Project: SWEET TOOTH

PROJECT: SWEET TOOTH (got the name from Twisted Metal)
Date Bought: May 18, 2007

I got my new "OLD" car. I'm still thinking if I will fix it.
Is it worth to fix/restore this car?

Here's some of the photos:

For One More Day - By: Mitch Albom

"If you had the chance, just one chance, to go back and fix what you did wrong in life, would you take it? And if you did, would you be big enough to stand it?"

Hard-2-Understand

*Can't write anything yet - words and hands are stopping me from sharing it here.*

Baguio ^^

April 27-29, 2007
BAGUIO MANIA with Kyle's family. *Can't upload pictures - memory card is broken.* :(

Transport Show

April 18-22, 2007 @ Transport Show - MegaTrade Hall.
These event was really great! Customed & enhanced cars, models, kiosks, and etc. I have provided the collaterals for ERS in exchange of asking them if I can give out my (real estate) invitations and fliers with theirs. Some people took pictures of me and some took pictures with me. Something new experienced. Kyle was right, heads up! ^^

100% Pure Rant Box

Rant! Rant! Rant!
Whine! Whine! Whine!

Sa lahat ng nakasama, nakilala at nakausap na si Kyle, they keep on telling me na isip-bata at hindi pa sya mature for me. Hindi daw talaga ako maiintindihan ni Kyle dahil sa isip nya. Ako pa daw ba binigyan nila ng lectures. Eh yun din naman pinoproblema ko ano! Hindi lang nila alam na yan ang tinatago kong problema!

Age! Age! Age!

OO! Age! sinasabi rin nila saken yung age ko raw! Mag-27 years old na ako this year 2007. Lahat daw ng pera ni Kyle na ginastos sa kotse nya ay pwede na samin para magpakasal at ilaan sa amin dalawa ang pera. Hindi ako nagiimbento ng kwento dito, may nagbigay din saken ng lecture na ito. Tapos sinabihan pa ako na hindi pa daw mature si Kyle at kawawa lang ako dahil hindi pa daw mature si Kyle for me. Tinanong ko sa nagsabi saken kung paano nya nasabi na hindi pa mature si Kyle for me kasi ako lagi nasasabihan ni Kyle na immature ako. Ang sagot na nakuha ko..yung tinanong daw nya kung kailan ni Kyle balak pag-settle down at magpakasal..ang sagot daw sa kanya pagdating daw nya ng 30 years old or above.

Kyle = 24 Years Old
Me = 27 Years Old

Ilan daw years gap namin. By the time na 30 years old si Kyle, 33 years old na daw ako. What more kung umextend pa daw. Kung sabihin daw namin na 35 years old na si Kyle tsaka nya balak magpakasal, nasa 38 years old na ako. Ang galing nilang lahat magbigay ng lectures noh? Sakto sa mga pinoproblema ko at iniisip. Baka matuyuan na ako (menopause na ako) tsaka lang kami magpapakasal. What if pagdating ko daw ng 30 years old bigla akong iniwan ni Kyle? Talo daw ako dahil babae daw ako! Ok ba mga explain nila?

P.S. Walang paki-alam si Kyle kung ilan years gap kami.

Insecure! Insecure! Insecure!

Oo nga pala, hindi ako maiintindihan daw talaga ni Kyle sa nararamdaman ko na insecurities. Dahil iba ang age daw namin, isip-bata pa daw si Kyle at walang balak pa daw yun pakasalan ako. Mag-2 years na kami, dapat daw may usapan na about marriage yun.

Changes! Changes! Changes!

Ang dami ko ng changes ginawa para kay Kyle. Hindi nga nya alam na kung ano yung mga changes na yun. Pati nga sa hilig nya sa kotse, pinipigil ko na ang sarili ko na isipin na may kahati ako kay Kyle.

Kyle's Fight: CAR vs. ME
Winner: CAR
Loser: ME

Oh well, kotse lang katapat ni Kyle. Gusto nya KOTSE! KOTSE! KOTSE! Wala ng iba kundi KOTSE nalang ng KOTSE! Gusto nyo ba ng boyfriend na puros KOTSE nalang ang hilig?!?! Nagtitiis na nga lang ako kahit lagi puros KOTSE nalang ang paguusapan. Kung gusto mo sya pasayahin, KOTSE lang ikwento mo, sasaya na yan! Kung may sakit yun, ikwento mo rin KOTSE, gagaling yan agad! Instant! KOTSE LANG GAMOT NYAN!!

Marami na nagsasabi saken na sila na rin nakakahalata na KOTSE lang talaga ang hilig, gusto at iniisip ni Kyle kaysa saken. Aminado na ako dun. Well, baka naman obsess or naiingit lang ako?! HINDI DAW EH! Sila na nagsabi nyan. Yung iba naman sinasabi saken na NAIINGIT KA LANG DAHIL ALAM MO LAHAT NG ORAS NYA AT ISIP NYA NASA KOTSE HINDI SAYO.

Astig pa ba ang mga lectures nila?
Parehas kami ng mga naiisip at nasa utak, o diba?!
Astig!

Hindi ni Kyle alam na halos nawawala na yung feelings ko sa kanya paminsan. Paminsan naiisip ko at nararamdaman ko na kaya ko ng mawala sya. Paminsan naman nararamdaman ko na hindi ko pa sya kya mawala. Ang gulo ko noh!

Ex-GF ni Kyle?

I don't actually know the side of his ex-gf. Sabi ng mga nakakwento ko dati pa na baka hindi nung girl nahanap kay Kyle yung hinahanap nya. What the hell is that all about? Dahil 4 years na sile, yet wala pa raw nangyayari na any plans for marriage? Etc.? Great! Ito rin ba nararamdaman ko ngayon kahit na mag-2 years palang kami dahil siguro sa age ko na rin ano?!

Tanga! Tanga! Tanga!

