Saturday, August 06, 2005

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Defeated

Right now, as I write this topic.. I couldn't help to think that I was defeated. I thought things would be great since my Sweet told me that he would still marry me. I was so happy to know that at first because my plan is working accordingly but the saddest part was my Sweet left me. It was at my lowest and I have nothing that he left me. That hurts me so much, my Sweet could've stayed if my credit card didn't exceed and if I have money to give him! T_T Why is it so unfair? When all I did was to give him everything that I could so he wouldn't leave me. But here I am... He left me alone because I wasn't able to give him the motherboard and

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Thanks! ^^






I just want to thank my Sweet for making this happen! "Weightless Is My Strength" has also been one of the reason why I was inspired in everything I do. Honestly, I'm only motivated and inspired when I know my Sweet is always with me, I was really draged to work hard and give me the strength to face all the difficulties I'm experiencing everyday! I love you so much Sweet! Mwah! :x

Monday, May 16, 2005

NagLILIHI?!

ANG HIRAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!

Friday, May 13, 2005

My First Tripping!! ^^


It's been almost three days when I keep on looking for a place to rent, and now, I can't believe I'm on my first tripping at Fairview! ^^ Weeeee!! :D It was really adventurous since it "wasn't" really located at Fairview, luckily, I had xav convoy with us because I was somewhat scared to be with a service FX.. -__- It was kinda tiring too, but I know it was worth to find a place where I can buy one. I'm so excited with my plans. ^-^ hihi.. Wish me luck! ;)

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

May3 - Fiesta @ Pampanga


My Insu Family!! ^-^


Tagay namin ni Sweet kow!! >:D

Friday, April 15, 2005

Bataan Outing [April9-11]

Summer is HEREEE!! April and May, my favorite month that's full of gimiks, trippings and everything day and night that adds spice with the warm heat of the sun are neverending daydream and wishes I had! :D Let me share my first unforgettable outing with my Sweet! :P

A memorable experience of 2-nights and 3-days adventure with my Sweet!! Sun, stars, sand, sea, fun, shells, views, falling stars, bon-fire, ghost, gin, pillow, e
xcitements and food. :)

April 9, 2005

After I log-in at work, me and my bro went to buy some snacks at the parco grocery before going home to meet with our other inzans. I thought we weren't able to come because that very day, our mum and aunt was looking for some pearl we couldn't find. My mum got mad when she knew we were going to Bataan.

We had our siege at JCI shop in the afternoon and had some dinner at SM manila food court. There has been a girl who is cute, singing in the platform. I think her friends saw me when I keep on looking and staring at her, that made me concious. -__-

Alas, we hit the road at around 8:30pm. I was sitting in front of dex's car with my Sweet beside me. *drools* :P~ When we were on the highway, our wind shield got fogged and we can't see anything so we had to pull aside the side road to clean the mirror. The road was kinda scary that looks like a ghost town when it starts to become late because it was very dark and we can't barely see the road. We arrived at Bataan at around 12am. Some fell asleep while some drink the whole dawn. I slept beside my Sweet! ^^



April 10, 2005
The one I've been dreaming of!! To start a day seeing the person who gives you the reason every morning to smile. ;) When I woke up, I saw my Sweet beside m
e sleeping as I starts toooo...*purrr* =^^=


Our first group picture ;)

Before we had lunch, kuya jords arrived to be with us. We traveled for almost an hour-30mins. land transpo and 30mins. water transpo from Bataan going to White Sand.


My "PRECIOUSSS" art!! >:D




Plant Monsters!! :P~










Bahay-Kubo namin!! :D


Bon-fire :P This is new! :) We had a bon-fire after we had our dinner. They shared a lot of ghost stories that made me scared so much because I felt something is there within us. It's true! At first, the circle was big and it becomes so small. Since we had a big circle, I can feel 'it' already, that's why I can't talk too much and I had to stay beside my Sweet all night.








My Sweet Lauriat and me!! >:D

April 11, 2005
Waahhh! Back to Manila. T_T I was with my Sweet the whole day and siege at the JCI shop with my Sweet Weightless. ^^

It was really something to be with my Sweet in this adventure. :) I enjoyed so much and I get to spend my time with my Baby Sweet Lauriat even if its only for 3days straight. I wish there would be another one coming. hahaha! Though..I'm not sure if this will also be my first and last adventure to be with my Sweet. Wah!! I don't want to be a sour-grape here. Anyway, it's a great adventure with my Sweet I'm sharing here, I'll really treasure this one. ;) Thanks for sharing this wonderful experience with me Sweet!! Mwah! :x

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Friday, April 01, 2005

April Fools Day

April is said to be derived from Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of love, so April is the month of love. April begins with a day of fun and jokes - April Fool's Day.

