Song For The Day-8 ^^

Katherine McPhee - Over It
I'm over your lies,
and I'm over your games.
I'm over you asking me,
when you know I'm not okay.
You call me at night,
and I pick up the phone.
And then you be telling me,
I know your not alone.
ohh..

Thats why
(your eyes)
I'm over it
(your smile)
I'm over it
(realize)
I'm over it
I'm over it
I'm over..

Wanting you,
to be wanting me.
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I'm so over..
Moving on, its my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..

I'm over your hands,
and I'm over your mouth.
Trying to drag me down,
and fill me with self-doubt.
ohh..

Thats why,
(your words)
I'm over it
(so sure)
I'm over it
(i'm not your girl)
I'm over it
I'm over it
I'm over...

Wanting you,to be wanting me.
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I'm so over..
Moving on, its my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..

Don't call,don't come by,
ain't no use,don't ask me why,
you'll never change,
there'll be no more crying in the rain.

Wanting you,to be wanting me.
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I'm so over..
Moving on, its my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..
I'm so over it....
I'm over it....

Wanting you,to be wanting me.
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I'm so over..
Moving on, its my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..

Speed & Cake ^-^

Speed


Cake

Blog Blog

I don't know if blogger.com is not working for how many weeks ago. It's hard to open my Blog and if I view my Journal, all the items, links, counters and shoutbox won't load. Until now, I'm having a hard time opening my blog. All the command buttons and everything won't also work. I hope this will go through.

I Tried. Nothing Happend. Bounced Back.

QUESTION: AKALA NYO ANG PAG-OPEN UP SA RELATIONSHIP AY MAKAKABUTI??
ANSWER: SUS! HINDI RIN KAYO MAGKAKAINTINDIHAN!!! PA-OPEN UP OPEN UP PA KAYO DYAN, EH HINDI NAMAN KAYO MAGKAKAINTINDIHAN DIN!! LABO DIN ANO? MAS MALALAMAN PA NG BF OR GF NYO KUNG PANO MAKIPAG-PLASTIKAN DAHIL KUNG ANU GUSTO MONG GAWIN AT MANGYARI, YUN NALANG ANG GAGAWIN NILA. IN THE END, KAW RIN ANG TALO. DAHIL NAKUKUHA MO NGA ANG GUSTO MO MANGYARI PERO DINEMAND MO LANG SA PARTNER MO, HINDI NILA YAN KUSA GUSTONG GAWIN (ANO YUN? ONE-SIDED RELATIONSHIP?). TALO KA RIN SA HULI AT HINDI MO MALALAMAN KUNG SINCERE PA SAYO ANG BF OR GF MO SAYO. DAHIL KAW NALANG ANG HUMIHINGI KUNG ANO GUSTO MO MANGYARI EH DIBA?

EXAMPLE:
ME: GUSTO KO NA PAG MAY PROBLEMA AKO OR SOMETHING ANDYAN KA..
KYLE: GANITO NALANG, HINDI NA AKO MAGSASALITA KUNDI MAG-OO NALANG AKO AT SASABIHIN KO NALANG NA KAYA MO YAN. TUTAL HINDI KA NAMAN MAKIKINIG RIN SAKEN.
ME: AYAW KO NG GANUN EH..
KYLE: SIGE, KUNG GUSTO MO, TUTULUNGAN KITA, BIBIGYAN KITA NG PAYO, TAPOS BAHALA KA NA KUNG MAKIKINIG KA O HINDI. TUTAL HINDI KA RIN NAMAN NAKIKINIG SAKEN EH. SAYANG LANG LAWAY KO. (SO ANO NAPALA NYO? EDI NASAKTAN KA PA SA SINABI NYANG MGA SALITA. NAG-OPEN UP KA NA NGA, KAW PA ANG NASABIHAN NG MGA NAKAKASAKIT NA SALITA AT PAGPLAPLANUHAN PA NG BF OR GF NYO KUNG ANO ANG AYAW NYO MANGYARI SA GUSTO MO MANGYARI OR PWEDE RIN NA KAW NALANG ANG HUMIHINGI NG KUNG ANO GUSTO MO MANGYARI. ANO YUN? DEMANDING KA NALANG SA PARTNER MO PARATI? ONE-SIDED RELATIONSHIP O ROBOT?).

BY THE WAY...
1.) HE WANTS THESE FOLLOWING:
A.) LAGING SUMAGOT AGAD PAG MAY TINATANONG SYA OR KUNG NAGUUSAP KAMI.
B.) PAG SINIMULAN KO MAGLAMBING, WAG IBITIN.
C.) SA KAMAY MAGHAWAK.
2.) I TRIED TO OPEN UP WITH KYLE, NOTHING HAPPEND. GANUN PA RIN. HINDI LANG KAMI MAGKAKAINTINDIHAN AND LALO LANG NAPASAMA. HINDI NA DAW SYA MAGIGING KATULAD NG DATI. - ANG DAMI PA NAMAN NYA PINROMISE SAKEN SOBRA SOBRA TAPOS NAGING FEELING SECURED NAMAN AKO, I WAS WRONG, HINDI NAMAN PALA. I THOUGHT NA KUNG MAKIUSAP AKO ULIT SA KANYA NGAYON, IT WOULD END UP LIKE WHAT WE ARE DATI, HINDI NAMAN PALA. NICE TRY.

EXAMPLE:
ME: SWEETIEBY.. KELANGAN KO NG MAY MAG-GUIDE SAKEN.. INIWAN NA AKO NG IBANG LAGI KO KAUSAP DAHIL HINDI AKO NAKIKINIG SA KANILA EH..
KYLE: HINDI KA NGA NAKIKINIG SAMIN EH. LAHAT NG TAO MAY KANYA KANYANG PASENSYA BINIBIGAY SAYO HANGGAT SA MAGSAWA SILA. (SO U MEAN YUNG DATI MO PINAGMAMALAKI SAKEN NA HINDI KA MAGSASAWA, EH NAGSAWA KA DIN RIGHT?).

