Song For The Day-8 ^^

Katherine McPhee - Over It
I'm over your lies,
and I'm over your games.
I'm over you asking me,
when you know I'm not okay.
You call me at night,
and I pick up the phone.
And then you be telling me,
I know your not alone.
ohh..

Thats why
(your eyes)
I'm over it
(your smile)
I'm over it
(realize)
I'm over it
I'm over it
I'm over..

Wanting you,
to be wanting me.
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I'm so over..
Moving on, its my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..

I'm over your hands,
and I'm over your mouth.
Trying to drag me down,
and fill me with self-doubt.
ohh..

Thats why,
(your words)
I'm over it
(so sure)
I'm over it
(i'm not your girl)
I'm over it
I'm over it
I'm over...

Wanting you,to be wanting me.
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I'm so over..
Moving on, its my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..

Don't call,don't come by,
ain't no use,don't ask me why,
you'll never change,
there'll be no more crying in the rain.

Wanting you,to be wanting me.
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I'm so over..
Moving on, its my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..
I'm so over it....
I'm over it....

Wanting you,to be wanting me.
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I'm so over..
Moving on, its my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..

Speed & Cake ^-^

Speed


Cake

Blog Blog

I don't know if blogger.com is not working for how many weeks ago. It's hard to open my Blog and if I view my Journal, all the items, links, counters and shoutbox won't load. Until now, I'm having a hard time opening my blog. All the command buttons and everything won't also work. I hope this will go through.

I Tried. Nothing Happend. Bounced Back.

QUESTION: AKALA NYO ANG PAG-OPEN UP SA RELATIONSHIP AY MAKAKABUTI??
ANSWER: SUS! HINDI RIN KAYO MAGKAKAINTINDIHAN!!! PA-OPEN UP OPEN UP PA KAYO DYAN, EH HINDI NAMAN KAYO MAGKAKAINTINDIHAN DIN!! LABO DIN ANO? MAS MALALAMAN PA NG BF OR GF NYO KUNG PANO MAKIPAG-PLASTIKAN DAHIL KUNG ANU GUSTO MONG GAWIN AT MANGYARI, YUN NALANG ANG GAGAWIN NILA. IN THE END, KAW RIN ANG TALO. DAHIL NAKUKUHA MO NGA ANG GUSTO MO MANGYARI PERO DINEMAND MO LANG SA PARTNER MO, HINDI NILA YAN KUSA GUSTONG GAWIN (ANO YUN? ONE-SIDED RELATIONSHIP?). TALO KA RIN SA HULI AT HINDI MO MALALAMAN KUNG SINCERE PA SAYO ANG BF OR GF MO SAYO. DAHIL KAW NALANG ANG HUMIHINGI KUNG ANO GUSTO MO MANGYARI EH DIBA?

EXAMPLE:
ME: GUSTO KO NA PAG MAY PROBLEMA AKO OR SOMETHING ANDYAN KA..
KYLE: GANITO NALANG, HINDI NA AKO MAGSASALITA KUNDI MAG-OO NALANG AKO AT SASABIHIN KO NALANG NA KAYA MO YAN. TUTAL HINDI KA NAMAN MAKIKINIG RIN SAKEN.
ME: AYAW KO NG GANUN EH..
KYLE: SIGE, KUNG GUSTO MO, TUTULUNGAN KITA, BIBIGYAN KITA NG PAYO, TAPOS BAHALA KA NA KUNG MAKIKINIG KA O HINDI. TUTAL HINDI KA RIN NAMAN NAKIKINIG SAKEN EH. SAYANG LANG LAWAY KO. (SO ANO NAPALA NYO? EDI NASAKTAN KA PA SA SINABI NYANG MGA SALITA. NAG-OPEN UP KA NA NGA, KAW PA ANG NASABIHAN NG MGA NAKAKASAKIT NA SALITA AT PAGPLAPLANUHAN PA NG BF OR GF NYO KUNG ANO ANG AYAW NYO MANGYARI SA GUSTO MO MANGYARI OR PWEDE RIN NA KAW NALANG ANG HUMIHINGI NG KUNG ANO GUSTO MO MANGYARI. ANO YUN? DEMANDING KA NALANG SA PARTNER MO PARATI? ONE-SIDED RELATIONSHIP O ROBOT?).