This first day of the month has cause me to lose two persons I loved and I know I had to try to be tough and start to adjust my own way of living. Anyway, I have some shots taken here since everyone has it's own partner. ^^



The Icon Tower in which I took a shot viewing the whole Eastwood City! ^^


I borrowed a pen to write something on the wall of Icon Tower. It's really too high to climb on it! :D ehehe..

When bro and I was about to go home. We almost had an accident which the car swerved so hard at the right side of a narrow street in which we haven't seen the poll infront of us. I shouted "BRO!" while I was talking with bayz at the phone that time. The car starts to zigzag and the engine is about to stop. Whew! I thought that was the end! Luckily, there's no car behind us. But it was really an experience since I don't know why I'd like to feel the danger that time. I just thank God we're safe!

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Monday, March 28, 2005

My pRO Wedding!! /lv (*Ü*)

Monday, March 28,2005
[12:31:28am]


I was shocked when my Sweet asked me to save in west kafra prontera. I passed my 1.5M zenny to him and we went to church silently. I was really speechless that night since I was about to marry my Sweet Weightless in-game!! My dream came true!!! (*Ü*) I hope there will come a time that I'd be able to see me and my Sweet in an IRL wedding too!! hahaha! peace sweet! Ü_V


Our honeymoon in Orcville! This is where we had our first date in RO too. /lv =^^=




After the honeymoon, we went to tambayan. ^^ Takaw mo Sweet!! /pif

Our dress can only be wear for an hour. We had a ring that has skills which can summon one another beside them. It is really kewl!! Me and my Sweet Weightless have tried it especially in Geffen, Comodo and Prontera. (*Ü*) Waahhh.. This is really a dream come true to me and I can't forget this day!! (*Ü*)

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Song For The Day-2 ^^

Aerosmith - I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Where every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Lying close to you, feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what your dreaming
Wondering if it's me your seeing
And then I kiss your eyes, and thank God we're together
I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you
And I don't wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you, right here with you
Just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Another Day To Shed A Tear

I can’t stop myself from crying since last night, I realized that it’s not easy to love someone when you know he’s cold, no communication, and you feel that he doesn’t value you somehow. A minute or a second of greeting that would even hurt him so much if he did. Name? Oh, I don’t want to mention it but let me tell you that he’s the guy I’ve been wanting to be with in my life, my boyfriend, my fiancé, and my soon-to-be husband. I loved this guy so much and I even gave him ‘all’ of me that is because I love him so much more than anything in this world. My body isn’t following all my systems and my heart hurts so much knowing that I can’t even feel his presence even though he’s there. A tear I shed everyday for my love means so much to me. A tear, my friend, to ease a little pain that I feel when it starts to come down from my eyes. Yes, the pain would go temporarily away but it wouldn’t stop there until you’ve been with your love one again. Imagining and daydreaming that you and the one you love are back in each other arms again. If you ever wonder, this is ‘ME’ and this is ‘TRUE’. Equation? My Sweet = My World & Everything. I loved him so much!!

Monday, March 14, 2005

Unfinished Posts (Part2)

It's all about a commercial of "Weightless Crystal Spring Water"!! :P~


Nakakalasing ba ang "Weightless Crystal Spring Water" Baby ko?! Why are you blushing?! >:D Wakakakak

Unfinished Posts (Part1)

I just want to share these unfinished posts. It's really kewl!! >:D


Have you ever seen a Tinkerbell fan?! :D Take a peek!! =^^=


Shot1 - He was shocked!! /omg


Shot2 - I thought I saw a Tinkerbell! ^^


Shot3 - I did!! I did!! I did saw a Tinkerbell!! /heh :D

Friday, March 11, 2005

I Hate This Blog!! T_T

It's because of you BLOG!! T_T My Sweet left me!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE YOU BLOGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! T_T

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Song For The Day-1 ^^

Utada Hikaru - First love
Saigo no kisu wa tabako no flavor ga shita

Nigakute setsunai kaoriAshita no imagoro ni wa
Anata wa doko ni irun darouDare wo omotterun darou
You are always gonna be my love
Itsuka darekato mata koi ni ochitemo
I'll remember to love you taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love songu
Atarashii uta utaeru made
Tachidomaru jikan gaUgoki dasouto shiteru
Wasuretakunai kotobakari
Ashita no imagoro niwa
Watashi wa kitto naite iru
Anatawo omotterundarou
You will always be inside my heart Itsumo anata dake no basho ga aru kara
I hope that I have a place in your heart too
Now and forever you are still the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
Atarashii uta utaeru made
You are always gonna be my love
Itsuka darekato mata koi ni ochitemo
I'll remember to love you taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Mada kanashii love song
Now and forever

My Perfect Shot!! >:D

Whoaaaaa!! *Drools* :P~


Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! >:D *~ParFaiT~* wears my favorite dress! :D I hope someday she can wear this in RO like the other girls too. /lv ^^

I Understand...