ANG DAMI PA SOBRA ANG GUSTO KONG SABIHIN DITO! MARAMING DIFFERENCES NA DAPAT KONG TANGGAPIN. PAG HINDI KO RAW SYA KAYANG TANGGAPIN KUNG SINO SYA, IWAN KO DAW SYA (HINDI NAMAN SI KYLE DATI GANITO EH), KUNG GUSTO KO RAW SYA IWAN, WALA NA SYANG PAKI-ALAM (DATI SINASABI NI KYLE SAKEN NA KUNG IIWAN KO SYA, ASA NALANG AKO, NGAYON WALA NA, OK LANG DAW KUNG IIWAN KO SYA. IT MEANS, HAHAYAAN NALANG NYA AKO MAWALA, YUN LANG), AT MADAMI PANG IBA. ISA ISAHIN NATIN PAG MAY ORAS AT KUNG NAALALA KO YUNG IBA. HALOS SABOG NA AKO SOBRA EH! SARILING ULO KO GUSTO KO NG BASAGIN AT MAMATAY NALANG PARA MATAHIMIK NALANG AKO.

Good & Bad

Today was my lucky day. I was able to hug Kyle lots of times. Everything seems great this day but due to some fast driving at the dawn makes me feels bad that turned out to be a bad day for the both of us again. My classmate Ryan Atienza just died on a car accident, he bump into a Bus Station or Bus Stop Stand, he's brain were all out of his head. It's fresh on my mind that our friend, high school classmate just passed away. Last night, around 1:30AM, we were going back to Manila from Imus Cavite Carshow. It started when we were in Coastal Road, he didn't see the jeep infront of us that he have to swerved on the other side of the road and step on the break because the hutchback car is infront of us too. I just don't know why he wants to drive too fast and play around with other cars such as taxi. He keeps on overtaking on a normal road then I told him not to drive too fast because I'm scared, but he'll only tell me that "Anu ka ba?! Gusto ko to gawin eh! Itong gusto ko!", "Pinagtritripan ko lang yung taxi" then he would cut the taxi if we get on a stoplight. He told me that "Pabayaan mo nalang ako! Ito ang gusto ko eh! Hihihi!". If I'm scared, he'll only tell me "Oh! Ayan ka na naman, simangot na naman!", "Oh! Ayan ka na naman!", "Anu ba?! Ang arte arte mo!". Hindi pa sya nadadala sa dating nangyari sa L300 nila sa Quezon Avenue when I was with him. Muntik na sya matubo, nasira pa ang L300, at galit na galit ang mga tao samin na hinagisan na kami ng mga kung anu anung bagay sa kotse. For just a simple horn of L300 palang yun, what more if iniipit mo ang isang kotse or nakikikarera ka dahil wala lang, trip mo lang kasi eh..? Anyway, I keep on forgetting that I shouldn't care of anything between us especially my life now but still I keep on saying "I still want to live and I'm happy with my life" to myself that I shouldn't be. Kyle didn't know that I always feel my life's at stake whenever we're inside his car. I'm no longer his responsibility anymore too. I should keep that in mind. Many times, I keep on forgetting that, did you know that that's the reason why we always fight? Because I'm like his mum daw telling him not to drive too fast and etc. Isn't it great not having a right with your boyfriend? - Can't even warn him or else. Yeah! I should try to mantain everything he wants, it's the best way to keep our relationship at peace and steady.

P.S. I don't want to take this topic out my blog just in case.

Sex Partner

I know we are mature now to talk about things like "Sex Partner". First things first, I don't see this maliciously, not even shy or bothered to share this to my blog. Some people have sex because that's where they let all their stress, pressure and problems out even for awhile it gets your brain more rooms and oxygen while some do it for their own pleasure. Honestly, I was confused with what I'm feeling lately, a kind of feeling that I want to do it. This started last month of January (at first, it was just nothing and it wasn't this bad) until today (it becomes worst each day and now it affects the whole me). Kyle has lots of things in mind and lots of problems so things aren't that good between us. He explained that to me. I'm trying to understand that as much as I can but behinda that some stupid thoughts crossed my mind, thinking if I can get a sex partner. I have shared this topic with 2 guys and 1 girl. They told me that it's ok because I'm the ones who's going to decide about that. 2 guys offered me to be their sex partner or we're just going to try it once. Is it normal to think about this? Then I thought of some guys who looks for girls so they can have sex with them. I also thought of some girls who looks for guys so they can have sex with them too. I known some girls do that with no malice at all. Now I know the feeling why they look for it. I remember when I still don't know anything about this, I was trying to figure out what they feel, why do they like to have sex and why are they looking for this kind of stuffs with others. For me, sex makes a relationship stronger. It is true! Anyway, back to where I was. I plan to have a sex partner but still I'm deciding although I know I still have things to consider - I'm still with Kyle, it wouldn't be nice to have one. Maybe I just have to keep on holding on and keep in mind that I should be loyal to him after all. I thought of the old me, I missed being innocent, the old me - knows nothing and people keeps laughing at me because I don't know anything about this stuffs.

"Maling Akala"

I thought things between me and Kyle are ok now but I'm wrong. For Kyle, we're ok because I'm the one who always go to him, call him, talk to him, take away my pride if there's any fights or arguments and etc. I'm starting to get full. Can't even depend on him especially when I ask help from him. I don't even feel his love anymore. I'm too confused with the feelings I have now. I'm trying to push myself to him while he's trying to push himself away from me.

