My Last Message If I Wasn't Able To Make It

It started when my Sweet broke up with me because of those stupid things I did. I just asked bro to help me talk with my Sweet Weightless since my Sweet won't let me come back to him. Until now, the words that my Sweet told me like "I don't love you anymore!!" was still inside my heart, inside my veins, vessels, blood and body that flows around and around. Why do I love my Sweet so much even though I know he don't love my anymore? Why am I forcing him to love me when he don't love me anymore? Why can't I afford to lose him? T-T I know those answers but I want the answers to remain with me until I die. Btw, what happened between Sis Shaela and me is ok with me because I understand her attitude. I asked for forgiveness to Sis Shaela many times even if we were ok. I know Sis Shaela has lots of rants and whines and things to say about her boyfriend Sieg too and I'm not the kind of person who'll backstab someone even if they did something wrong to me and even if Sieg said some things that hurted me so much in my thread. Also, my Sweet told me not to fight with other guys in Insu Guild or else, he's the one I'll be facing with. Anyway, yesterday, Feb. 26, 2005, I decided to buy tranquilizer at different kinds of drugstores after me and my Sweet talked over my cellphone. The saleslady was so mean that they wouldn't allow me to buy it since they saw my eyes are swollen. They even told me that I should have a prescription from a doctor first. I really need it so badly and I asked them again and again but I just end up with no tranquilizer to help me calm to my heart. So I decided to take some other medicine pills to overdose myself. I know this is a bad thing to do but I know I'm bad too! Bad gurls should be exterminated!! Tonight, Feb. 27, 2005, I decided to take lots of medicines such as my first trial will be the "Tylenol". If it doesn't work, I'll try to buy some cough syrup and drink the whole of it. I'm afraid to know when the time comes if my Sweet won't come back to me and if he has found another gurl that's better than me and replace me. I've trusted my Sweet so much, one explain should be enough for me but maybe I just couldn't control my tone that makes him think that I'm doubting him. I couldn't even choose the right word on how to say it. I know regrets will always be at the end.

@Sweet
Hi Sweet! Sorry if I have to do this. I just can’t afford to lose you. You’ve been a part of me and kaw idol ko simula nung nakilala pa lng kita!! I still reminisce the things happened to us from the day we’ve met until now. Sorry if I’ve never been a good and perfect howe for you… Always remember that all that happens to us are not a lie… I love you so much!