BY THE WAY...
1.) HE WANTS THESE FOLLOWING:
A.) LAGING SUMAGOT AGAD PAG MAY TINATANONG SYA OR KUNG NAGUUSAP KAMI.
B.) PAG SINIMULAN KO MAGLAMBING, WAG IBITIN.
C.) SA KAMAY MAGHAWAK.
2.) I TRIED TO OPEN UP WITH KYLE, NOTHING HAPPEND. GANUN PA RIN. HINDI LANG KAMI MAGKAKAINTINDIHAN AND LALO LANG NAPASAMA. HINDI NA DAW SYA MAGIGING KATULAD NG DATI. - ANG DAMI PA NAMAN NYA PINROMISE SAKEN SOBRA SOBRA TAPOS NAGING FEELING SECURED NAMAN AKO, I WAS WRONG, HINDI NAMAN PALA. I THOUGHT NA KUNG MAKIUSAP AKO ULIT SA KANYA NGAYON, IT WOULD END UP LIKE WHAT WE ARE DATI, HINDI NAMAN PALA. NICE TRY.

EXAMPLE:
ME: SWEETIEBY.. KELANGAN KO NG MAY MAG-GUIDE SAKEN.. INIWAN NA AKO NG IBANG LAGI KO KAUSAP DAHIL HINDI AKO NAKIKINIG SA KANILA EH..
KYLE: HINDI KA NGA NAKIKINIG SAMIN EH. LAHAT NG TAO MAY KANYA KANYANG PASENSYA BINIBIGAY SAYO HANGGAT SA MAGSAWA SILA. (SO U MEAN YUNG DATI MO PINAGMAMALAKI SAKEN NA HINDI KA MAGSASAWA, EH NAGSAWA KA DIN RIGHT?).

ANG DAMI PA SOBRA ANG GUSTO KONG SABIHIN DITO! MARAMING DIFFERENCES NA DAPAT KONG TANGGAPIN. PAG HINDI KO RAW SYA KAYANG TANGGAPIN KUNG SINO SYA, IWAN KO DAW SYA (HINDI NAMAN SI KYLE DATI GANITO EH), KUNG GUSTO KO RAW SYA IWAN, WALA NA SYANG PAKI-ALAM (DATI SINASABI NI KYLE SAKEN NA KUNG IIWAN KO SYA, ASA NALANG AKO, NGAYON WALA NA, OK LANG DAW KUNG IIWAN KO SYA. IT MEANS, HAHAYAAN NALANG NYA AKO MAWALA, YUN LANG), AT MADAMI PANG IBA. ISA ISAHIN NATIN PAG MAY ORAS AT KUNG NAALALA KO YUNG IBA. HALOS SABOG NA AKO SOBRA EH! SARILING ULO KO GUSTO KO NG BASAGIN AT MAMATAY NALANG PARA MATAHIMIK NALANG AKO.