Yup! you heard me right. Ang tanga tanga ko na nagpapakagago kay Kyle. Dahil mahal ko sya! Anong magagawa ko? Kahit naman maraming nagsasabi na hiwalayan ko na si Kyle hindi ko pa rin magawa eh! Bakit? Kasi mahal ko pa rin sya kahit na ganito sya.

Sira ulo! Sira ulo! Sira ulo!

Hindi rin ni Kyle alam na nasisiraan na ako ng bait at nasisiraan na rin ako ng ulo. Dami ko pinag-gagawa sa sarili ko. Nagwawala ako sa kwarto ko. I don't remember things well na. Pilit ko kinakalimutan ko lahat. In the end, parang wala na akong natatapos sa buhay ko or goal man lang hindi tulad dati. Tinabi ko na rin lahat ng mga kaibigan ko para lang kay Kyle. Para hindi naman nya saken ibalik na nagdedepend ako sa iba. So tinago ko lahat ng sama ng loob ko sa sarili ko. Tinago ko mga problema ko hanggang ayaw ko na magsabi kahit kanino kung makakaya, kung meron man, kwento konte, and inawhile, change ko na topic para hindi pa dumami ang kwento ko sa kausap ko. lahat yan ginawa ko para kay Kyle. Akala ko makakabuti saken, hindi naman pala. But I have no choice. I'm stucked na rin dito sa pina-practice ko eh. In fact, hindi na din naman ako matutulungan ng kahit sino. Malamang hindi na rin ako sasaluin ni Kyle. Dati, si Kyle, lagi ako sinasalo nyan. Kung may problema ako, nakaka-rant ako sa kanya, kahit hindi ako makinig or tigas ulo ko, ok lang sa kanya. Ngayon, ASA PA AKO.

DRAMA! DRAMA! DRAMA!

He's at Megamall car ingress ng ERS ngayong gabi. Kanina sabi nya hindi sya pupunta, tapos bigla nalang nung huli, pupunta nalang daw sya. Ano yun? Whole afternoon pinapasaya nya ako na hindi daw kami pupunta sa ingress tapos nung gabi na, sinabi nya saken na kung ayaw ko daw sya pumunta, hindi na daw sya pupunta. Edi pumayag na ako pumunta sya dahil mamaya magiinarte na naman yan. What happened? Nag-inarte nga sya! Hindi na daw sya lalabas at magkukulong nalang daw sya sa kwarto nya! Yung Schedule namin kinabukasan para samahan nya ako sa interview ko, tinanggal na rin nya yung promise nya! Galing diba? Nung huli, pinilit ko sya ng pinilit nalang pumunta, KAHIT NA AYAW KO, NAGSINUNGALING NALANG AKO NA OK LANG SAKEN NA PUMUNTA SYA DUN. Wala naman ako magagawa eh! Hobby nya yan at yan talaga ang hilig nya. Ayoko sya i-deprive sa mga gusto nya. Pinipigil ko ngayon magisip, kaya lang napapaisip talaga ako. I BET, pag nandun na yan, never na yan magtetext ulit! Lagi nalang ganun yan! Nandun na sa mga KOTSE YUNG ATTENTION NYA! WALA NA AKO SA ISIP NYA!

Kyle: Hindi ka talaga marunong mag-differentiate between sa mga material things (esp. cars) tsaka ikaw noh?! Iba nga kayo!
Me: ....

OBSESS! OBSESS! OBSESS!

Oh yeah! Obsess siguro ako kay Kyle ano?! BADTRIP NGA EH! Kung hindi ako obsess sa kanya, anytime kaya ko sya iiwan!! Bwisit!! Hindi ko si Kyle maiwan dahil hindi ko kaya!! SHIT!! SAN KA PA?! LAKAS TALAGA SOBRA TAMA KO KAY KYLE! POTAH!!

KAHIT NA ANONG MANGYARI, BUMABALIK PA RIN AKO KAY KYLE!! POTA NAMAN TALAGANG BUHAY TO!!

What A Way To Spend...

What a way to spend Kyle's birthday. He just played command and conquer the whole afternoon. I didn't bring anything with me, just a book, iPod and cellphone so I almost finished reading the book I brought with me, I even checked my emails and surf the net using my cellphone. When I use my iPod while surfing the net in my cellphone, he would sit beside me. But when I turn off my iPod, he would just go back to what he's playing. His young brother, Keith, keeps on talking with me that sometimes I don't understand what he's talking about. I just nod my head and agree with him. After dinner, Kyle had a minor headache. But when we get back to their room, he starts to play the computer again. He's so into the game. Even if there's some bad side of the story, there's also a good side of it, such as, he fixed the mini-tv for me to be able to watch Lupin. At least, I get to watch the show while he's playing. The show only took 30 minutes. After that, I tried to go to his bed and rest while I watch him play and his younger brother talk to him about the game in his computer. Everything was fine, but I got a little pissed off when he told his younger brother that I'm not in good mood that's why he should stop playing - I'm not! Argghhh! I'm not that kind of person. When he went beside me, he slept until 12am and I had to wake him up so that I can go home. Btw, while he's asleep, his younger brother keeps on talking to me. Here we go again. Sometimes his younger brother would go out of the room, and later around 5-10minutes he would go back to the room. All I did was to read again the book I brought with me so that I couldn't sleep. I can't let his younger brother see that me and Kyle are sleeping in the room. He's still too young though. When Kyle drive me home, silence is the only presence between us. Oh well...

HolyWeek '07 ^^

I wish I can have this Chocolate Fountain! >:) Yummy Chocolate!! :P~

Auto Show *Drool*

Song For The Day-8 ^^

Katherine McPhee - Over It
I'm over your lies,
and I'm over your games.
I'm over you asking me,
when you know I'm not okay.
You call me at night,
and I pick up the phone.
And then you be telling me,
I know your not alone.
ohh..