I'm already trying to leave all the past memories me and Kyle had because all of his promises are not coming anymore. I don't want to dwell with all his promises to me. I don't even want to keep his promises anymore or else I'll just end up getting hurt and nothing.

I know that I have another book to close that wouldn't close because I only keep on coming back to him (Kyle). Honestly, I should learn to stop loving him. I'm trying to take this one step at a time - can't do it once and for all. I still love him even if I don't get or feel his love for me. Hopefully, I can close our book little by little. Maybe this will help me move on and just treat him as a friend or buddy. In that way, I can still be with him and not only love him in distance but beside me always.

Sayonara Ms. Fashionista

*Sigh* I asked Kyle to help me with the screenshots of my Audition character because I wanted to join the contest "Ms. Fashionista" for this month of March. Days or weeks passed by, he asked me to go to his house and bring my laptop but my cellphone is broken (it shuts down and doesn't want to open) that's why I got his message late that I can't go out of our house anymore because dadidudez is home already. He told me the other day that he would've take the printscreens if I got to his house when he asked me to go there. I even told him awhile ago that some people in Audition wants to vote for my character, so that makes me more excited...he just turned me down. He told me "Practice lng yan". Practice to take my own printscreens while I play. Oh great! I even tried that many times, it's too hard pressing all the "directions (arrows)" and "spacebar" below the keyboard then you still have to press the "printscreen" above the keyboard, by the time I pressed the printscreen, my character is not dancing anymore. I envy those who were able to join, they have lots of beautiful screenshots, every move of their characters has it's own screenshots as well. I just wish Kyle would help me out, but he won't do it. We'll just have arguments so might as well stop dreaming of joining the Ms. Fashionista contest.

"Lagi Nalang Ako Mali"

Never a day na hindi kami nagaaway at nagtatampuhan. Hindi ko na talaga alam. Napapa-tagalog na ako ngayon sa blog ko. Lagi nalang akong mali sa paningin ni Kyle. Naninindak pa sya. Kanina ok naman kami, pero since kakain na kami nung gabi, tinanong nya ako kung saan ko daw gusto kumain, so sinabi ko sa chowking. Tapos, nung malapit na kami sa chowking, nakita namin na sarado. So, sabi nya, pumili pa daw ako ng iba. Sabi ko may chowking pa dun sa may Quezon Avenue, sabi nya malayo na daw yun. Eh ang bukas nalang dun samin ay yung KFC and Yellow Cab. Sabi ko sa KFC nalang kung gusto nya. Nung magpa-park na kami, napansin ko na parang maliit yung parking space (which is normally umaangal si Kyle pag maliit ang parking space lalo na kung pataas dahil baka tumama yung bumper nya), kaya tinanong ko sya na "sure ka, na dyan ka magpapark?" (Meron pa sa looban, mas patag ang parking lot dun). Nagalit ba naman sakin! Sabi nya "Umuwi nalang nga tayo!". Tapos sabi ko "Sorry! Bakit ba? Inaalala ko lang naman na baka sumagi or hindi kayanan sa bumper mo!". Ang sagot nya saken "Haay! Ang dami dami mo pa kasi sinasabi!" (Sobrang nakakatakot dahil inis na inis na sya saken). Edi nagpatakbo ba sya ng mabilis at inikot nya ng mabilis sobra yung kotse nya papuntang bahay namin. Tapos nun sabi ko sa kanya na "Kumain na kasi tayo dahil gutom tayo!". Ayun, nagalit pa sya saken. After nun, sabi nya "San ba talaga?!" (Galit na galit yung tono nya). Sabi ko "Sa KFC na nga eh!". Kaya bumalik na naman kami dun sa area. Sinabi pa nya na "Ayoko na sa KFC, pumili ka ng iba at magisip ka pa ng iba!". Sabi ko. "Grabe! Yan nalang ang bukas eh! Pumili ka! KFC or Yellow Cab?!". Sabi nya saken "Ikaw na kasi pumili!" (Galit na galit na galit na sobra). Sabi ko "Eh kung ayaw mo sa KFC, edi sa Yellow Cab nalang, dahil yun nalang bukas talaga dito sa area namin eh!". Tapos tinanong pa nya ako ha! "Kaw?! San ba?!". So sinabi ko kung san ko talaga gusto, edi sinagot ko sa kanya "Sa KFC"! Ito ang masayang sinagot nya saken "Cge, ikaw sa KFC, ako sa Yellow Cab!". Anu yun diba? Mali ko na naman!! Lagi nalang ako ang may mali eh!! Ang bilis sobra kumulo ng dugo nya saken! Tapos pag dating sa loob, ako pina-order. Nag-order ako sa counter, tinanong ko pa yung cashier kung anu masarap sa dalawa? Yung mushroom or 4 cheese pizza? Sabi nung cashier "ay ma'am, yung 4 cheese po!". Ako naman, ok na dun! Aba, nung pagdating nung pizza, galit na galit na naman saken si Kyle. Mali na naman ako!! O diba? Tapos ang dami dami nya sobra pinagbubulong at pinagsasabi! Galit na galit sobra sobra saken si Kyle! Kulang nalang makakaluto na ako ng itlog sa ulo nya pag nakikita at nakakasama nya ako dahil mali naman ako lagi para sa kanya eh! Ayun, tig-isa lng kinain namin na pizza tapos umalis na kami agad. Feeling ko tuloy na hindi na talaga ako para sa kanya at hindi ko na sya napapasaya dahil mali nalang ako parati. Nung inuwi nya ako, galit na galit pa rin sya saken, iniwan na nga lang ako pumasok sa bahay dahil kaagad sya bumaba ng kotse dala mga gamit ko eh. Normally, naguusap pa kami sandali sa kotse bago ako bumababa. Kanina, naku! Iniwan nalang ako. Gusto ko na nga magwala kanina eh. Ayoko lang na may magising samin dito kaya pinigil ko kahit napakahirap sobra. Ewan ko ba. Mali lang kasi ako lagi eh. Hindi ko na alam kung paano ko pa mapapasaya si Kyle. Parang ayaw na rin kasi nya kaya laging mabilis nalang uminit ulo nya saken siguro. Sobrang ayaw ko lang mawala itong si Kyle, kaya ko gusto syang tiisin kahit na may konteng takot ako. Wala naman akong masabihan ng nararamdaman ko talaga sa loob ko eh! Kung gaano kasakit at naguguluhan na ako sobra. Hindi ko naman sya masabihan ng mga ito at makapag-open up eh. Dahil malaking gulo lang ang abot ko sa kanya at yan ang ikakagalit na naman nya saken.