I was looking for my contract at my tigger bag when I saw a yellow dinosaur. I play it for awhile since I remembered that my Sweet gave it to me. ^^ Just want to say that I'll try to understand my Sweet...and...I just love him so much!! It's here where I can only tell him I love him so much and I missed him so much... Need to bear with all my problems first until my Sweet comes back coz it's too complicated and I can't share it to my Sweet for now. *zipppppeddddd* ^-^ Love you and miss you Sweetieeeee!! ^^

GMA 7, A Big WAAHHH!! T_T

Waahhh.. My officemates and I was cornered by those GMA camera man and interviewer as we go to Mcdo this lunch. -__- I really don't want to be interviewed but the guy who was kinda in-charge with them insisted! Grrr!! They locked me up to a corner and he started to roll the camera!! T_T I had almost 3-cuts from the camera since at first, they took a shot of me saying "Anu sasabihin ko?!" (with my hands up). -__- The man who was in-charge told the camera man to stop. -__- Sis Cheska told me that I shouldn't worry coz she'll coach me to what I should answer and that made me kinda nervous. The guy who's in-charge shouted to roll again and the first question was: "Are you beautiful?", I couldn't answer and look at Sis Cheska coaching me to say "Yes!", so I answered "Yes!". -__- The man who's in-charge there said "Cut!" again. -__- The girl told me that I should answer in complete. Before the camera starts to roll again, Sis Cheska coached me to say "Yes, I am beautiful!", so copy what Sis Cheska coached me. T_T Waahhh!! A big WAAHHH!!! T_T Huhuhu.. After the interview, I just can't believe I've just said "Yes, I am beautiful!!". @_@ Grrr!! I hate that whoever is in-charge guy!! /PIF

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Reminiscin'... Ü (Part3)

After browsing my whole blog, I felt happiness and sadness joined together as they fly in the air around me. I missed how my Sweet had loved me. T-T My tears can't stop falling while I try to compose this message. I can feel the BIG difference from what my Sweet is at the past to the present. I just wish I can have my Sweet back to what he is to the past and how he loves me so much. I am trying my best but I can't seem to get some of his time because he hangs around with his friends and others than me. I don't even know where he's going everynight. It really hurts to know when the others know where he has been or where he was where in fact I'm his gurlfriend who doesn't even know anything when they ask me. I just wish my Sweet would be open with me like what he's sharing with his friends. I want to feel I'm his gurlfriend. I want to have him back to how he loves me in the past. T-T I missed my Sweet whom I known for so long.. T-T

How Come?

1.) How come my Sweet told me that he can't text when I heard someone saying he texted him/her?
2.) How come my Sweet keeps on telling me that he doesn't have money, as in 0 money when he plays at 129 and almost every night he's out?

How can I be such a fool?! Am I just pushing myself to my Sweet when he doesn't love me anymore? He's been different, oh yeah, I know! I don't even know my Sweet now. Why is he into that "bangbus" thing?? That's bad right? I saw it at the site!! Am I so gullible?

*Sigh*

Just stay calm angel!! You might take some medicines again just to forget all your problems! Sheesh!! I just love my Sweet so much, while he doesn't even know that and he doesn't even see that! Oh God! I'm panicking again!! Dammit!! More pills!!!!!!!

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Weightless Is Different From Now On

It has been yesterday since we had a talk and I'm really happy to be with him. Lots of things has been changed since my Sweet Weightless starts to smoke and he won't be my Sweet as I used to know. He didn't even return my I love you to me. I must learn to accept that!! Btw, my mum is asking for our birth certificates and transcript of records this afternoon. I was expecting my Sweet would support me and calm me instead he just told me these things...

"yun nga. ayaw mo pero wala kang magagawa. goodluck na lng just in case."

"how can i help u if u wont help urself. cnabi ko na sau wat 2 do pero may consequence pla and takot ka, anong magagawa ko?"

"ano ba gusto mo sabhin ko? syempre ayaw kong umalis ka. pero if ganyan ka and parang wala nang pag asa ano naman magagawa ko? kaht pa pigilan kta ano magagawa ko?"

The words of my Sweet is striking, it is as if he doesn't care if I'm gone, but I don't want to think like that even if he told me that "goodluck nalang just in case". I don't even know if he still loves me or if he still needs me. In that case, I'm thinking if I'll accept my mum's offer. I think I might. All I'm asking is that my Sweet would support me or calm me...but NO! T-T *sigh* I'm so down I have no one to share with this problem. I need my Sweet to understand me, he just can't... T-T Support lng naman ask ko if hindi ko pinadala ung mga requirements ko, I can't fight this on my own, I need my Sweet's support and someone to calm me down... T-T Like I said...I should accept that my Sweet won't be the one whom I used to know... T-T I missed my old Sweet so much... T-T

Thursday, March 03, 2005

/swt T-T

What am I talking about awhile ago? I just can't leave my Sweet!! T-T I need him and I love him!!!!!! T-T I won't give up!! T-T