Thats why
(your eyes)
I'm over it
(your smile)
I'm over it
(realize)
I'm over it
I'm over it
I'm over..

Wanting you,
to be wanting me.
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I'm so over..
Moving on, its my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..

I'm over your hands,
and I'm over your mouth.
Trying to drag me down,
and fill me with self-doubt.
ohh..

Thats why,
(your words)
I'm over it
(so sure)
I'm over it
(i'm not your girl)
I'm over it
I'm over it
I'm over...

Wanting you,to be wanting me.
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I'm so over..
Moving on, its my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..

Don't call,don't come by,
ain't no use,don't ask me why,
you'll never change,
there'll be no more crying in the rain.

Wanting you,to be wanting me.
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I'm so over..
Moving on, its my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..
I'm so over it....
I'm over it....

Wanting you,to be wanting me.
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I'm so over..
Moving on, its my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..

Speed & Cake ^-^

Speed


Cake

Blog Blog

I don't know if blogger.com is not working for how many weeks ago. It's hard to open my Blog and if I view my Journal, all the items, links, counters and shoutbox won't load. Until now, I'm having a hard time opening my blog. All the command buttons and everything won't also work. I hope this will go through.

I Tried. Nothing Happend. Bounced Back.

QUESTION: AKALA NYO ANG PAG-OPEN UP SA RELATIONSHIP AY MAKAKABUTI??
ANSWER: SUS! HINDI RIN KAYO MAGKAKAINTINDIHAN!!! PA-OPEN UP OPEN UP PA KAYO DYAN, EH HINDI NAMAN KAYO MAGKAKAINTINDIHAN DIN!! LABO DIN ANO? MAS MALALAMAN PA NG BF OR GF NYO KUNG PANO MAKIPAG-PLASTIKAN DAHIL KUNG ANU GUSTO MONG GAWIN AT MANGYARI, YUN NALANG ANG GAGAWIN NILA. IN THE END, KAW RIN ANG TALO. DAHIL NAKUKUHA MO NGA ANG GUSTO MO MANGYARI PERO DINEMAND MO LANG SA PARTNER MO, HINDI NILA YAN KUSA GUSTONG GAWIN (ANO YUN? ONE-SIDED RELATIONSHIP?). TALO KA RIN SA HULI AT HINDI MO MALALAMAN KUNG SINCERE PA SAYO ANG BF OR GF MO SAYO. DAHIL KAW NALANG ANG HUMIHINGI KUNG ANO GUSTO MO MANGYARI EH DIBA?

EXAMPLE:
ME: GUSTO KO NA PAG MAY PROBLEMA AKO OR SOMETHING ANDYAN KA..
KYLE: GANITO NALANG, HINDI NA AKO MAGSASALITA KUNDI MAG-OO NALANG AKO AT SASABIHIN KO NALANG NA KAYA MO YAN. TUTAL HINDI KA NAMAN MAKIKINIG RIN SAKEN.
ME: AYAW KO NG GANUN EH..
KYLE: SIGE, KUNG GUSTO MO, TUTULUNGAN KITA, BIBIGYAN KITA NG PAYO, TAPOS BAHALA KA NA KUNG MAKIKINIG KA O HINDI. TUTAL HINDI KA RIN NAMAN NAKIKINIG SAKEN EH. SAYANG LANG LAWAY KO. (SO ANO NAPALA NYO? EDI NASAKTAN KA PA SA SINABI NYANG MGA SALITA. NAG-OPEN UP KA NA NGA, KAW PA ANG NASABIHAN NG MGA NAKAKASAKIT NA SALITA AT PAGPLAPLANUHAN PA NG BF OR GF NYO KUNG ANO ANG AYAW NYO MANGYARI SA GUSTO MO MANGYARI OR PWEDE RIN NA KAW NALANG ANG HUMIHINGI NG KUNG ANO GUSTO MO MANGYARI. ANO YUN? DEMANDING KA NALANG SA PARTNER MO PARATI? ONE-SIDED RELATIONSHIP O ROBOT?).

BY THE WAY...
1.) HE WANTS THESE FOLLOWING:
A.) LAGING SUMAGOT AGAD PAG MAY TINATANONG SYA OR KUNG NAGUUSAP KAMI.
B.) PAG SINIMULAN KO MAGLAMBING, WAG IBITIN.
C.) SA KAMAY MAGHAWAK.
2.) I TRIED TO OPEN UP WITH KYLE, NOTHING HAPPEND. GANUN PA RIN. HINDI LANG KAMI MAGKAKAINTINDIHAN AND LALO LANG NAPASAMA. HINDI NA DAW SYA MAGIGING KATULAD NG DATI. - ANG DAMI PA NAMAN NYA PINROMISE SAKEN SOBRA SOBRA TAPOS NAGING FEELING SECURED NAMAN AKO, I WAS WRONG, HINDI NAMAN PALA. I THOUGHT NA KUNG MAKIUSAP AKO ULIT SA KANYA NGAYON, IT WOULD END UP LIKE WHAT WE ARE DATI, HINDI NAMAN PALA. NICE TRY.

EXAMPLE:
ME: SWEETIEBY.. KELANGAN KO NG MAY MAG-GUIDE SAKEN.. INIWAN NA AKO NG IBANG LAGI KO KAUSAP DAHIL HINDI AKO NAKIKINIG SA KANILA EH..
KYLE: HINDI KA NGA NAKIKINIG SAMIN EH. LAHAT NG TAO MAY KANYA KANYANG PASENSYA BINIBIGAY SAYO HANGGAT SA MAGSAWA SILA. (SO U MEAN YUNG DATI MO PINAGMAMALAKI SAKEN NA HINDI KA MAGSASAWA, EH NAGSAWA KA DIN RIGHT?).