Empty

I don't know how to help myself anymore. I keep on dwelling with what me and Kyle had the past year in our relationship. He spoils me, he loves me for who I am, he wants my world to revolve around him, he wants me to depend on him always, he guides me, he warms my heart, I feel his love to me - so much, he cares for me, we always text especially our schedules with each other, he calls everytime to me, he knows no-busy schedules whenever he's with me and etc.
1.) I don't know how to control myself - I just want to hurt myself and go crazy inside my room. I keep on kicking and throwing all the things inside my room.
2.) I feel EMPTY since Kyle has changed alot - He has a personal problem that caused him to change maybe.
3.) I still have to make lots of adjustments - I don't know where to start now.
4.) Stop loving Kyle too much - NO good for me to love him so much and NO Obsession too.
5.) I keep on panicking, I feel so cold, I feel so empty, I miss everything about Kyle and lots and lots of things.

I just want to control myself, how to stop feeling this thing that I shouldn't throw things and stop being crazy as a hell because of loving Kyle so much. I have no one to exhaust to, this is one of the reason he won't understand why I go crazy and do stupid things such as throwing all the things I have inside my room. I just want Kyle! How I wish that Kyle would not only be my boyfriend but also a loving caring dependable bestfriend, companion, my exhaust and stuffs. He's like that when we were at our first year relationship, now it's all gone. =_(

Things To Do/Remember:

1.) I have no right to Kyle.
2.) I have no right to ask/know where Kyle is.
3.) I should try not to text him too much to avoid him getting full of me.
4.) I should try not to let my world revolve around him.
5.) No S************!! - It can make a Big Difference.
6.) Stop being a stubborn "Makulit" person.
7.) One Question = One Answer.
8.) No "Speak your mind", or else, you'll just end up in a Big Fight.

I Found The Answer To Kyle's Question

Why is it that bad things are easily remembered than of the good things made by the person you love to you? Because bad things are like wounds that leave scars (*Note: Scars will always remain because it's etched or like engraved) to us while good things are like memories that leave memories (*Note: Memories comes once in awhile, you don't always remember memories right? Also you'll get used to it especially when you keep on sharing that stories with anybody you knew).

P.S. Kyle always questions me this. If you were in my shoe, what do you think is the answer? There's no right or wrong here. Speak your mind guys. Maybe I'll be able to find the real answer to this question if we sum up all our ideas to it.

Movie Marathon & Jackpot

Despite of having a big fight and arguements this afternoon, me & Kyle still continued our Movie Marathon plan. Epic Movie & Ghost Rider. The movies were great! :) Kyle also got the Jackpot Ticket Prize in the Trivia Machine at Timezone. I'm so overwhelmed with the numbers of tickets we got. He even bought me to the Book Shop, it was totally awesome. Almost all of the books are there. I wish I had taken a photo of that place. It was really nice and all bookworms are there reading books and choosing what they want to purchase. I promise myself that I'll go back to the Book Shop once it opens on March1. Can't wait for it! ^-^

No Chance. No Return.

1.) We had a fight "again"!
--->Nothing New.
2.) He told me that he's so full of me.
--->*Sigh* Always.
3.) I'm full of drama because I always cry.
--->All girls cry when they are hurt, don't they? Or is it just I'm a cry-baby?
4.) He even poked my feet when my crying face is at his pillow, he told me he's talking to me. (In a threat look).
--->He never poke me when he's mad even once but it made me think if he can hurt me physically coz yesterday involves one even if it is not too hard.
5.) He told me that once he gets full of me, he won't talk to me anymore.
--->There's NO CHANCE left for me once he gets full of me. He even told me that he is FULL OF ME already.
6.) He even told me not to bother him anymore with what he wants to do.
--->I only stop him if he's driving too fast. Did he stop doing that? No, because he told me that's his happiness.
7.) Paranoid me?
--->Yep. Maybe. Because I don't know where he's at always. He arrives home late at night (in fact, at dawn). I don't know where he's been going and what's he up to. Sorry guys especially sorry to Lyle, but I've been there. Boys going to bars late at night, hanging out with gurls and go out with them. Boys meet other girls. They don't even care if you do something else like Sex. Yes, I trust my bf and I know he keeps on telling me that he's loyal. (To give too much trust is risky, it's an advantage like what Lyle did to me *Sorry again if I made you as an example Lyle*). But what is it like if you have a bf who never tells you where he always go? And goes home at dawn? He never calls you or never text you and all you know that he was home. So you tried to call their house and his brothers and sisters will tell you he's not yet home. Then later, you will hear or learn to someone else that he went there with us, he did this with us, and etc. After sometime, you also saw pictures with time and date at dawn. Kumbaga, sa iba mo pa nalaman diba? And you start questioning yourself, why didn't you know that? Is he getting tired of me? Am I not fun to be with? Is he having fun with his friends than being with me?

Shaiya

Usagi-Chan, here's what I've been telling you. The art I was looking for long time ago when we put this airbrush on our Lancer's hood because I don't have the detailed copy of the Graphics. Many thanks for the site. Look at the art, every single details are kinda different from the ones airbrushed.

