My Last Message If I Wasn't Able To Make It

It started when my Sweet broke up with me because of those stupid things I did. I just asked bro to help me talk with my Sweet Weightless since my Sweet won't let me come back to him. Until now, the words that my Sweet told me like "I don't love you anymore!!" was still inside my heart, inside my veins, vessels, blood and body that flows around and around. Why do I love my Sweet so much even though I know he don't love my anymore? Why am I forcing him to love me when he don't love me anymore? Why can't I afford to lose him? T-T I know those answers but I want the answers to remain with me until I die. Btw, what happened between Sis Shaela and me is ok with me because I understand her attitude. I asked for forgiveness to Sis Shaela many times even if we were ok. I know Sis Shaela has lots of rants and whines and things to say about her boyfriend Sieg too and I'm not the kind of person who'll backstab someone even if they did something wrong to me and even if Sieg said some things that hurted me so much in my thread. Also, my Sweet told me not to fight with other guys in Insu Guild or else, he's the one I'll be facing with. Anyway, yesterday, Feb. 26, 2005, I decided to buy tranquilizer at different kinds of drugstores after me and my Sweet talked over my cellphone. The saleslady was so mean that they wouldn't allow me to buy it since they saw my eyes are swollen. They even told me that I should have a prescription from a doctor first. I really need it so badly and I asked them again and again but I just end up with no tranquilizer to help me calm to my heart. So I decided to take some other medicine pills to overdose myself. I know this is a bad thing to do but I know I'm bad too! Bad gurls should be exterminated!! Tonight, Feb. 27, 2005, I decided to take lots of medicines such as my first trial will be the "Tylenol". If it doesn't work, I'll try to buy some cough syrup and drink the whole of it. I'm afraid to know when the time comes if my Sweet won't come back to me and if he has found another gurl that's better than me and replace me. I've trusted my Sweet so much, one explain should be enough for me but maybe I just couldn't control my tone that makes him think that I'm doubting him. I couldn't even choose the right word on how to say it. I know regrets will always be at the end.

@Sweet
Hi Sweet! Sorry if I have to do this. I just can’t afford to lose you. You’ve been a part of me and kaw idol ko simula nung nakilala pa lng kita!! I still reminisce the things happened to us from the day we’ve met until now. Sorry if I’ve never been a good and perfect howe for you… Always remember that all that happens to us are not a lie… I love you so much!

I Made My Own Nightmare

Like what my Sweet told me "you made your own nightmare". I don't know what I feel right now. Hurt is the best way to describe it. I just hurt my Sweet so much that I couldn't accept it. My Sweet even told me not to call him "Sweet" anymore and we're through. I cried so hard but it seems I wasn't able to release them myself knowing my Sweet left me because of the stupid things I've made. My Sweet even told me "I don't love you anymore!"; "tom. morning hahanap na ako agad ng gurlfriend!" and "Even if dugo na ang iyak o luha mo dyan or dinudugo ka na,wala akong paki-alam sayo!" It really makes me hurt so much since he told me those things. I asked for help from bro but it seems that he wasn't able to help me that much. My Sweet told me that "I promised your bro that I won't leave you". I still don't know what to do until now hindi pa rin sya nagpaparamdam saken. The things he told me was so clear to me and I couldn't forget those striking words he said. It was engraved in my heart after he told me that. I just wish my Sweet Weightless will still come back to me one of these days because I really really need him so much now. I was still a bit shaky since I'm scared that my Sweet would find another gurl for him. I just don't know what to do right now. I'm so lost and it's like I'm in the middle of nowhere trying to find my Sweet in a desert... I love him so much and he's been a part of me... I don't know what to do if I lost him. If that happens, I want to end my life as well... I just couldn't take it that I've lost the one I truly love... :(

First Anniversary!! :D

Me and my Sweet Weightless celebrates our First Anniversary!! :D Wakokoko!


My Sweet Weightless sleeping.. -_-


The Sunset at Baywalk when we got there in the afternoon. We had some lechon manok, iced tea, soup and rice that's enough for both of us while we enjoy the ambience!! ^^

I love you so much my Baby Sweet Weightless!! :D

...Shaky...

Again.. I've been shaking because I kept on panicking about my Sweet. I know he's not gonna talk to me again since I already gave my word. He's so mad at me knowing I envy his cousin so much. In fact, I shouldn't be expecting my Sweet to come back since he doesn't even know how and he doesn't love me anymore. "Pinilit lng kasi sya nila Kaye and Elon na magkabalikan kami eh...", that's why I know my Sweet doesn't love me anymore. I was to marry my Sweet but..it came to my mind that my Sweet doesn't love me for who I really am. "Sino masasandalan ko? masasabihan ng problema?" I know I'll regret this for life!! I should've marry him eventhough I know he doesn't love me. "Sumakay nalang sana ako, edi sakin ka pa sana kaht hindi mo ako mahal..." that's what my heart is saying right now while I'm shaking. I think I need to calm down to stop this shaky thing because of panicking...