ANG DAMI PA SOBRA ANG GUSTO KONG SABIHIN DITO! MARAMING DIFFERENCES NA DAPAT KONG TANGGAPIN. PAG HINDI KO RAW SYA KAYANG TANGGAPIN KUNG SINO SYA, IWAN KO DAW SYA (HINDI NAMAN SI KYLE DATI GANITO EH), KUNG GUSTO KO RAW SYA IWAN, WALA NA SYANG PAKI-ALAM (DATI SINASABI NI KYLE SAKEN NA KUNG IIWAN KO SYA, ASA NALANG AKO, NGAYON WALA NA, OK LANG DAW KUNG IIWAN KO SYA. IT MEANS, HAHAYAAN NALANG NYA AKO MAWALA, YUN LANG), AT MADAMI PANG IBA. ISA ISAHIN NATIN PAG MAY ORAS AT KUNG NAALALA KO YUNG IBA. HALOS SABOG NA AKO SOBRA EH! SARILING ULO KO GUSTO KO NG BASAGIN AT MAMATAY NALANG PARA MATAHIMIK NALANG AKO.

Good & Bad

Today was my lucky day. I was able to hug Kyle lots of times. Everything seems great this day but due to some fast driving at the dawn makes me feels bad that turned out to be a bad day for the both of us again. My classmate Ryan Atienza just died on a car accident, he bump into a Bus Station or Bus Stop Stand, he's brain were all out of his head. It's fresh on my mind that our friend, high school classmate just passed away. Last night, around 1:30AM, we were going back to Manila from Imus Cavite Carshow. It started when we were in Coastal Road, he didn't see the jeep infront of us that he have to swerved on the other side of the road and step on the break because the hutchback car is infront of us too. I just don't know why he wants to drive too fast and play around with other cars such as taxi. He keeps on overtaking on a normal road then I told him not to drive too fast because I'm scared, but he'll only tell me that "Anu ka ba?! Gusto ko to gawin eh! Itong gusto ko!", "Pinagtritripan ko lang yung taxi" then he would cut the taxi if we get on a stoplight. He told me that "Pabayaan mo nalang ako! Ito ang gusto ko eh! Hihihi!". If I'm scared, he'll only tell me "Oh! Ayan ka na naman, simangot na naman!", "Oh! Ayan ka na naman!", "Anu ba?! Ang arte arte mo!". Hindi pa sya nadadala sa dating nangyari sa L300 nila sa Quezon Avenue when I was with him. Muntik na sya matubo, nasira pa ang L300, at galit na galit ang mga tao samin na hinagisan na kami ng mga kung anu anung bagay sa kotse. For just a simple horn of L300 palang yun, what more if iniipit mo ang isang kotse or nakikikarera ka dahil wala lang, trip mo lang kasi eh..? Anyway, I keep on forgetting that I shouldn't care of anything between us especially my life now but still I keep on saying "I still want to live and I'm happy with my life" to myself that I shouldn't be. Kyle didn't know that I always feel my life's at stake whenever we're inside his car. I'm no longer his responsibility anymore too. I should keep that in mind. Many times, I keep on forgetting that, did you know that that's the reason why we always fight? Because I'm like his mum daw telling him not to drive too fast and etc. Isn't it great not having a right with your boyfriend? - Can't even warn him or else. Yeah! I should try to mantain everything he wants, it's the best way to keep our relationship at peace and steady.

P.S. I don't want to take this topic out my blog just in case.

Sex Partner

I know we are mature now to talk about things like "Sex Partner". First things first, I don't see this maliciously, not even shy or bothered to share this to my blog. Some people have sex because that's where they let all their stress, pressure and problems out even for awhile it gets your brain more rooms and oxygen while some do it for their own pleasure. Honestly, I was confused with what I'm feeling lately, a kind of feeling that I want to do it. This started last month of January (at first, it was just nothing and it wasn't this bad) until today (it becomes worst each day and now it affects the whole me). Kyle has lots of things in mind and lots of problems so things aren't that good between us. He explained that to me. I'm trying to understand that as much as I can but behinda that some stupid thoughts crossed my mind, thinking if I can get a sex partner. I have shared this topic with 2 guys and 1 girl. They told me that it's ok because I'm the ones who's going to decide about that. 2 guys offered me to be their sex partner or we're just going to try it once. Is it normal to think about this? Then I thought of some guys who looks for girls so they can have sex with them. I also thought of some girls who looks for guys so they can have sex with them too. I known some girls do that with no malice at all. Now I know the feeling why they look for it. I remember when I still don't know anything about this, I was trying to figure out what they feel, why do they like to have sex and why are they looking for this kind of stuffs with others. For me, sex makes a relationship stronger. It is true! Anyway, back to where I was. I plan to have a sex partner but still I'm deciding although I know I still have things to consider - I'm still with Kyle, it wouldn't be nice to have one. Maybe I just have to keep on holding on and keep in mind that I should be loyal to him after all. I thought of the old me, I missed being innocent, the old me - knows nothing and people keeps laughing at me because I don't know anything about this stuffs.

"Maling Akala"

I thought things between me and Kyle are ok now but I'm wrong. For Kyle, we're ok because I'm the one who always go to him, call him, talk to him, take away my pride if there's any fights or arguments and etc. I'm starting to get full. Can't even depend on him especially when I ask help from him. I don't even feel his love anymore. I'm too confused with the feelings I have now. I'm trying to push myself to him while he's trying to push himself away from me.

I'm already trying to leave all the past memories me and Kyle had because all of his promises are not coming anymore. I don't want to dwell with all his promises to me. I don't even want to keep his promises anymore or else I'll just end up getting hurt and nothing.

I know that I have another book to close that wouldn't close because I only keep on coming back to him (Kyle). Honestly, I should learn to stop loving him. I'm trying to take this one step at a time - can't do it once and for all. I still love him even if I don't get or feel his love for me. Hopefully, I can close our book little by little. Maybe this will help me move on and just treat him as a friend or buddy. In that way, I can still be with him and not only love him in distance but beside me always.