Good & Bad

Today was my lucky day. I was able to hug Kyle lots of times. Everything seems great this day but due to some fast driving at the dawn makes me feels bad that turned out to be a bad day for the both of us again. My classmate Ryan Atienza just died on a car accident, he bump into a Bus Station or Bus Stop Stand, he's brain were all out of his head. It's fresh on my mind that our friend, high school classmate just passed away. Last night, around 1:30AM, we were going back to Manila from Imus Cavite Carshow. It started when we were in Coastal Road, he didn't see the jeep infront of us that he have to swerved on the other side of the road and step on the break because the hutchback car is infront of us too. I just don't know why he wants to drive too fast and play around with other cars such as taxi. He keeps on overtaking on a normal road then I told him not to drive too fast because I'm scared, but he'll only tell me that "Anu ka ba?! Gusto ko to gawin eh! Itong gusto ko!", "Pinagtritripan ko lang yung taxi" then he would cut the taxi if we get on a stoplight. He told me that "Pabayaan mo nalang ako! Ito ang gusto ko eh! Hihihi!". If I'm scared, he'll only tell me "Oh! Ayan ka na naman, simangot na naman!", "Oh! Ayan ka na naman!", "Anu ba?! Ang arte arte mo!". Hindi pa sya nadadala sa dating nangyari sa L300 nila sa Quezon Avenue when I was with him. Muntik na sya matubo, nasira pa ang L300, at galit na galit ang mga tao samin na hinagisan na kami ng mga kung anu anung bagay sa kotse. For just a simple horn of L300 palang yun, what more if iniipit mo ang isang kotse or nakikikarera ka dahil wala lang, trip mo lang kasi eh..? Anyway, I keep on forgetting that I shouldn't care of anything between us especially my life now but still I keep on saying "I still want to live and I'm happy with my life" to myself that I shouldn't be. Kyle didn't know that I always feel my life's at stake whenever we're inside his car. I'm no longer his responsibility anymore too. I should keep that in mind. Many times, I keep on forgetting that, did you know that that's the reason why we always fight? Because I'm like his mum daw telling him not to drive too fast and etc. Isn't it great not having a right with your boyfriend? - Can't even warn him or else. Yeah! I should try to mantain everything he wants, it's the best way to keep our relationship at peace and steady.

P.S. I don't want to take this topic out my blog just in case.

Sex Partner

I know we are mature now to talk about things like "Sex Partner". First things first, I don't see this maliciously, not even shy or bothered to share this to my blog. Some people have sex because that's where they let all their stress, pressure and problems out even for awhile it gets your brain more rooms and oxygen while some do it for their own pleasure. Honestly, I was confused with what I'm feeling lately, a kind of feeling that I want to do it. This started last month of January (at first, it was just nothing and it wasn't this bad) until today (it becomes worst each day and now it affects the whole me). Kyle has lots of things in mind and lots of problems so things aren't that good between us. He explained that to me. I'm trying to understand that as much as I can but behinda that some stupid thoughts crossed my mind, thinking if I can get a sex partner. I have shared this topic with 2 guys and 1 girl. They told me that it's ok because I'm the ones who's going to decide about that. 2 guys offered me to be their sex partner or we're just going to try it once. Is it normal to think about this? Then I thought of some guys who looks for girls so they can have sex with them. I also thought of some girls who looks for guys so they can have sex with them too. I known some girls do that with no malice at all. Now I know the feeling why they look for it. I remember when I still don't know anything about this, I was trying to figure out what they feel, why do they like to have sex and why are they looking for this kind of stuffs with others. For me, sex makes a relationship stronger. It is true! Anyway, back to where I was. I plan to have a sex partner but still I'm deciding although I know I still have things to consider - I'm still with Kyle, it wouldn't be nice to have one. Maybe I just have to keep on holding on and keep in mind that I should be loyal to him after all. I thought of the old me, I missed being innocent, the old me - knows nothing and people keeps laughing at me because I don't know anything about this stuffs.

"Maling Akala"

I thought things between me and Kyle are ok now but I'm wrong. For Kyle, we're ok because I'm the one who always go to him, call him, talk to him, take away my pride if there's any fights or arguments and etc. I'm starting to get full. Can't even depend on him especially when I ask help from him. I don't even feel his love anymore. I'm too confused with the feelings I have now. I'm trying to push myself to him while he's trying to push himself away from me.

I'm already trying to leave all the past memories me and Kyle had because all of his promises are not coming anymore. I don't want to dwell with all his promises to me. I don't even want to keep his promises anymore or else I'll just end up getting hurt and nothing.

I know that I have another book to close that wouldn't close because I only keep on coming back to him (Kyle). Honestly, I should learn to stop loving him. I'm trying to take this one step at a time - can't do it once and for all. I still love him even if I don't get or feel his love for me. Hopefully, I can close our book little by little. Maybe this will help me move on and just treat him as a friend or buddy. In that way, I can still be with him and not only love him in distance but beside me always.