Kaye

Kaye was my Sweet's cousin. I just broke up with my Sweet because of just two things.. "jealousy" and "selfishness". My Sweet doesn't even understand why I envy his cousin so much. These are the lists:
1.) My Sweet spends most of his time with his cousin than me.
2.) His cousin can laugh and have a joke with him.
3.) His cousin can persuade him not to drink (alcohols).
4.) His cousin can emote, open up, and share things.
5.) Can persuade my Sweet easily.

Why can't my Sweet understand that? I'm just sharing him those things when he asked me to share it with him. Funny..

Valentines Date!! /lv

This has been my first unforgettable IRL date! :) I really won't forget this day since my date was my Sweet Weightless! :D It's been different for us because last valetines day Feb. 14, 2004 was the day we dated at Orcville, now, it's an IRL date!! ^^ hihi..


Here's my Sweet Weightless fixing our pc at home where he finds himself with a friend. :P After we fixed our pc, we went to Nigel's shop to siege then we went straight to Baywalk. We had our dinner at Shakey's and ordered a package that's good for 4 person!! hahaha! That's kewl! :P~ I kept some pictures and paste some of Shakey's receipts and spaghetti monster meatballs advertisements at my Weightless Diary too! :D

It's truly different though!! (*Ü*)

I Missed My Old Sweet Weightless

Like the title says..”I Missed My Old Sweet Weightless…” so much… Honestly, I hate to say this but he’s been different now. Things aren’t the same since the day I’ve first met him, only in my past and to reminisce will help me taste and bring back my Sweet Weightless. I always remember that my Sweet would be always there for me, who is a sweet guy, who understands me, who helps me with all the things I need, who supports me, who loves me for who I am, who loves me very much, who knows I’m somewhat ‘makulit’, who knows that I love him so much, who know that we share a lot of things, who knows that we always have a time to have some bonding and open up topics, etc. I couldn’t mention all the things here or else this might not come to an end. My Sweet Weightless has been a part of me. He helped with to move on and start a new life. I know my Sweet wouldn’t dare to understand these things I’m gonna say here but I do treasure these things so much. Why? Because, my Sweet Weightless has gave me another life to begin with. I thought I would end up my life! It’s too wasted, pressured, depressed, sad, hurting and pains. I could even remember how we we’re so inlove with each other, it is like an hour turns to minutes. I missed that so much… I just wish my Sweet Weightless would get back to his old self. Maybe our relationship would get even stronger if that happens.

To my Sweet:
Please do come back to the first Sweet Weightless I’ve met.. I know I can’t wish for it since you told me “nawawala na feelings ko sau” and “dapat break na tayo, pinigilan lng ako ni Elon”… T-T These words and sentence has strike my heart so much until now and that leads me to feel that my heart breaks into pieces, I thought I’m about to die, I felt it was real. It’s been so hard for me to accept these things when my Sweet doesn’t even know how to calm me down or even tell me that he didn’t mean to tell me those things at all. Instead, he’s just like “manhid”. I feel so insecure and I don’t know where to place myself right now… All I know is that..I want my Sweet Weightless back..!! T-T

Where Did I Go Wrong?!

Whole day, I’ve waited for my Sweet’s text but nothing came. I was too worried and I’m really panicking since I know that it’s another day of coldness. Luckily, I was surprised when he called me and told me that he just ran out of load in the late afternoon. It was the first time he told me “I Love You”..I was shocked because I keep on longing to hear that again from him. I know I shouldn’t be expecting too much since I know we’re not yet back with each other’s arm.

After the siege, I thought everything went well but since I wasn’t able to see his PM. He went mad and he told me he’d log-out immediately. How come he doesn’t understand that?!

Coldness & Loneliness

It’s been almost a month, my Sweet is still cold with me. T-T He didn’t even know I was hurting, feeling lonely and cold since all he knew was he was punishing me because it was the right thing to do. I was mad at my kuya Dan and bro because they don’t know what they’re doing esp. bro doesn’t know how to say yes or no to what my Weightless told him. He just keeps on laughing, that makes me feel insulted! I know bro for so long and my kuya Dan has been gone too long for me to know him again. What I mean is..people do change and one thing I didn’t like, bro keeps on laughing, not serious on what’s happening that can cause “real” trouble. I can attest to that. Kyle and Kaye have been in a mutual understanding relationship. We didn’t know bro likes Kaye and now whenever Kyle talks with bro about on serious things, he just keeps on laughing and laughing that leaves me and Kyle thinking on what could be the reason. Kyle was just asking if he’s serious with Kaye, but he keeps on laughing? What the hell was that?? Now, my Sweet is doing the same thing what my kuya Dan is doing to me, since my kuya Dan knows nothing and if only my Weightless knew, me and my kuya Dan aren’t talking already. How dare my kuya Dan talk that way??? I don’t talk to my kuya Dan that much but how come?! My bro? He keeps on laughing and when we get to talk or find some bonding thing, that’s when the time he’ll say sorry to me. My Sweet doesn’t know that my bro was trying to stop our relationship..!!!!! *Sigh* I couldn’t even say that to my Sweet because I don’t think my Weightless would believe me on that!! Sheesh!!