A Liar

“…If the feeling is gone... Pls. don’t pretend... That you still love me... I can see it in your eyes... Though you try to conceal it... I can tell that the feeling is gone… All I ask… I just a little honesty… Though I know… That you’re not coming back to me… You know... I’ll do anything to make you stay… But I just have to let you go… If the feeling is gone…”

“…I’m so tired of being here… Suppressed by all my childish fears… And if you have to leave… I wish that you would just leave… Coz your presence still lingers here... And it won’t leave me alone…”

After hearing lots of songs, I’ve realized that my Sweet won’t come back to me anymore because of me being “A Liar”. It’s the end and I must face it. I still can’t accept the things he told me maybe because it was true that I’m a liar, I’m a pok-pok, I’m not a good girlfriend to him and, etc. Well, it’s true, I’ll just have to agree with him about that. Now, my Sweet can’t seem to forgive me even if time pass by. I’m trying not to expect too much and I shouldn’t expect my Sweet would come back to me. I should try to absorb that we’re really through from what he said to me “he wants me to leave him” and “he doesn’t love me anymore”. I know he hates liar, but I just want to say that I’m really sorry for myself because I wasn’t able to tell my Sweet about Artwork and because I tend to be “FORGETFUL” especially whenever I’m with my Sweet. I told my Sweet about me being forgetful many times but I think he won’t believe me that because to him I’m a liar. Why should I force myself to my Sweet when he doesn’t want me anymore? I know it’s time that I should accept things even if I know it hurts so much. I know that I let him touch me already and those things we have shared are the ones that will always remain in me. I won’t find another guy because I won’t let them know that someone has already touched me. That’s a promise I must keep or else to others, they’ll still call me pok-pok like what my Sweet told me “I’m a pok-pok”. It’s pulling me down and I could taste the soil, squeezing myself in the ground whenever I remember that. Everything is not going to be easy but I know it’s about time to let go when the person you love doesn’t love you anymore. I have to set him free if he wants to, that’s when you’re love will be happy. I can’t even change my Sweet anymore since he’s mind is already closed that I’m a liar. I can’t even prove to him since he doesn’t believe me anymore and how can I prove if he’s not here and if he won’t give me a chance? Let me clear this that it’s not that I’m giving up but there are times I should do what my Sweet wants. If he wants to leave me, I must learn not to force him not to leave me even if I like him to stay. First things first, if I forced him, he won’t be happy with me and we’ll just end up fighting like my parents. To what I saw from my parents, my mum still loves my dad, but my dad wants to be free, my mum won’t let go of dad, so my dad and mum tends to fight. It’s not easy to leave a person who’s been a part of me and who’s been always there to help me but I can’t ask my Sweet to stay with me if he doesn’t want to. It’ll just hurt the both of us, but if I’ll let go of my Sweet as what he wish for, I know I can see and feel he’s happiness that might help me understand him that he wants me to set him free could lead him to his happiness. I’ll just have to bear with this pain and I’ve been regretting for many days and crying all day long in my bed to what I did. Look what I've done?! I shouldn’t be forgetful!! T-T

Things I must face:
1.) My Sweet won’t come back to me anymore.
2.) My Sweet can’t forgive me even time pass by because to him I’m a liar.
3.) Anytime, my Sweet will have a new girlfriend.
4.) I’m a pok-pok!!

5.) He don't love me anymore.

6.) He wants me to leave him.
7.) He told me "Kahit na dinudugo ka na dyan or dugo na iniiyak mo dyan, wala akong paki-alam sayo!!"
8.) He gave all his word to me. T-T

These coming days, I should start to face these things since I need to understand my Sweet that he wants me to set him free and he doesn’t love me anymore. I must, because he already did this to Darlene and Baby Ria. It’s because they lied to my Sweet that lead them for break-up. That means I’m the third girl… T-T I couldn’t accept I’ve lost the one I love and to think I thought my Sweet is my destiny already. Now, I have to say it’s goodbye to our wedding too. I know my Sweet so well, if what he thinks it is, that’s fixed and cannot be changed. He already gave his word to me. T-T I’ve almost have 8,000php for our wedding for it was my surprise to him but it’s too late…I’ve lost my Sweet… T-T

I hope things will go well for you Sweet… I know you want me to leave you na and you can’t afford to stay with me because I’m a liar… But soon or one of these days if you’ll have a new girlfriend, pls. do tell her don’t be like me… T-T If she hurts you, I might be the one to kill her myself!! T-T