Sayonara Ms. Fashionista

*Sigh* I asked Kyle to help me with the screenshots of my Audition character because I wanted to join the contest "Ms. Fashionista" for this month of March. Days or weeks passed by, he asked me to go to his house and bring my laptop but my cellphone is broken (it shuts down and doesn't want to open) that's why I got his message late that I can't go out of our house anymore because dadidudez is home already. He told me the other day that he would've take the printscreens if I got to his house when he asked me to go there. I even told him awhile ago that some people in Audition wants to vote for my character, so that makes me more excited...he just turned me down. He told me "Practice lng yan". Practice to take my own printscreens while I play. Oh great! I even tried that many times, it's too hard pressing all the "directions (arrows)" and "spacebar" below the keyboard then you still have to press the "printscreen" above the keyboard, by the time I pressed the printscreen, my character is not dancing anymore. I envy those who were able to join, they have lots of beautiful screenshots, every move of their characters has it's own screenshots as well. I just wish Kyle would help me out, but he won't do it. We'll just have arguments so might as well stop dreaming of joining the Ms. Fashionista contest.

"Lagi Nalang Ako Mali"

Never a day na hindi kami nagaaway at nagtatampuhan. Hindi ko na talaga alam. Napapa-tagalog na ako ngayon sa blog ko. Lagi nalang akong mali sa paningin ni Kyle. Naninindak pa sya. Kanina ok naman kami, pero since kakain na kami nung gabi, tinanong nya ako kung saan ko daw gusto kumain, so sinabi ko sa chowking. Tapos, nung malapit na kami sa chowking, nakita namin na sarado. So, sabi nya, pumili pa daw ako ng iba. Sabi ko may chowking pa dun sa may Quezon Avenue, sabi nya malayo na daw yun. Eh ang bukas nalang dun samin ay yung KFC and Yellow Cab. Sabi ko sa KFC nalang kung gusto nya. Nung magpa-park na kami, napansin ko na parang maliit yung parking space (which is normally umaangal si Kyle pag maliit ang parking space lalo na kung pataas dahil baka tumama yung bumper nya), kaya tinanong ko sya na "sure ka, na dyan ka magpapark?" (Meron pa sa looban, mas patag ang parking lot dun). Nagalit ba naman sakin! Sabi nya "Umuwi nalang nga tayo!". Tapos sabi ko "Sorry! Bakit ba? Inaalala ko lang naman na baka sumagi or hindi kayanan sa bumper mo!". Ang sagot nya saken "Haay! Ang dami dami mo pa kasi sinasabi!" (Sobrang nakakatakot dahil inis na inis na sya saken). Edi nagpatakbo ba sya ng mabilis at inikot nya ng mabilis sobra yung kotse nya papuntang bahay namin. Tapos nun sabi ko sa kanya na "Kumain na kasi tayo dahil gutom tayo!". Ayun, nagalit pa sya saken. After nun, sabi nya "San ba talaga?!" (Galit na galit yung tono nya). Sabi ko "Sa KFC na nga eh!". Kaya bumalik na naman kami dun sa area. Sinabi pa nya na "Ayoko na sa KFC, pumili ka ng iba at magisip ka pa ng iba!". Sabi ko. "Grabe! Yan nalang ang bukas eh! Pumili ka! KFC or Yellow Cab?!". Sabi nya saken "Ikaw na kasi pumili!" (Galit na galit na galit na sobra). Sabi ko "Eh kung ayaw mo sa KFC, edi sa Yellow Cab nalang, dahil yun nalang bukas talaga dito sa area namin eh!". Tapos tinanong pa nya ako ha! "Kaw?! San ba?!". So sinabi ko kung san ko talaga gusto, edi sinagot ko sa kanya "Sa KFC"! Ito ang masayang sinagot nya saken "Cge, ikaw sa KFC, ako sa Yellow Cab!". Anu yun diba? Mali ko na naman!! Lagi nalang ako ang may mali eh!! Ang bilis sobra kumulo ng dugo nya saken! Tapos pag dating sa loob, ako pina-order. Nag-order ako sa counter, tinanong ko pa yung cashier kung anu masarap sa dalawa? Yung mushroom or 4 cheese pizza? Sabi nung cashier "ay ma'am, yung 4 cheese po!". Ako naman, ok na dun! Aba, nung pagdating nung pizza, galit na galit na naman saken si Kyle. Mali na naman ako!! O diba? Tapos ang dami dami nya sobra pinagbubulong at pinagsasabi! Galit na galit sobra sobra saken si Kyle! Kulang nalang makakaluto na ako ng itlog sa ulo nya pag nakikita at nakakasama nya ako dahil mali naman ako lagi para sa kanya eh! Ayun, tig-isa lng kinain namin na pizza tapos umalis na kami agad. Feeling ko tuloy na hindi na talaga ako para sa kanya at hindi ko na sya napapasaya dahil mali nalang ako parati. Nung inuwi nya ako, galit na galit pa rin sya saken, iniwan na nga lang ako pumasok sa bahay dahil kaagad sya bumaba ng kotse dala mga gamit ko eh. Normally, naguusap pa kami sandali sa kotse bago ako bumababa. Kanina, naku! Iniwan nalang ako. Gusto ko na nga magwala kanina eh. Ayoko lang na may magising samin dito kaya pinigil ko kahit napakahirap sobra. Ewan ko ba. Mali lang kasi ako lagi eh. Hindi ko na alam kung paano ko pa mapapasaya si Kyle. Parang ayaw na rin kasi nya kaya laging mabilis nalang uminit ulo nya saken siguro. Sobrang ayaw ko lang mawala itong si Kyle, kaya ko gusto syang tiisin kahit na may konteng takot ako. Wala naman akong masabihan ng nararamdaman ko talaga sa loob ko eh! Kung gaano kasakit at naguguluhan na ako sobra. Hindi ko naman sya masabihan ng mga ito at makapag-open up eh. Dahil malaking gulo lang ang abot ko sa kanya at yan ang ikakagalit na naman nya saken.