He Didn’t Show Up

I really wish my Sweet were drunk again so he could tell me things like “tom. You can purr..”, “ok, tom. I’ll bot your forger..” and stuffs. He told me last Thurs. we’d meet today, Saturday, in Eastwood but he didn’t show up. Everything hasn’t been falling into place, I expected too much since he told me he’d visit me in Eastwood today. I was so hurt since I thought I could be with my Sweet Weightless tonight. I waited until 11pm but I gave up. I was longing for him to say “I love you”, I was longing to feel him, and to be with him. I don’t know what to do… I haven’t heard the I love you from him for almost a month.. T-T I really miss my Sweet Weightless so much.. T-T

Thanks so much to Bayz, Sis Kaye and Kyle who went to Eastwood and gave me their company. If it wasn't for them, I might be crying until now and stuck at my bed...
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***: The walk along Eastwood was refreshing, but Parfait’s sad face made the fresh air and the warm smiles of the people absent to me. It was painful to feel her agony, and that I sympathize with her with all I can. <-------- Asa LJ entry ko
***: The songs Parfait sang were too much for me. I could see it in her eyes, that she feels the song in her, and sings her tears out through her voice. <---- eto pa

A Confession...

I was longing for my Sweet to tell me how much he love me and my name “Sweet” but my too much expectation brought me to pain. Sad to say.. I wasn’t able to hear it from him until now since we had a fight three weeks ago. Anyway, I shouldn’t be sharing this here in my blog, but I just can’t help it… I was so inlove at the same time I knew I was just playing a trick on my mind that it was really true. My Sweet told me “maglalabas ako sayo… hindi kita pababayaan…”. I was actually stunned that time and I felt that I was to give in, until it was all there, I just remembered that he doesn’t love me anymore and..I had to tell him I’m scared…

A confession I had to make.. It was really something and longing to be heard by every woman. A love that will form between you and your love ones. If I just knew my Sweet loved me that much.. I could have given it to him already… I'm just scared he'll leave me alone... T-T

Move On Gurl..!!

Another day of struggling with hurt and pains I’m dealing with. I envy Sis Kaye coz my Sweet Weightless loves Kaye rather than me. They’ve been in Private Servers most of the time enjoying and leaving me alone in real RO World. Who am I to my Sweet anyway? Nothing.. Stupid me… I’m just a plain simple gurl who keeps on pushing and throwing myself to my Sweet Weightless who doesn’t even love me anymore. How can I get my Sweet Weightless back? It just hurt me to think that I’m the one who’s been following my Sweet since I know we’re having a one-way relationship. He doesn’t know how to say I love you to me, he doesn’t know how to love me for who I am, and he’s so damn “manhid”. I know that I’m the one who’s still cannot move on coz I love him so much and he’s been a part of me… I can’t afford to lose my Sweet…..

The day is about to end, new struggles of life will come in soon. I keep on telling me not to have any RO Sentimental from what my Sweet told me to. It’s been last year, Feb.14,2004 when I met my Sweet Weightless in RO. It was really a memorable day for me and ParFaiT! But.. I have to try to forget it since this month of February just makes me fall deeper and reminisce to how me and my Sweet Weightless met. I couldn’t even tell my Sweet that I remember those times in Orcville and stuffs or else I’m doomed. I told myself I shouldn’t expect anything since my Sweet Weightless won’t be inviting me and ParFaiT to spend a valentines date with him this coming Feb.14 in RO coz he’s been attached to the Private Server with his cousin and he doesn’t want any RO Sentimentals. If I’ll think of it, it’ll just break my heart and at the same time as for ParFaiT…
I wish I could just take majority of my feelings and love away from my Sweet Weightless so I can be just like him, “manhid” and that I can lessen the hurt and pains. It’s really a big risk, when that happens I might become cold to my Sweet… Like I said… I already found my destiny and..it was my Sweet Weightless…!! I just hope he feels the same way and he’ll believe me… But I just can’t tell him coz he will not believe me and he’ll get mad at me for saying these things. It’s really hard to share these things with the one you love when you are pushing yourself to the man you love when they don’t love you… It won’t mean anything to them instead they’ll only laugh at you.....