My last few words…
“Sweet, I’m really sorry if I’ve been “forgetful”… Sorry if that means a lie to you… I’m regretting too much for being not a good girlfriend for you...I could have been good..but even if I’m not, I just want to tell you that I’ve really tried my best… Nasira lang ako sa sobrang makalimutin lalo na pagkasama kita nawawala ako sa sarili ko… Anyway, I hope in time you can read this… Honestly, I can’t promise myself that I can move on because you’ve been a part of me..so much…and I can’t accept that you’re gone… We’ve been together for almost a year and still, it’s been engraved inside me and no one can take that away from me..not even if I die… I won’t donate my heart… =_) You'll always be my Idol and my Sweet and who'll still be loving you secretly... Thanks for bearing with me for a year Sweet… It really means so much to me… I’m going to miss you… and… Don’t you ever forget…that… I love you so much…”

“…So before I let you go…I want to say…I love you…”

“…Letting go…is just another way to say…I’ll always love you so…”

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Emptiness Within

I shouldn’t put this message here but my heart says I should. My heart beats faster and faster, I can taste the hurt and the blood that’s pumping inside my heart that could clog and stop my breath in any minute.

I don’t know if I’m still in my Sweet’s heart… T-T I feel so empty and lost without my Sweet… I want him to be beside me, I want to feel him and hug him so tight as if I don’t want to let go!! I have to accept the fact that it’s going to be like I don’t have a reason to wake up each day. T-T If only I can turn back the hands of time to do the things correctly. If I were given a chance, I’d really prove to him that I’ve changed. If only he can forgive me but it’s too late… T-T I hope he would still talk to me and try to fix things. I missed him so much… T-T

Monday, February 28, 2005

My Last Message If I Wasn't Able To Make It

It started when my Sweet broke up with me because of those stupid things I did. I just asked bro to help me talk with my Sweet Weightless since my Sweet won't let me come back to him. Until now, the words that my Sweet told me like "I don't love you anymore!!" was still inside my heart, inside my veins, vessels, blood and body that flows around and around. Why do I love my Sweet so much even though I know he don't love my anymore? Why am I forcing him to love me when he don't love me anymore? Why can't I afford to lose him? T-T I know those answers but I want the answers to remain with me until I die. Btw, what happened between Sis Shaela and me is ok with me because I understand her attitude. I asked for forgiveness to Sis Shaela many times even if we were ok. I know Sis Shaela has lots of rants and whines and things to say about her boyfriend Sieg too and I'm not the kind of person who'll backstab someone even if they did something wrong to me and even if Sieg said some things that hurted me so much in my thread. Also, my Sweet told me not to fight with other guys in Insu Guild or else, he's the one I'll be facing with. Anyway, yesterday, Feb. 26, 2005, I decided to buy tranquilizer at different kinds of drugstores after me and my Sweet talked over my cellphone. The saleslady was so mean that they wouldn't allow me to buy it since they saw my eyes are swollen. They even told me that I should have a prescription from a doctor first. I really need it so badly and I asked them again and again but I just end up with no tranquilizer to help me calm to my heart. So I decided to take some other medicine pills to overdose myself. I know this is a bad thing to do but I know I'm bad too! Bad gurls should be exterminated!! Tonight, Feb. 27, 2005, I decided to take lots of medicines such as my first trial will be the "Tylenol". If it doesn't work, I'll try to buy some cough syrup and drink the whole of it. I'm afraid to know when the time comes if my Sweet won't come back to me and if he has found another gurl that's better than me and replace me. I've trusted my Sweet so much, one explain should be enough for me but maybe I just couldn't control my tone that makes him think that I'm doubting him. I couldn't even choose the right word on how to say it. I know regrets will always be at the end.

@Sweet
Hi Sweet! Sorry if I have to do this. I just can’t afford to lose you. You’ve been a part of me and kaw idol ko simula nung nakilala pa lng kita!! I still reminisce the things happened to us from the day we’ve met until now. Sorry if I’ve never been a good and perfect howe for you… Always remember that all that happens to us are not a lie… I love you so much!

Saturday, February 26, 2005

I Made My Own Nightmare

Like what my Sweet told me "you made your own nightmare". I don't know what I feel right now. Hurt is the best way to describe it. I just hurt my Sweet so much that I couldn't accept it. My Sweet even told me not to call him "Sweet" anymore and we're through. I cried so hard but it seems I wasn't able to release them myself knowing my Sweet left me because of the stupid things I've made. My Sweet even told me "I don't love you anymore!"; "tom. morning hahanap na ako agad ng gurlfriend!" and "Even if dugo na ang iyak o luha mo dyan or dinudugo ka na,wala akong paki-alam sayo!" It really makes me hurt so much since he told me those things. I asked for help from bro but it seems that he wasn't able to help me that much. My Sweet told me that "I promised your bro that I won't leave you". I still don't know what to do until now hindi pa rin sya nagpaparamdam saken. The things he told me was so clear to me and I couldn't forget those striking words he said. It was engraved in my heart after he told me that. I just wish my Sweet Weightless will still come back to me one of these days because I really really need him so much now. I was still a bit shaky since I'm scared that my Sweet would find another gurl for him. I just don't know what to do right now. I'm so lost and it's like I'm in the middle of nowhere trying to find my Sweet in a desert... I love him so much and he's been a part of me... I don't know what to do if I lost him. If that happens, I want to end my life as well... I just couldn't take it that I've lost the one I truly love... :(

Friday, February 18, 2005

First Anniversary!! :D

Me and my Sweet Weightless celebrates our First Anniversary!! :D Wakokoko!