Words VS. Feelings VS. Changes

Words cannot tell what I feel. I'm so overwhelmed with what I'm trying to deal with myself and changes that I feel between me and Kyle.

Back To You

Back to you. Something new right? I can't take what's going on to me, I keep on kicking and punching my head, haven't sleep yet. Next day, when I was on the taxi to go to work, I can't help but cry, so I talked to the taxi driver if we can go to Kyle's place first before I go to work. Even if I'm scared to see him, all I know is that I wanted to feel his hug again. I tried to fix things and wasn't able to go to work. I hugged him so tightly. I tried to hold back my tears but I just couldn't. I don't know if the reason he get back to me is just because he pity me. Why whould I say that? When I went to their house, I just saw him in his mum's room watching tv. When I gave him a hug and cried again, silence roams around the room. I hope he doesn't just pity me that's why he get back to me.

Going back to him, isn't too easy. There are still consequences that I have to deal with.
1.) Normally he calls every 8:30AM and 7:30PM at the house. Sometimes he even calls me anytime he's free within the day. - But not now. He doesn't even call me even if he's out.
2.) I don't know where he's going always. - I should try not to make it a big deal, he might just get mad at me. This can start a BIG FIGHT "again".

There are still lots of things conquering my mind. Still a little bit unrecovered and confused as well. But I'm glad that somehow, me and Kyle are ok.

Untitled-2

I...

Last Book

Here I am again, trying to write what happend today. Things are very complicated between me and Kyle. He broke up with me. Even if we try to fix things, still, we're not done fighting all over again. I'm too much hard-headed girl, who always wants the attention of Kyle - That's ME!

To those who reads my blog, let me just clarify something to you guys. I don't want you to see Kyle as a bad person..
1.) I can't blame Kyle to what's happening, coz I also hurt him so badly. In a way, I also tried to break up with him many times, but I just can't leave him because I loved him so much with all my heart.
2.) Kyle is one of the best guy I've ever met. One thing's for sure is that he's loyal. Not all guys are like that.
3.) Kyle makes me happy. He always smile that brightens up your day. Even if things aren't working well between us or when I'm so down, he doesn't know that deep inside me, I'm very lucky and happy that I still have him - He never understand this.
4.) I treasure Kyle and I don't want to lose him. Honestly, he's the guy who gave me another reason to live when I lost my ex-bf. I just don't want to tell him this because I don't want him to feel that he's been a "panakip-butas" which is not.
5.) I can't also blame him for not giving me all his support, care, hugs, kisses, caress, and stuffs anymore. Because he told me that I'm not deserving. I think it's true. I don't deserve them at all.
6.) I've been so selfish with Kyle. Because I only want him to be with me always. That's why I think he's already get used to me. Sometimes, I need to let go of him. - I don't know if my english sentence is right. (Naging selfish ako kay Kyle, gusto ko sya laging kasama. Kaya nga naisip ko na parang nasawa nalang din sya saken).
7.) Broken Promises of Kyle. We both have lots of broken promises to each other. I started it. I broke one of my promises and that's how it started. Since then, he break his promises too. We really can't blame Kyle for that. - People gets FULL.

Anyway, I hope things are clear with you guys too. I'm so down right now, can't type all the things I wanted to say. I feel so weak without Kyle. Thanks also for those who left a message and advice in my ChatterBox and Comments.

What's Going On With Us?

Things are starting to fall apart between me and Kyle.
1.) I can't blame him coz even if I didn't mean to hurt him, he would still hurt me. He would say that so we're "quits". KYLE'S MIND - (If you hurt my feelings, I will hurt your feelings too).
2.) He stopped telling me - "I love you".
3.) He told me this awhile ago - "Wala na akong paki-alam sayo".

*Note: After what happened today, I don't feel the love for him anymore. Maybe 1% left. I'm so much hurt. He even promised me that after he resign in BIG Picture Production, he will spend his time with me, but what happend? Nothing! He's spending his time with the E.R.S. more than me. Can't even argue that with him coz he will only tell me that I don't know how to categorize between a "MATERIAL THING" and "ME".

I feel that he's tired of me. I'm already decided that I should help myself start to move-on. I really have no choice but to do this so that I won't get hurt too much. I'm also thankful for him coz he taught me how to be independent, like keeping all my problems within me. Though it makes me feel weak because I'm not used to it, but I think I can still find someone who can catch me anytime I break down. Can't take this anymore. I'm so hurt. I don't know where he is right now - "AGAIN".

Centennial Fiesta Carshow in Bulacan ^^

*Watch out for the Show in RPN9 - February 26, 2007 (3pm-4pm) ^-^

1pc. Sony Amplifier, 2pcs. 12" Sony Xplod and 1pc. V12 Amplifier on the other side :D

Here We Go Again

February - Month of Love. But still I hear lots of couples are breaking up. Maybe it's just because I'm one of them. My Sweetieby asked for a space. Kinda scary huh? He told me that I "don't" have the "right" to feel those things. If I ask for space from him, did he give me that? Hell no! What about him? He ask for some space, but still I have to give him that or else he would just get mad at me by saying "you don't understand me", "you just think of yourself", etc. He get what he wants! He keeps on telling me that I get what I always want! Did I? Of course, he's the one who gets what he wants or else he'll get mad at me. Btw, I don't know where he really is right now. Same as what Lyle did to me, he wants space, he doesn't want me to text him or anything, because of what? Cheating behind my back? Going somewhere else with someone? That's what I'm scared of. Earlier, when he said he wants space and that he won't contact me, I'm decided to ask for a breakup with him, and retain our friendship. I did! He told me that if I will breakup with him, I will loss him permanently. Lots of things are going inside my mind. Will I let him go or not? It already came to his mouth that I'm not deserving everything he gives me at all. Will I still pursue our relationship? I also thought that he would be happy or even notice that I've been quiet with my problems and stuffs lately. But still, no! What am I thinking? I keep on thinking about him. He's not even listening that I really really need him since this morning. I long for his hug. I long for his caress. What do I get? SPACE! Oh great!