My Dad Knows...

I think my dad knows I have a problem. He asked me many times if I have any and he keeps on asking me if how's my work and stuffs. Since what's happening lately has been different..I woke up and went home with my eyes are swelling, down, depressed, can't rest and sleep, kyle calling home and listening to our conversations and etc.. I think it's about time I'd let my dad know about Weightless..but I can't let my Sweet face my dad coz I know He's not ready yet. My Sweet doesn't even know how to be with me and help me if I need him. How can I fight for him to my dad..? *sigh* Dad can feel anything... He knows me..that's what I'm afraid of...

Weightless = True Love?

Is Weightless my true love? Yes.. Indeed.. In fact, I can see him as the one who'll I stay with till I grow old. He's been a part of my life and it's hard to let go of the feeling when you know you already found the one who you want to be with till u die coz you found the love in him. But it only started to confused me since he's not here with me if I need him... Things I have to question..like, I can't be with someone who can't be with me on my side when I need him right? Things are so confusing lately.. But I really really love him even if he treats me like that... It's just that I'm so hurt..and it hurts so much to feel that you we're being dumped and he'll start to say "try to fix yourself" and stuffs even if you know the solution is just you want him to be there for you... T-T

...I Have No One To Turn To...

I missed my Weightless so much... I missed my old Sweet Weightless whom I first met... I don't have someone to turn to... I just hate when my Sweet told my Kuya Dan that he was the one who would be with me and adjust for me when my bro was gone when in fact, "he didn't"..plus..he also told Kuya Dan that I'd be always go online just to look for him and talk to him because I have no one here with me and bro is not here which is true.. But My Sweet just left me all alone... I think my Kuya Dan believed him.. I was so hurt since my Sweet has been a part of me and he's doing these things to me, like leaving me alone and not being here when I need him.. I'm still hurting to what's happening right now. I can't believe my Sweet doesn't love me anymore... and my Sweet keeps on insisting that I'd fix myself.. I already did.. I just need someone to be with me, who listens to me and to my problems.. I can't tell him how much I need his help coz I know only my Sweet can help me calm down..but I don't want him to get mad at me.. I'll make him see I can, even if I can't.. That's what I'm trying to say to myself that maybe he'll love me more when he sees I can handle things even if I don't. Though.. I can share all these things to someone else rather than sharing these to my Sweet Weightless or else he'll just get mad at me.. I just wish I had a boyfriend who listens to me, who cares for me, and who's always there when I need someone...

I Don't Feel Like Sending It

I was about to send Weightless and ParFaiT's Love Story to RO contest when my Sweet told me to forget about the RO sentimentals that I shouldn't treasure and think of anything that is with Weightless and ParFaiT... T-T I couldn't help but cry when my Sweet told me that. T-T I don't feel like sending it anymore so..I just want to post it here... T-T It's been a short one coz it should be wirtten (maximum by 300 words) only.. Here goes... T-T

" A new journey of life starts in Midgard. This is not only a Blacksmith & Priestess Tale but also “In Real Life”. We’ll never expect who will come to our lives, it may be our true love.

It started when I had my Swordie, I really wanted to have an elemental “Wind Katana” but I haven’t had enough zenny to buy one. Lucky, my friend traded some of my items and was able to give me “Weightless’s Wind Katana”. I was so happy that I owned a nice name inscribed on it! Until I became a Knight, I have to buy another elemental weapon, which is “Wind Pike”. So I shopped around Prontera to see if I can trade some of my items. After I walk around Prontera, a blacksmith caught my attention and in my shock, it was my idol Weightless vending his elementals! I went to talk to him many times if I can trade his elementals but Weightless keeps on turning down my offers. He’s somewhat “suplado”!

Then I made my Priestess to see if I can have his elemental trade but I was just turned down again. Until he invited me for RO date last 2/14/04. I was so speechless when my idol Weightless asked me, without hesitation I said “yes!”. He proposed to marry my priestess and decided we’d meet IRL. The time we met was love at first sight, I really can’t forget that day! We were so inlove!! /lv Thanks to RO!! :) "

There, so even if I wasn't able to submit it to RO.. still..I was able to post it here... I think I shouldn't believe in true love even if I do... T-T

No RO Sentimentals... T-T

It's been three weeks since me and my Weightless aren't going well.. I was really valuing the RO because I met my Weightless there. But the thing is my Sweet doesn't value it anymore. RO is nothing for him, but Private Server is all he always do and play leaving me alone in the real RO World. I was hurt when he told me not to value the RO stuffs. I should try to forget all what happened to us even if I don't like to. Maybe finding someone on game would be easy for me to move on to what is past from Weightless and ParFaiT... Ouch!! T-T