok..
*9:30am - 10am in the morning (Kyle's at ERS already)
---Difference---
*9am in the morning.
Kyle: Paliguan ko si Oz kasi one week na sya walang ligo.
aBy: Ahh.. Ok.. I wanna see you na eh..
Kyle: Sige na, bibilisan ko na to.
aBy: Ok.
*2pm in the afternoon (sa wakas, he arrived na rin!)
3.) "Nakakatamad at nakakasawa na magkwento ng mga problems." - Helps me to keep quiet and hide my feelings.
4.) Keeping and hiding problems to myself makes me feel 'I'm running away from my problems' and 'It seems that I'm not achieving anything or any goals'. - Makes me short-tempered and sensitive.
5.) Sleepless nights.
6.) Longing for sweetness.
7.) Running away from doing decisions. - Makes me feel hopeless and Helpless.
8.) Avoiding friends, close friends, and etc. - Helps me to not open up with anyone of them.
9.) Wanting to have a vacation due to stress, problems, and stuffs.
10.) Don't mind or expect something from "Promises" too much. - It can break your relationship and it will only break your heart.
11.) I don't deserve it. - That's according to him because I don't listen to him and etc. (How about now? Do I still ask for any help or anything from you?-No! Are you aware of what's going on with me lately?-Nah! Biting nails = Makes me somehow lessen the panic mode "maybe").
My apologies, as of now, I can't continue this topic anymore. "Nakakatamad at nakakasawa na magkwento ng mga ganito and other problems." I think I have to wait for another time when I feel like writing again.