Sayonara Ms. Fashionista

*Sigh* I asked Kyle to help me with the screenshots of my Audition character because I wanted to join the contest "Ms. Fashionista" for this month of March. Days or weeks passed by, he asked me to go to his house and bring my laptop but my cellphone is broken (it shuts down and doesn't want to open) that's why I got his message late that I can't go out of our house anymore because dadidudez is home already. He told me the other day that he would've take the printscreens if I got to his house when he asked me to go there. I even told him awhile ago that some people in Audition wants to vote for my character, so that makes me more excited...he just turned me down. He told me "Practice lng yan". Practice to take my own printscreens while I play. Oh great! I even tried that many times, it's too hard pressing all the "directions (arrows)" and "spacebar" below the keyboard then you still have to press the "printscreen" above the keyboard, by the time I pressed the printscreen, my character is not dancing anymore. I envy those who were able to join, they have lots of beautiful screenshots, every move of their characters has it's own screenshots as well. I just wish Kyle would help me out, but he won't do it. We'll just have arguments so might as well stop dreaming of joining the Ms. Fashionista contest.

"Lagi Nalang Ako Mali"

Never a day na hindi kami nagaaway at nagtatampuhan. Hindi ko na talaga alam. Napapa-tagalog na ako ngayon sa blog ko. Lagi nalang akong mali sa paningin ni Kyle. Naninindak pa sya. Kanina ok naman kami, pero since kakain na kami nung gabi, tinanong nya ako kung saan ko daw gusto kumain, so sinabi ko sa chowking. Tapos, nung malapit na kami sa chowking, nakita namin na sarado. So, sabi nya, pumili pa daw ako ng iba. Sabi ko may chowking pa dun sa may Quezon Avenue, sabi nya malayo na daw yun. Eh ang bukas nalang dun samin ay yung KFC and Yellow Cab. Sabi ko sa KFC nalang kung gusto nya. Nung magpa-park na kami, napansin ko na parang maliit yung parking space (which is normally umaangal si Kyle pag maliit ang parking space lalo na kung pataas dahil baka tumama yung bumper nya), kaya tinanong ko sya na "sure ka, na dyan ka magpapark?" (Meron pa sa looban, mas patag ang parking lot dun). Nagalit ba naman sakin! Sabi nya "Umuwi nalang nga tayo!". Tapos sabi ko "Sorry! Bakit ba? Inaalala ko lang naman na baka sumagi or hindi kayanan sa bumper mo!". Ang sagot nya saken "Haay! Ang dami dami mo pa kasi sinasabi!" (Sobrang nakakatakot dahil inis na inis na sya saken). Edi nagpatakbo ba sya ng mabilis at inikot nya ng mabilis sobra yung kotse nya papuntang bahay namin. Tapos nun sabi ko sa kanya na "Kumain na kasi tayo dahil gutom tayo!". Ayun, nagalit pa sya saken. After nun, sabi nya "San ba talaga?!" (Galit na galit yung tono nya). Sabi ko "Sa KFC na nga eh!". Kaya bumalik na naman kami dun sa area. Sinabi pa nya na "Ayoko na sa KFC, pumili ka ng iba at magisip ka pa ng iba!". Sabi ko. "Grabe! Yan nalang ang bukas eh! Pumili ka! KFC or Yellow Cab?!". Sabi nya saken "Ikaw na kasi pumili!" (Galit na galit na galit na sobra). Sabi ko "Eh kung ayaw mo sa KFC, edi sa Yellow Cab nalang, dahil yun nalang bukas talaga dito sa area namin eh!". Tapos tinanong pa nya ako ha! "Kaw?! San ba?!". So sinabi ko kung san ko talaga gusto, edi sinagot ko sa kanya "Sa KFC"! Ito ang masayang sinagot nya saken "Cge, ikaw sa KFC, ako sa Yellow Cab!". Anu yun diba? Mali ko na naman!! Lagi nalang ako ang may mali eh!! Ang bilis sobra kumulo ng dugo nya saken! Tapos pag dating sa loob, ako pina-order. Nag-order ako sa counter, tinanong ko pa yung cashier kung anu masarap sa dalawa? Yung mushroom or 4 cheese pizza? Sabi nung cashier "ay ma'am, yung 4 cheese po!". Ako naman, ok na dun! Aba, nung pagdating nung pizza, galit na galit na naman saken si Kyle. Mali na naman ako!! O diba? Tapos ang dami dami nya sobra pinagbubulong at pinagsasabi! Galit na galit sobra sobra saken si Kyle! Kulang nalang makakaluto na ako ng itlog sa ulo nya pag nakikita at nakakasama nya ako dahil mali naman ako lagi para sa kanya eh! Ayun, tig-isa lng kinain namin na pizza tapos umalis na kami agad. Feeling ko tuloy na hindi na talaga ako para sa kanya at hindi ko na sya napapasaya dahil mali nalang ako parati. Nung inuwi nya ako, galit na galit pa rin sya saken, iniwan na nga lang ako pumasok sa bahay dahil kaagad sya bumaba ng kotse dala mga gamit ko eh. Normally, naguusap pa kami sandali sa kotse bago ako bumababa. Kanina, naku! Iniwan nalang ako. Gusto ko na nga magwala kanina eh. Ayoko lang na may magising samin dito kaya pinigil ko kahit napakahirap sobra. Ewan ko ba. Mali lang kasi ako lagi eh. Hindi ko na alam kung paano ko pa mapapasaya si Kyle. Parang ayaw na rin kasi nya kaya laging mabilis nalang uminit ulo nya saken siguro. Sobrang ayaw ko lang mawala itong si Kyle, kaya ko gusto syang tiisin kahit na may konteng takot ako. Wala naman akong masabihan ng nararamdaman ko talaga sa loob ko eh! Kung gaano kasakit at naguguluhan na ako sobra. Hindi ko naman sya masabihan ng mga ito at makapag-open up eh. Dahil malaking gulo lang ang abot ko sa kanya at yan ang ikakagalit na naman nya saken.