I have to go now. Stop crying. Stay in bed and try to figure things out for myself "again". I'm already having a headache. I might as well try to get some rest.

The "BIG" Difference.

First things first, I can't compose a message the way I want it to be. Some of my messages might be out of this topic, but will try to stay on it.

1.) I don't depend on anyone else anymore. Even Mami Teray, Kuya Dan, and Sweetieby knows I'm ok even if I'm not.
2.) "I can't have everything I want!" - Don't even know, where's my BF. If it's other people to meet up with him, he's so fast.

Example:
*9am in the morning.
Kyle: Papaliguan ko pa si Oz.
aBy: Ahh.. Ok..
*9:30am - 10am in the morning (Kyle's at ERS already)

---Difference---

*9am in the morning.
Kyle: Paliguan ko si Oz kasi one week na sya walang ligo.
aBy: Ahh.. Ok.. I wanna see you na eh..
Kyle: Sige na, bibilisan ko na to.
aBy: Ok.
*2pm in the afternoon (sa wakas, he arrived na rin!)

3.) "Nakakatamad at nakakasawa na magkwento ng mga problems." - Helps me to keep quiet and hide my feelings.
4.) Keeping and hiding problems to myself makes me feel 'I'm running away from my problems' and 'It seems that I'm not achieving anything or any goals'. - Makes me short-tempered and sensitive.
5.) Sleepless nights.
6.) Longing for sweetness.
7.) Running away from doing decisions. - Makes me feel hopeless and Helpless.
8.) Avoiding friends, close friends, and etc. - Helps me to not open up with anyone of them.
9.) Wanting to have a vacation due to stress, problems, and stuffs.
10.) Don't mind or expect something from "Promises" too much. - It can break your relationship and it will only break your heart.
11.) I don't deserve it. - That's according to him because I don't listen to him and etc. (How about now? Do I still ask for any help or anything from you?-No! Are you aware of what's going on with me lately?-Nah! Biting nails = Makes me somehow lessen the panic mode "maybe").

My apologies, as of now, I can't continue this topic anymore. "Nakakatamad at nakakasawa na magkwento ng mga ganito and other problems." I think I have to wait for another time when I feel like writing again.

San Beda Carshow ^^

The New Me - 2007

Pimp My Ride :P~

San Sebastian Carshow ^^

Go ERS!! ^-^

New Blog Address.

This blog will be re-direct to a new website address due to some personal reasons and issues.

-CLOSE-

Changes - Guys nga naman..

Guys nga naman... - at first, sweet, thoughful, kind, considerate, understanding na akala mo kayo na para sa isa't-isa at akala mo sya lang ang makakaintindi sayo kahit na anong mangyari.. Just a thought. He changed a lot. He likes to go "solo" in whatever he do lately. He also told me... 1.) "Wag mo ng pansinin kotse ko" (Hey, are you sure about what you're saying? Why are you telling me that you know I'm interested in cars? You shouldn't have told me that I'm interested in cars too. Just realized that Lyle is somewhat right, he even told me na wag ko syang pakialamanan dati kundi hihiwalayan nya ako, same like you, I think you want that kind of howe), 2.) "Wag mo ng gawing issue pa yung mga lalaki"..something like that.. (I'm just joking about that), 3.) Note: Kim - "Kaya ng mga babae bumuhat ng mga mabibigat" (a. Did you know that I carry lots of heavy fliers "EVERYDAY" [Are they carrying all the things I do "EVERYDAY"?] b. Work for Landmark-Do this and do that? c. Go to errands such as getting stocks or raw materials by walking and commuting from North to South of Manila? Hindi yan dinadaan sa practice para matuto ka magbuhat ng mga mabibigat because I thought it would, pero hindi rin yan totoo dahil sinubukan ko yan hanggat bumigay na katawan ko sa mga dinadala ko last time at ayoko na maulit yon, depende yan kung gaano mo na ginamit ang katawan mo araw araw na para bumigay nalang sya agad!!). How can I be a perfect girl for you if I can't even be like Kim who can carry heavy things? How can I be a perfect girl kung lagi mali ang mga ginagwa ko at decisions ko lagi lagi. You even told me this many many times..."I'm sick and tired of you".. I'm emphasizing that to myself as how you told me, coz you're insisting that to me, whatever you tell me, I treasure it and keep in mind. And here we go again... Round and round... *Whoosh!*

Lust

Lust is bad. . . Is "X" healthy in a relationship?

Lyle's Family :)

Finally...
Here's the picture of Lyle's Family.
(Winsome of Grand Lethal, their cute baby, and Weightless of Insurrection and Pro-Blacksmiths) *Congratulations*

1st Anniversary ^^

Happy 1st Anniversary Sweetieby!! May we have many more annivs to come!! :D Love you so much with all my heart! :)

Nintendogs = Tamagochi

Nintendogs similar as Tamagochi. One of my all-time favorite game in DS Lite. They interact with you each minute and everywhere you go. I got myself a Siberian Husky named "Plushy", he is so cute, intelligent, but very stubborn. Pif! Pif! Pif! Anyway, I enjoyed his company since my Sweetieby gave the DS Lite to me and installed the games. You have to feed it, groom it, walk with it, and etc. on how you "really" take care of a "real dog". It's kewl! :D

"Milenyo"

September 28: Milenyo Calamity. The whole Luzon had a black-out. Milenyo had been a big disaster; lots of people were killed, cars were damaged, trees fall down, flood everywhere, billboards were also destroyed, aluminum sheets flew, and some glasses and buildings were damaged. It's really hard to live in modern days, you never get to use your mobile phones, games gadgets, cable tv, computer and internet. People tend to spend their time outside and causes traffic.