Empty

I don't know how to help myself anymore. I keep on dwelling with what me and Kyle had the past year in our relationship. He spoils me, he loves me for who I am, he wants my world to revolve around him, he wants me to depend on him always, he guides me, he warms my heart, I feel his love to me - so much, he cares for me, we always text especially our schedules with each other, he calls everytime to me, he knows no-busy schedules whenever he's with me and etc.
1.) I don't know how to control myself - I just want to hurt myself and go crazy inside my room. I keep on kicking and throwing all the things inside my room.
2.) I feel EMPTY since Kyle has changed alot - He has a personal problem that caused him to change maybe.
3.) I still have to make lots of adjustments - I don't know where to start now.
4.) Stop loving Kyle too much - NO good for me to love him so much and NO Obsession too.
5.) I keep on panicking, I feel so cold, I feel so empty, I miss everything about Kyle and lots and lots of things.

I just want to control myself, how to stop feeling this thing that I shouldn't throw things and stop being crazy as a hell because of loving Kyle so much. I have no one to exhaust to, this is one of the reason he won't understand why I go crazy and do stupid things such as throwing all the things I have inside my room. I just want Kyle! How I wish that Kyle would not only be my boyfriend but also a loving caring dependable bestfriend, companion, my exhaust and stuffs. He's like that when we were at our first year relationship, now it's all gone. =_(

Things To Do/Remember:

1.) I have no right to Kyle.
2.) I have no right to ask/know where Kyle is.
3.) I should try not to text him too much to avoid him getting full of me.
4.) I should try not to let my world revolve around him.
5.) No S************!! - It can make a Big Difference.
6.) Stop being a stubborn "Makulit" person.
7.) One Question = One Answer.
8.) No "Speak your mind", or else, you'll just end up in a Big Fight.