My Sweet Weightless sleeping.. -_-


The Sunset at Baywalk when we got there in the afternoon. We had some lechon manok, iced tea, soup and rice that's enough for both of us while we enjoy the ambience!! ^^

I love you so much my Baby Sweet Weightless!! :D

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

...Shaky...

Again.. I've been shaking because I kept on panicking about my Sweet. I know he's not gonna talk to me again since I already gave my word. He's so mad at me knowing I envy his cousin so much. In fact, I shouldn't be expecting my Sweet to come back since he doesn't even know how and he doesn't love me anymore. "Pinilit lng kasi sya nila Kaye and Elon na magkabalikan kami eh...", that's why I know my Sweet doesn't love me anymore. I was to marry my Sweet but..it came to my mind that my Sweet doesn't love me for who I really am. "Sino masasandalan ko? masasabihan ng problema?" I know I'll regret this for life!! I should've marry him eventhough I know he doesn't love me. "Sumakay nalang sana ako, edi sakin ka pa sana kaht hindi mo ako mahal..." that's what my heart is saying right now while I'm shaking. I think I need to calm down to stop this shaky thing because of panicking...

Kaye

Kaye was my Sweet's cousin. I just broke up with my Sweet because of just two things.. "jealousy" and "selfishness". My Sweet doesn't even understand why I envy his cousin so much. These are the lists:
1.) My Sweet spends most of his time with his cousin than me.
2.) His cousin can laugh and have a joke with him.
3.) His cousin can persuade him not to drink (alcohols).
4.) His cousin can emote, open up, and share things.
5.) Can persuade my Sweet easily.

Why can't my Sweet understand that? I'm just sharing him those things when he asked me to share it with him. Funny..

Monday, February 14, 2005

Valentines Date!! /lv


This has been my first unforgettable IRL date! :) I really won't forget this day since my date was my Sweet Weightless! :D It's been different for us because last valetines day Feb. 14, 2004 was the day we dated at Orcville, now, it's an IRL date!! ^^ hihi..


Here's my Sweet Weightless fixing our pc at home where he finds himself with a friend. :P After we fixed our pc, we went to Nigel's shop to siege then we went straight to Baywalk. We had our dinner at Shakey's and ordered a package that's good for 4 person!! hahaha! That's kewl! :P~ I kept some pictures and paste some of Shakey's receipts and spaghetti monster meatballs advertisements at my Weightless Diary too! :D

It's truly different though!! (*Ü*)

Thursday, February 10, 2005

I Missed My Old Sweet Weightless

Like the title says..”I Missed My Old Sweet Weightless…” so much… Honestly, I hate to say this but he’s been different now. Things aren’t the same since the day I’ve first met him, only in my past and to reminisce will help me taste and bring back my Sweet Weightless. I always remember that my Sweet would be always there for me, who is a sweet guy, who understands me, who helps me with all the things I need, who supports me, who loves me for who I am, who loves me very much, who knows I’m somewhat ‘makulit’, who knows that I love him so much, who know that we share a lot of things, who knows that we always have a time to have some bonding and open up topics, etc. I couldn’t mention all the things here or else this might not come to an end. My Sweet Weightless has been a part of me. He helped with to move on and start a new life. I know my Sweet wouldn’t dare to understand these things I’m gonna say here but I do treasure these things so much. Why? Because, my Sweet Weightless has gave me another life to begin with. I thought I would end up my life! It’s too wasted, pressured, depressed, sad, hurting and pains. I could even remember how we we’re so inlove with each other, it is like an hour turns to minutes. I missed that so much… I just wish my Sweet Weightless would get back to his old self. Maybe our relationship would get even stronger if that happens.

To my Sweet:
Please do come back to the first Sweet Weightless I’ve met.. I know I can’t wish for it since you told me “nawawala na feelings ko sau” and “dapat break na tayo, pinigilan lng ako ni Elon”… T-T These words and sentence has strike my heart so much until now and that leads me to feel that my heart breaks into pieces, I thought I’m about to die, I felt it was real. It’s been so hard for me to accept these things when my Sweet doesn’t even know how to calm me down or even tell me that he didn’t mean to tell me those things at all. Instead, he’s just like “manhid”. I feel so insecure and I don’t know where to place myself right now… All I know is that..I want my Sweet Weightless back..!! T-T

Where Did I Go Wrong?!

Whole day, I’ve waited for my Sweet’s text but nothing came. I was too worried and I’m really panicking since I know that it’s another day of coldness. Luckily, I was surprised when he called me and told me that he just ran out of load in the late afternoon. It was the first time he told me “I Love You”..I was shocked because I keep on longing to hear that again from him. I know I shouldn’t be expecting too much since I know we’re not yet back with each other’s arm.