DS Lite :">

*Drool* My Sweetieby gave me a DS Lite - Black Version. It was really cool!! :) I can't put it down unless the batteries' empty. >:) *Will put the picture later* :D

BIG Picture Productions Blog

I can't retrieve the informations of the BIG Picture Productions Blog I've made. Someone changed all the details...

http://thebigpictureproductions.blogspot.com

*Sigh*

...Missing You...

1.) I miss the "old" you.
2.) I miss the way you love me.
3.) I miss your being sweetness.
4.) I miss the way you touch me.
5.) I miss everything in you!

YOU'VE CHANGED A LOT TOWARDS ME.

Stop. Read.

Though for the day:
I can't love someone who I can't depend on.

Money = Greed

Happenings for the past days:

1.) *Whew!* It's been so long since I've been working for my quota until for my next cut-off (August). I'm glad that all the hard work are really something worth accomplishing.

2.) Me and my Sweetieby had a little misunderstanding (I was the one who first provoke) and he walk too fast that I can't follow him (I was so scared because he was upset with me), but in the end, we compromise.

3.) My Sweetieby purchased a new Sony Ericsson Phone, W900 3G-Phone. It was one of my choices to buy.

4.) It was really an honor that my client from Hawaii, one of the Marriott's Restaurant Manager who purchased a unit from me at Newport - Marriott Hotel & Residential Resort last April came to Eastwood City. I thought he was about to give the 30% downpayment but he insisted that we'll meet again on Monday.

5.) Thinking that I should stop working first because all I'm talking about was how to get more MONEY and how I wish to be a multi-tasking person such as if I'm in Eastwood doing documents and papers of my client, I can also do other things at the same time. It's like that I'm a package the comes with a fax machine, xerox and scanner, that all of them can be use at the same time. That's how I value my time especially with work.

My dad and Sweetieby is right, I should not let Money go around my world everytime but all I can think about is that I want to earn lots and lots more money. I want to try and learn everything I see.

I also felt that I'm always talking with my Sweetieby about work and money, sometimes he just keeps quiet. Nakakawalang gana rin kasi paminsan na lagi nalang trabaho ang pinaguusapan that's why I understand my Sweetieby too. All I want now is to not rely on him too much first, because he won't hear anything from me instead of just work and money. Sometimes I keep on asking him about his company and work (The Big Picture Productions), I know that I'm interested in Events too that's why I keep on asking, however, I think of that as if he's on his rest day and yet he will still think of his company or work because of me opening the topic.

It's kinda lonely right now since I will force myself not to see my Sweetieby for almost 3days starting tomorrow. I'll see to it that I will follow that too because I want to stop telling him about work and money.

6.) I don't want to go home early if I have nothing to do because I'll only see and hear my dadidudez with tol downstairs and I'll just miss my Sweetieby so much that I always wanted to talk to him on the phone longer even if he's so sleepy already due to his work. I always feel the guilt of letting my Sweetieby stay awake because of me.

Happy Birthday Sweetieby!!

May 13, 2006 - Happy birthday Sweetieby!! :)












*Kaching* /gg >:)

Burberry Launch ^-^

Burberry Launch @ Fiamma Bar. I've got some of their contact numbers!! >:) Been the usherette, it was really kewl! :P I saw lots of purr-tee gurls and models too. Hihi!! Cookie Monster Modeee!!! >:D

"Selfish"

Just want to share my feelings right now with my blog because I just can't handle the pain I'm feeling right now. My Dad called over the phone and the maid woke me up. After our conversation, Sweetieby called over and I was still at my bed, pressing my face on the pillow, sleepy, so I was kinda saying those "hmm" thingy.

It breaks my heart when I learn that my Sweetieby is the first guy who told me that I'm "Selfish".

Yes, I've tried my best, but for him, it's not.
Yes, I've always ask him if he's ok or if there's any problem, but for him, it's not.

He asked me if I still love him? Why? Am I not giving him enough love?

.......

Thanks Sulley!

Sulley, thanks for the advice. I'll keep that in mind.

1 Comments:
Sulley :) said...
hey napadaan lang.. chismoso ako eh hehe actually just browsing around lang and nakita ko toh..just my two cents... you cant be plastic in a relationship.. why would you pretend to be someone your not?? that would be like he is in a relationship with another person and not you... white lies are still lies no matter how you look at them... not being able to voice out your problems with your love one means you dont trust him, if he doesnt want to hear them and just wants to have the good side in a relationship that can never happen.. everything has its ups and downs thats why you have each other to hold on to.. you can never be ok if you have a problem.. you can only BE ok if you you don't have any :)

Haayyy...

Due to some personal stuffs and rants I want to put here, I might change my blog's URL.

I just can't talk to the phone with my Sweetieby right now. I'm so scared. I heard him throw his things all over his room. I don't want to let him know that I'm shaking, crying, and scared of what he did. So I just texted him what I want to say.

He even doesn't know that he was the one who gave me strength and make me feel ok in all I do and feel even if I am sometimes down and a little confused. I bet he didn't hear that when I told him over the phone. I felt that he can't understand that. Yes, I rant to him because I want to depend and rely on him but how can I if he always wants me to be ok immediately? I'm not that kind of person, I am ME!! I just want to be ME!! Haayyy..

It is because I love Sweetieby so much that makes me say to him that I will prove to him that I will be strong and be a better person for him even if I can't do that 100%. Yes, I love him more than anything else that's why I'm doing this - I will try not to rant and depend on him right now, in that way, he won't tell me that I'm not following his advices where in fact, I am following all his advices. All he knew was that I'm not following it. Damn!! He didn't even now I was following all his advices and that he comforts me everytime I depend and rely on him with my rants and problems. Anyway, I thank him for that.