Empty

I don't know how to help myself anymore. I keep on dwelling with what me and Kyle had the past year in our relationship. He spoils me, he loves me for who I am, he wants my world to revolve around him, he wants me to depend on him always, he guides me, he warms my heart, I feel his love to me - so much, he cares for me, we always text especially our schedules with each other, he calls everytime to me, he knows no-busy schedules whenever he's with me and etc.
1.) I don't know how to control myself - I just want to hurt myself and go crazy inside my room. I keep on kicking and throwing all the things inside my room.
2.) I feel EMPTY since Kyle has changed alot - He has a personal problem that caused him to change maybe.
3.) I still have to make lots of adjustments - I don't know where to start now.
4.) Stop loving Kyle too much - NO good for me to love him so much and NO Obsession too.
5.) I keep on panicking, I feel so cold, I feel so empty, I miss everything about Kyle and lots and lots of things.

I just want to control myself, how to stop feeling this thing that I shouldn't throw things and stop being crazy as a hell because of loving Kyle so much. I have no one to exhaust to, this is one of the reason he won't understand why I go crazy and do stupid things such as throwing all the things I have inside my room. I just want Kyle! How I wish that Kyle would not only be my boyfriend but also a loving caring dependable bestfriend, companion, my exhaust and stuffs. He's like that when we were at our first year relationship, now it's all gone. =_(

Things To Do/Remember:

1.) I have no right to Kyle.
2.) I have no right to ask/know where Kyle is.
3.) I should try not to text him too much to avoid him getting full of me.
4.) I should try not to let my world revolve around him.
5.) No S************!! - It can make a Big Difference.
6.) Stop being a stubborn "Makulit" person.
7.) One Question = One Answer.
8.) No "Speak your mind", or else, you'll just end up in a Big Fight.

I Found The Answer To Kyle's Question

Why is it that bad things are easily remembered than of the good things made by the person you love to you? Because bad things are like wounds that leave scars (*Note: Scars will always remain because it's etched or like engraved) to us while good things are like memories that leave memories (*Note: Memories comes once in awhile, you don't always remember memories right? Also you'll get used to it especially when you keep on sharing that stories with anybody you knew).

P.S. Kyle always questions me this. If you were in my shoe, what do you think is the answer? There's no right or wrong here. Speak your mind guys. Maybe I'll be able to find the real answer to this question if we sum up all our ideas to it.

Movie Marathon & Jackpot

Despite of having a big fight and arguements this afternoon, me & Kyle still continued our Movie Marathon plan. Epic Movie & Ghost Rider. The movies were great! :) Kyle also got the Jackpot Ticket Prize in the Trivia Machine at Timezone. I'm so overwhelmed with the numbers of tickets we got. He even bought me to the Book Shop, it was totally awesome. Almost all of the books are there. I wish I had taken a photo of that place. It was really nice and all bookworms are there reading books and choosing what they want to purchase. I promise myself that I'll go back to the Book Shop once it opens on March1. Can't wait for it! ^-^

No Chance. No Return.

1.) We had a fight "again"!
--->Nothing New.
2.) He told me that he's so full of me.
--->*Sigh* Always.
3.) I'm full of drama because I always cry.
--->All girls cry when they are hurt, don't they? Or is it just I'm a cry-baby?
4.) He even poked my feet when my crying face is at his pillow, he told me he's talking to me. (In a threat look).
--->He never poke me when he's mad even once but it made me think if he can hurt me physically coz yesterday involves one even if it is not too hard.
5.) He told me that once he gets full of me, he won't talk to me anymore.
--->There's NO CHANCE left for me once he gets full of me. He even told me that he is FULL OF ME already.
6.) He even told me not to bother him anymore with what he wants to do.
--->I only stop him if he's driving too fast. Did he stop doing that? No, because he told me that's his happiness.
7.) Paranoid me?
--->Yep. Maybe. Because I don't know where he's at always. He arrives home late at night (in fact, at dawn). I don't know where he's been going and what's he up to. Sorry guys especially sorry to Lyle, but I've been there. Boys going to bars late at night, hanging out with gurls and go out with them. Boys meet other girls. They don't even care if you do something else like Sex. Yes, I trust my bf and I know he keeps on telling me that he's loyal. (To give too much trust is risky, it's an advantage like what Lyle did to me *Sorry again if I made you as an example Lyle*). But what is it like if you have a bf who never tells you where he always go? And goes home at dawn? He never calls you or never text you and all you know that he was home. So you tried to call their house and his brothers and sisters will tell you he's not yet home. Then later, you will hear or learn to someone else that he went there with us, he did this with us, and etc. After sometime, you also saw pictures with time and date at dawn. Kumbaga, sa iba mo pa nalaman diba? And you start questioning yourself, why didn't you know that? Is he getting tired of me? Am I not fun to be with? Is he having fun with his friends than being with me?

Shaiya

Usagi-Chan, here's what I've been telling you. The art I was looking for long time ago when we put this airbrush on our Lancer's hood because I don't have the detailed copy of the Graphics. Many thanks for the site. Look at the art, every single details are kinda different from the ones airbrushed.

Words VS. Feelings VS. Changes

Words cannot tell what I feel. I'm so overwhelmed with what I'm trying to deal with myself and changes that I feel between me and Kyle.

Back To You

Back to you. Something new right? I can't take what's going on to me, I keep on kicking and punching my head, haven't sleep yet. Next day, when I was on the taxi to go to work, I can't help but cry, so I talked to the taxi driver if we can go to Kyle's place first before I go to work. Even if I'm scared to see him, all I know is that I wanted to feel his hug again. I tried to fix things and wasn't able to go to work. I hugged him so tightly. I tried to hold back my tears but I just couldn't. I don't know if the reason he get back to me is just because he pity me. Why whould I say that? When I went to their house, I just saw him in his mum's room watching tv. When I gave him a hug and cried again, silence roams around the room. I hope he doesn't just pity me that's why he get back to me.