After the siege, I thought everything went well but since I wasn’t able to see his PM. He went mad and he told me he’d log-out immediately. How come he doesn’t understand that?!

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Coldness & Loneliness

It’s been almost a month, my Sweet is still cold with me. T-T He didn’t even know I was hurting, feeling lonely and cold since all he knew was he was punishing me because it was the right thing to do. I was mad at my kuya Dan and bro because they don’t know what they’re doing esp. bro doesn’t know how to say yes or no to what my Weightless told him. He just keeps on laughing, that makes me feel insulted! I know bro for so long and my kuya Dan has been gone too long for me to know him again. What I mean is..people do change and one thing I didn’t like, bro keeps on laughing, not serious on what’s happening that can cause “real” trouble. I can attest to that. Kyle and Kaye have been in a mutual understanding relationship. We didn’t know bro likes Kaye and now whenever Kyle talks with bro about on serious things, he just keeps on laughing and laughing that leaves me and Kyle thinking on what could be the reason. Kyle was just asking if he’s serious with Kaye, but he keeps on laughing? What the hell was that?? Now, my Sweet is doing the same thing what my kuya Dan is doing to me, since my kuya Dan knows nothing and if only my Weightless knew, me and my kuya Dan aren’t talking already. How dare my kuya Dan talk that way??? I don’t talk to my kuya Dan that much but how come?! My bro? He keeps on laughing and when we get to talk or find some bonding thing, that’s when the time he’ll say sorry to me. My Sweet doesn’t know that my bro was trying to stop our relationship..!!!!! *Sigh* I couldn’t even say that to my Sweet because I don’t think my Weightless would believe me on that!! Sheesh!!

Sunday, February 06, 2005

He Didn’t Show Up

I really wish my Sweet were drunk again so he could tell me things like “tom. You can purr..”, “ok, tom. I’ll bot your forger..” and stuffs. He told me last Thurs. we’d meet today, Saturday, in Eastwood but he didn’t show up. Everything hasn’t been falling into place, I expected too much since he told me he’d visit me in Eastwood today. I was so hurt since I thought I could be with my Sweet Weightless tonight. I waited until 11pm but I gave up. I was longing for him to say “I love you”, I was longing to feel him, and to be with him. I don’t know what to do… I haven’t heard the I love you from him for almost a month.. T-T I really miss my Sweet Weightless so much.. T-T

Thanks so much to Bayz, Sis Kaye and Kyle who went to Eastwood and gave me their company. If it wasn't for them, I might be crying until now and stuck at my bed...
____________________________________________________________

***: The walk along Eastwood was refreshing, but Parfait’s sad face made the fresh air and the warm smiles of the people absent to me. It was painful to feel her agony, and that I sympathize with her with all I can. <-------- Asa LJ entry ko
***: The songs Parfait sang were too much for me. I could see it in her eyes, that she feels the song in her, and sings her tears out through her voice. <---- eto pa

Saturday, February 05, 2005

A Confession...

I was longing for my Sweet to tell me how much he love me and my name “Sweet” but my too much expectation brought me to pain. Sad to say.. I wasn’t able to hear it from him until now since we had a fight three weeks ago. Anyway, I shouldn’t be sharing this here in my blog, but I just can’t help it… I was so inlove at the same time I knew I was just playing a trick on my mind that it was really true. My Sweet told me “maglalabas ako sayo… hindi kita pababayaan…”. I was actually stunned that time and I felt that I was to give in, until it was all there, I just remembered that he doesn’t love me anymore and..I had to tell him I’m scared…

A confession I had to make.. It was really something and longing to be heard by every woman. A love that will form between you and your love ones. If I just knew my Sweet loved me that much.. I could have given it to him already… I'm just scared he'll leave me alone... T-T

Move On Gurl..!!

Another day of struggling with hurt and pains I’m dealing with. I envy Sis Kaye coz my Sweet Weightless loves Kaye rather than me. They’ve been in Private Servers most of the time enjoying and leaving me alone in real RO World. Who am I to my Sweet anyway? Nothing.. Stupid me… I’m just a plain simple gurl who keeps on pushing and throwing myself to my Sweet Weightless who doesn’t even love me anymore. How can I get my Sweet Weightless back? It just hurt me to think that I’m the one who’s been following my Sweet since I know we’re having a one-way relationship. He doesn’t know how to say I love you to me, he doesn’t know how to love me for who I am, and he’s so damn “manhid”. I know that I’m the one who’s still cannot move on coz I love him so much and he’s been a part of me… I can’t afford to lose my Sweet…..