"Right now, I'm already decided!! Being a "Plastic" is ok sometimes, white lies maybe? I will prove to him that I'm always ok by not telling him any of my problems and rants. I won't depend on him and I will stand on my own feet (without Sweetieby), I will find other ways to let my downs, rants and problems out myself. All by myself! Amen!!"

*Whew* Wish me luck!!

...Can't Do...

I JUST CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT!!!!! HAAYYY... WHEN WILL I LEARN?!?!? WHEN WILL I UNDERSTAND??? HOW WILL I CHANGE MYSELF TO A BETTER ONE?????

I'm so pissed off with myself "again". Doing things that are not always right seems that I can't be the right girl for my Sweetieby. Damn! Of all the things I did, I just can't do it right!! I keep on asking myself what my Sweetieby always ask me.."Ano ba ako sayo?", "Do I deserve this?", "Bakit mo ako ginaganito?", "Anu pa ba ang kelangan kong gawin? Binigay ko na lahat ng support ko sayo.", "Ano pa ba ako sayo?", "So, pano na to ngayon?", and etc. Do I lack something from my Love? I really can't find any answers when he starts to question me those things. I love my Sweetieby so much, but I think I'm not the right girl for him because I can't seem to do things right!! Laging mali lahat ng ginagawa ko!!!

Yes, I want to rely on him, until when???
Yes, I love my Sweetieby, but I can't do things right!!!!!

There are lots of things inside my mind right now. Sometimes the thought creeps in that I shouldn't have met my Sweetieby after all that maybe he would have a better life without me. This might sound crazy but that's how I really feel.

Yes, I love my Sweetieby so much that's why I want to give him the best of everything!!
Yes, I can't leave my Sweetieby because I love him so much and he's been a great part of me...
Yes, He is always inside my heart...

Oh well......

Diploma @ MRT Station

What's with this Newspaper? Well, it's my Diploma at MRT Station!! :) Hehe! Every morning, lots of people used to get this newspaper and when they get to the train, all they do was read it. So, I got one for myself too! ^^ At MRT, I watch people going in and out of the train and suddenly realize that the day passes by so fast and people are too busy each day, to struggle throughout the day and meet new challenges in their lives.

Marina :P~

2 and a half Rice pleaseee!! >:)
Baked Oyster with Garlic and Butter; Shrimp; and Ginataang Pla-Pla.. Yummy!! :P~

Chick ^-^

Weee! I got the baby chick toy I've always wanted to have since I started to commute. :) All you have to do is turn the key, put it on any surface and it will start to walk and uses its beak to tap. It is really cute and I can't stop playing it!! ^^ Hihi!

To Kyle.

Wish I could be the one
The one who could give you love
The kind of love you really need
Wish I could say to you
That I'll always stay with you
But baby that's not me
You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you
Promise you forever, baby that's something I can't do
Oh I could say that I'll be all you need
But that would be a lie
I know I'd only hurt you
I know I'd only make you cry
I'm not the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

I hope someday you can
Find some way to understand I'm only doing this for you
I don't really wanna go
But deep in my heart I know this is the kindest thing to do
You'll need someone who'll be the one that I could never be
Who'll give you something better
Than the love you'll find with me
Oh I could say that I'll be all you need
But that would be a crime
I know I'd only hurt you
I know I'd only make you cry
I'm not the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

Leaving someone when you love someone
Is the hardest thing to do
When you love someone as much as I love you

Oh I don't wanna leave you
Baby it tears me up inside
But I'll never be the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

Baby, its never ganna work out
I love you, goodbye

State of Emergency

The "State of Emergency" was declared by GMA this afternoon. Here are some photos I took from Villamor Air Base, Fort and Edsa Shrine. I was on my way to work; everywhere is traffic and lots of work and schools are closed especially in Makati. For me, my work doesn't have any excuses since I was in real estate. In fact, there are lots of sales when there's happenings such as today, rallies, welga, coup'd etat, people's power and stuffs. We've also talked to the armies to allow us to go inside the Villamor (Newport City) where my work was, but they just refused and turned us down. There are lots of armies, SWATS, tanks, and their equipments in the street; they were all armed with guns and ammos. You'll see media and press' around; RPN9, TV Patrol, GMA7, and etc. giving their own reports and interviewed some of the high ranked people. Sad to say, I don't know their names but I saw them and even talked to them by giving my invitations.

Casper?! -___- My Sweetieby, got mad at me, since I totally understand him because he was so worried for my safety but still I insist to go their by myself because of my "Imagination" thingy that my Sweetieby was always there beside me. I almost thought that he's gonna leave me because of what I just did; I panic and got scared than of the happenings today. /swt




*Tanks*


TV Patrol near Edsa.


Edsa Shrine early in the morning.


Song: "Gloria Step Down". This was taken beside our car.






GMA7 news reporter making his reports.

...Thank You...

Mami Teray - My one and only "Shock Absorber"!! Thanks for all the patience you've given me; the love, care, understanding, trust, faith, and your ears to listen everytime I rant. What can I say?! You're the best!! When I say it, I mean it!! You know me pretty well mami teray, I know you read me already, that's enough to prove the things I've just said. I don't know how to thank coz until now, he's been with me and he never did leave me despite of all my problems and rants. This guy is the only one who can take whatever I do. Why? It's because I haven't heard him say anything on me even if I know that sometimes I hurt him so badly and I shout on him; still you won't hear anything but he'll comfort you instead and make you smile. He has everything that no one can ever give to anyone else. Thanks for everything mami teray and I would also like to say sorry.

Smile :)

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you.

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile if you just smile.