Going back to him, isn't too easy. There are still consequences that I have to deal with.
1.) Normally he calls every 8:30AM and 7:30PM at the house. Sometimes he even calls me anytime he's free within the day. - But not now. He doesn't even call me even if he's out.
2.) I don't know where he's going always. - I should try not to make it a big deal, he might just get mad at me. This can start a BIG FIGHT "again".

There are still lots of things conquering my mind. Still a little bit unrecovered and confused as well. But I'm glad that somehow, me and Kyle are ok.

Untitled-2

I...

Last Book

Here I am again, trying to write what happend today. Things are very complicated between me and Kyle. He broke up with me. Even if we try to fix things, still, we're not done fighting all over again. I'm too much hard-headed girl, who always wants the attention of Kyle - That's ME!

To those who reads my blog, let me just clarify something to you guys. I don't want you to see Kyle as a bad person..
1.) I can't blame Kyle to what's happening, coz I also hurt him so badly. In a way, I also tried to break up with him many times, but I just can't leave him because I loved him so much with all my heart.
2.) Kyle is one of the best guy I've ever met. One thing's for sure is that he's loyal. Not all guys are like that.
3.) Kyle makes me happy. He always smile that brightens up your day. Even if things aren't working well between us or when I'm so down, he doesn't know that deep inside me, I'm very lucky and happy that I still have him - He never understand this.
4.) I treasure Kyle and I don't want to lose him. Honestly, he's the guy who gave me another reason to live when I lost my ex-bf. I just don't want to tell him this because I don't want him to feel that he's been a "panakip-butas" which is not.
5.) I can't also blame him for not giving me all his support, care, hugs, kisses, caress, and stuffs anymore. Because he told me that I'm not deserving. I think it's true. I don't deserve them at all.
6.) I've been so selfish with Kyle. Because I only want him to be with me always. That's why I think he's already get used to me. Sometimes, I need to let go of him. - I don't know if my english sentence is right. (Naging selfish ako kay Kyle, gusto ko sya laging kasama. Kaya nga naisip ko na parang nasawa nalang din sya saken).
7.) Broken Promises of Kyle. We both have lots of broken promises to each other. I started it. I broke one of my promises and that's how it started. Since then, he break his promises too. We really can't blame Kyle for that. - People gets FULL.

Anyway, I hope things are clear with you guys too. I'm so down right now, can't type all the things I wanted to say. I feel so weak without Kyle. Thanks also for those who left a message and advice in my ChatterBox and Comments.

What's Going On With Us?

Things are starting to fall apart between me and Kyle.
1.) I can't blame him coz even if I didn't mean to hurt him, he would still hurt me. He would say that so we're "quits". KYLE'S MIND - (If you hurt my feelings, I will hurt your feelings too).
2.) He stopped telling me - "I love you".
3.) He told me this awhile ago - "Wala na akong paki-alam sayo".

*Note: After what happened today, I don't feel the love for him anymore. Maybe 1% left. I'm so much hurt. He even promised me that after he resign in BIG Picture Production, he will spend his time with me, but what happend? Nothing! He's spending his time with the E.R.S. more than me. Can't even argue that with him coz he will only tell me that I don't know how to categorize between a "MATERIAL THING" and "ME".

I feel that he's tired of me. I'm already decided that I should help myself start to move-on. I really have no choice but to do this so that I won't get hurt too much. I'm also thankful for him coz he taught me how to be independent, like keeping all my problems within me. Though it makes me feel weak because I'm not used to it, but I think I can still find someone who can catch me anytime I break down. Can't take this anymore. I'm so hurt. I don't know where he is right now - "AGAIN".

Centennial Fiesta Carshow in Bulacan ^^

*Watch out for the Show in RPN9 - February 26, 2007 (3pm-4pm) ^-^

1pc. Sony Amplifier, 2pcs. 12" Sony Xplod and 1pc. V12 Amplifier on the other side :D

Here We Go Again

February - Month of Love. But still I hear lots of couples are breaking up. Maybe it's just because I'm one of them. My Sweetieby asked for a space. Kinda scary huh? He told me that I "don't" have the "right" to feel those things. If I ask for space from him, did he give me that? Hell no! What about him? He ask for some space, but still I have to give him that or else he would just get mad at me by saying "you don't understand me", "you just think of yourself", etc. He get what he wants! He keeps on telling me that I get what I always want! Did I? Of course, he's the one who gets what he wants or else he'll get mad at me. Btw, I don't know where he really is right now. Same as what Lyle did to me, he wants space, he doesn't want me to text him or anything, because of what? Cheating behind my back? Going somewhere else with someone? That's what I'm scared of. Earlier, when he said he wants space and that he won't contact me, I'm decided to ask for a breakup with him, and retain our friendship. I did! He told me that if I will breakup with him, I will loss him permanently. Lots of things are going inside my mind. Will I let him go or not? It already came to his mouth that I'm not deserving everything he gives me at all. Will I still pursue our relationship? I also thought that he would be happy or even notice that I've been quiet with my problems and stuffs lately. But still, no! What am I thinking? I keep on thinking about him. He's not even listening that I really really need him since this morning. I long for his hug. I long for his caress. What do I get? SPACE! Oh great!

I have to go now. Stop crying. Stay in bed and try to figure things out for myself "again". I'm already having a headache. I might as well try to get some rest.

The "BIG" Difference.

First things first, I can't compose a message the way I want it to be. Some of my messages might be out of this topic, but will try to stay on it.

1.) I don't depend on anyone else anymore. Even Mami Teray, Kuya Dan, and Sweetieby knows I'm ok even if I'm not.
2.) "I can't have everything I want!" - Don't even know, where's my BF. If it's other people to meet up with him, he's so fast.

