A Liar

“…If the feeling is gone... Pls. don’t pretend... That you still love me... I can see it in your eyes... Though you try to conceal it... I can tell that the feeling is gone… All I ask… I just a little honesty… Though I know… That you’re not coming back to me… You know... I’ll do anything to make you stay… But I just have to let you go… If the feeling is gone…”

“…I’m so tired of being here… Suppressed by all my childish fears… And if you have to leave… I wish that you would just leave… Coz your presence still lingers here... And it won’t leave me alone…”

After hearing lots of songs, I’ve realized that my Sweet won’t come back to me anymore because of me being “A Liar”. It’s the end and I must face it. I still can’t accept the things he told me maybe because it was true that I’m a liar, I’m a pok-pok, I’m not a good girlfriend to him and, etc. Well, it’s true, I’ll just have to agree with him about that. Now, my Sweet can’t seem to forgive me even if time pass by. I’m trying not to expect too much and I shouldn’t expect my Sweet would come back to me. I should try to absorb that we’re really through from what he said to me “he wants me to leave him” and “he doesn’t love me anymore”. I know he hates liar, but I just want to say that I’m really sorry for myself because I wasn’t able to tell my Sweet about Artwork and because I tend to be “FORGETFUL” especially whenever I’m with my Sweet. I told my Sweet about me being forgetful many times but I think he won’t believe me that because to him I’m a liar. Why should I force myself to my Sweet when he doesn’t want me anymore? I know it’s time that I should accept things even if I know it hurts so much. I know that I let him touch me already and those things we have shared are the ones that will always remain in me. I won’t find another guy because I won’t let them know that someone has already touched me. That’s a promise I must keep or else to others, they’ll still call me pok-pok like what my Sweet told me “I’m a pok-pok”. It’s pulling me down and I could taste the soil, squeezing myself in the ground whenever I remember that. Everything is not going to be easy but I know it’s about time to let go when the person you love doesn’t love you anymore. I have to set him free if he wants to, that’s when you’re love will be happy. I can’t even change my Sweet anymore since he’s mind is already closed that I’m a liar. I can’t even prove to him since he doesn’t believe me anymore and how can I prove if he’s not here and if he won’t give me a chance? Let me clear this that it’s not that I’m giving up but there are times I should do what my Sweet wants. If he wants to leave me, I must learn not to force him not to leave me even if I like him to stay. First things first, if I forced him, he won’t be happy with me and we’ll just end up fighting like my parents. To what I saw from my parents, my mum still loves my dad, but my dad wants to be free, my mum won’t let go of dad, so my dad and mum tends to fight. It’s not easy to leave a person who’s been a part of me and who’s been always there to help me but I can’t ask my Sweet to stay with me if he doesn’t want to. It’ll just hurt the both of us, but if I’ll let go of my Sweet as what he wish for, I know I can see and feel he’s happiness that might help me understand him that he wants me to set him free could lead him to his happiness. I’ll just have to bear with this pain and I’ve been regretting for many days and crying all day long in my bed to what I did. Look what I've done?! I shouldn’t be forgetful!! T-T

Things I must face:
1.) My Sweet won’t come back to me anymore.
2.) My Sweet can’t forgive me even time pass by because to him I’m a liar.
3.) Anytime, my Sweet will have a new girlfriend.
4.) I’m a pok-pok!!
5.) He don't love me anymore.
6.) He wants me to leave him.
7.) He told me "Kahit na dinudugo ka na dyan or dugo na iniiyak mo dyan, wala akong paki-alam sayo!!"
8.) He gave all his word to me. T-T

These coming days, I should start to face these things since I need to understand my Sweet that he wants me to set him free and he doesn’t love me anymore. I must, because he already did this to Darlene and Baby Ria. It’s because they lied to my Sweet that lead them for break-up. That means I’m the third girl… T-T I couldn’t accept I’ve lost the one I love and to think I thought my Sweet is my destiny already. Now, I have to say it’s goodbye to our wedding too. I know my Sweet so well, if what he thinks it is, that’s fixed and cannot be changed. He already gave his word to me. T-T I’ve almost have 8,000php for our wedding for it was my surprise to him but it’s too late…I’ve lost my Sweet… T-T

I hope things will go well for you Sweet… I know you want me to leave you na and you can’t afford to stay with me because I’m a liar… But soon or one of these days if you’ll have a new girlfriend, pls. do tell her don’t be like me… T-T If she hurts you, I might be the one to kill her myself!! T-T

My last few words… “Sweet, I’m really sorry if I’ve been “forgetful”… Sorry if that means a lie to you… I’m regretting too much for being not a good girlfriend for you...I could have been good..but even if I’m not, I just want to tell you that I’ve really tried my best… Nasira lang ako sa sobrang makalimutin lalo na pagkasama kita nawawala ako sa sarili ko… Anyway, I hope in time you can read this… Honestly, I can’t promise myself that I can move on because you’ve been a part of me..so much…and I can’t accept that you’re gone… We’ve been together for almost a year and still, it’s been engraved inside me and no one can take that away from me..not even if I die… I won’t donate my heart… =_) You'll always be my Idol and my Sweet and who'll still be loving you secretly... Thanks for bearing with me for a year Sweet… It really means so much to me… I’m going to miss you… and… Don’t you ever forget…that… I love you so much…”

“…So before I let you go…I want to say…I love you…”

“…Letting go…is just another way to say…I’ll always love you so…”