Example:
*9am in the morning.
Kyle: Papaliguan ko pa si Oz.
aBy: Ahh.. Ok..
*9:30am - 10am in the morning (Kyle's at ERS already)

---Difference---

*9am in the morning.
Kyle: Paliguan ko si Oz kasi one week na sya walang ligo.
aBy: Ahh.. Ok.. I wanna see you na eh..
Kyle: Sige na, bibilisan ko na to.
aBy: Ok.
*2pm in the afternoon (sa wakas, he arrived na rin!)

3.) "Nakakatamad at nakakasawa na magkwento ng mga problems." - Helps me to keep quiet and hide my feelings.
4.) Keeping and hiding problems to myself makes me feel 'I'm running away from my problems' and 'It seems that I'm not achieving anything or any goals'. - Makes me short-tempered and sensitive.
5.) Sleepless nights.
6.) Longing for sweetness.
7.) Running away from doing decisions. - Makes me feel hopeless and Helpless.
8.) Avoiding friends, close friends, and etc. - Helps me to not open up with anyone of them.
9.) Wanting to have a vacation due to stress, problems, and stuffs.
10.) Don't mind or expect something from "Promises" too much. - It can break your relationship and it will only break your heart.
11.) I don't deserve it. - That's according to him because I don't listen to him and etc. (How about now? Do I still ask for any help or anything from you?-No! Are you aware of what's going on with me lately?-Nah! Biting nails = Makes me somehow lessen the panic mode "maybe").

My apologies, as of now, I can't continue this topic anymore. "Nakakatamad at nakakasawa na magkwento ng mga ganito and other problems." I think I have to wait for another time when I feel like writing again.

San Beda Carshow ^^

The New Me - 2007

Pimp My Ride :P~

San Sebastian Carshow ^^

Go ERS!! ^-^

New Blog Address.

This blog will be re-direct to a new website address due to some personal reasons and issues.

-CLOSE-

Changes - Guys nga naman..

Guys nga naman... - at first, sweet, thoughful, kind, considerate, understanding na akala mo kayo na para sa isa't-isa at akala mo sya lang ang makakaintindi sayo kahit na anong mangyari.. Just a thought. He changed a lot. He likes to go "solo" in whatever he do lately. He also told me... 1.) "Wag mo ng pansinin kotse ko" (Hey, are you sure about what you're saying? Why are you telling me that you know I'm interested in cars? You shouldn't have told me that I'm interested in cars too. Just realized that Lyle is somewhat right, he even told me na wag ko syang pakialamanan dati kundi hihiwalayan nya ako, same like you, I think you want that kind of howe), 2.) "Wag mo ng gawing issue pa yung mga lalaki"..something like that.. (I'm just joking about that), 3.) Note: Kim - "Kaya ng mga babae bumuhat ng mga mabibigat" (a. Did you know that I carry lots of heavy fliers "EVERYDAY" [Are they carrying all the things I do "EVERYDAY"?] b. Work for Landmark-Do this and do that? c. Go to errands such as getting stocks or raw materials by walking and commuting from North to South of Manila? Hindi yan dinadaan sa practice para matuto ka magbuhat ng mga mabibigat because I thought it would, pero hindi rin yan totoo dahil sinubukan ko yan hanggat bumigay na katawan ko sa mga dinadala ko last time at ayoko na maulit yon, depende yan kung gaano mo na ginamit ang katawan mo araw araw na para bumigay nalang sya agad!!). How can I be a perfect girl for you if I can't even be like Kim who can carry heavy things? How can I be a perfect girl kung lagi mali ang mga ginagwa ko at decisions ko lagi lagi. You even told me this many many times..."I'm sick and tired of you".. I'm emphasizing that to myself as how you told me, coz you're insisting that to me, whatever you tell me, I treasure it and keep in mind. And here we go again... Round and round... *Whoosh!*

Lust

Lust is bad. . . Is "X" healthy in a relationship?

Lyle's Family :)

Finally...
Here's the picture of Lyle's Family.
(Winsome of Grand Lethal, their cute baby, and Weightless of Insurrection and Pro-Blacksmiths) *Congratulations*

1st Anniversary ^^

Happy 1st Anniversary Sweetieby!! May we have many more annivs to come!! :D Love you so much with all my heart! :)

Nintendogs = Tamagochi

Nintendogs similar as Tamagochi. One of my all-time favorite game in DS Lite. They interact with you each minute and everywhere you go. I got myself a Siberian Husky named "Plushy", he is so cute, intelligent, but very stubborn. Pif! Pif! Pif! Anyway, I enjoyed his company since my Sweetieby gave the DS Lite to me and installed the games. You have to feed it, groom it, walk with it, and etc. on how you "really" take care of a "real dog". It's kewl! :D

"Milenyo"

September 28: Milenyo Calamity. The whole Luzon had a black-out. Milenyo had been a big disaster; lots of people were killed, cars were damaged, trees fall down, flood everywhere, billboards were also destroyed, aluminum sheets flew, and some glasses and buildings were damaged. It's really hard to live in modern days, you never get to use your mobile phones, games gadgets, cable tv, computer and internet. People tend to spend their time outside and causes traffic.

DS Lite :">

*Drool* My Sweetieby gave me a DS Lite - Black Version. It was really cool!! :) I can't put it down unless the batteries' empty. >:) *Will put the picture later* :D

BIG Picture Productions Blog

I can't retrieve the informations of the BIG Picture Productions Blog I've made. Someone changed all the details...

http://thebigpictureproductions.blogspot.com

*Sigh*

...Missing You...

1.) I miss the "old" you.
2.) I miss the way you love me.
3.) I miss your being sweetness.
4.) I miss the way you touch me.
5.) I miss everything in you!

YOU'VE CHANGED A LOT TOWARDS ME.

Stop. Read.

Though for the day:
I can't love someone who I can't depend on.