The day is about to end, new struggles of life will come in soon. I keep on telling me not to have any RO Sentimental from what my Sweet told me to. It’s been last year, Feb.14,2004 when I met my Sweet Weightless in RO. It was really a memorable day for me and ParFaiT! But.. I have to try to forget it since this month of February just makes me fall deeper and reminisce to how me and my Sweet Weightless met. I couldn’t even tell my Sweet that I remember those times in Orcville and stuffs or else I’m doomed. I told myself I shouldn’t expect anything since my Sweet Weightless won’t be inviting me and ParFaiT to spend a valentines date with him this coming Feb.14 in RO coz he’s been attached to the Private Server with his cousin and he doesn’t want any RO Sentimentals. If I’ll think of it, it’ll just break my heart and at the same time as for ParFaiT…
I wish I could just take majority of my feelings and love away from my Sweet Weightless so I can be just like him, “manhid” and that I can lessen the hurt and pains. It’s really a big risk, when that happens I might become cold to my Sweet… Like I said… I already found my destiny and..it was my Sweet Weightless…!! I just hope he feels the same way and he’ll believe me… But I just can’t tell him coz he will not believe me and he’ll get mad at me for saying these things. It’s really hard to share these things with the one you love when you are pushing yourself to the man you love when they don’t love you… It won’t mean anything to them instead they’ll only laugh at you.....

Friday, February 04, 2005

My Dad Knows...

I think my dad knows I have a problem. He asked me many times if I have any and he keeps on asking me if how's my work and stuffs. Since what's happening lately has been different..I woke up and went home with my eyes are swelling, down, depressed, can't rest and sleep, kyle calling home and listening to our conversations and etc.. I think it's about time I'd let my dad know about Weightless..but I can't let my Sweet face my dad coz I know He's not ready yet. My Sweet doesn't even know how to be with me and help me if I need him. How can I fight for him to my dad..? *sigh* Dad can feel anything... He knows me..that's what I'm afraid of...

Weightless = True Love?

Is Weightless my true love? Yes.. Indeed.. In fact, I can see him as the one who'll I stay with till I grow old. He's been a part of my life and it's hard to let go of the feeling when you know you already found the one who you want to be with till u die coz you found the love in him. But it only started to confused me since he's not here with me if I need him... Things I have to question..like, I can't be with someone who can't be with me on my side when I need him right? Things are so confusing lately.. But I really really love him even if he treats me like that... It's just that I'm so hurt..and it hurts so much to feel that you we're being dumped and he'll start to say "try to fix yourself" and stuffs even if you know the solution is just you want him to be there for you... T-T

...I Have No One To Turn To...

I missed my Weightless so much... I missed my old Sweet Weightless whom I first met... I don't have someone to turn to... I just hate when my Sweet told my Kuya Dan that he was the one who would be with me and adjust for me when my bro was gone when in fact, "he didn't"..plus..he also told Kuya Dan that I'd be always go online just to look for him and talk to him because I have no one here with me and bro is not here which is true.. But My Sweet just left me all alone... I think my Kuya Dan believed him.. I was so hurt since my Sweet has been a part of me and he's doing these things to me, like leaving me alone and not being here when I need him.. I'm still hurting to what's happening right now. I can't believe my Sweet doesn't love me anymore... and my Sweet keeps on insisting that I'd fix myself.. I already did.. I just need someone to be with me, who listens to me and to my problems.. I can't tell him how much I need his help coz I know only my Sweet can help me calm down..but I don't want him to get mad at me.. I'll make him see I can, even if I can't.. That's what I'm trying to say to myself that maybe he'll love me more when he sees I can handle things even if I don't. Though.. I can share all these things to someone else rather than sharing these to my Sweet Weightless or else he'll just get mad at me.. I just wish I had a boyfriend who listens to me, who cares for me, and who's always there when I need someone...

I Don't Feel Like Sending It

I was about to send Weightless and ParFaiT's Love Story to RO contest when my Sweet told me to forget about the RO sentimentals that I shouldn't treasure and think of anything that is with Weightless and ParFaiT... T-T I couldn't help but cry when my Sweet told me that. T-T I don't feel like sending it anymore so..I just want to post it here... T-T It's been a short one coz it should be wirtten (maximum by 300 words) only.. Here goes... T-T

" A new journey of life starts in Midgard. This is not only a Blacksmith & Priestess Tale but also “In Real Life”. We’ll never expect who will come to our lives, it may be our true love.

It started when I had my Swordie, I really wanted to have an elemental “Wind Katana” but I haven’t had enough zenny to buy one. Lucky, my friend traded some of my items and was able to give me “Weightless’s Wind Katana”. I was so happy that I owned a nice name inscribed on it! Until I became a Knight, I have to buy another elemental weapon, which is “Wind Pike”. So I shopped around Prontera to see if I can trade some of my items. After I walk around Prontera, a blacksmith caught my attention and in my shock, it was my idol Weightless vending his elementals! I went to talk to him many times if I can trade his elementals but Weightless keeps on turning down my offers. He’s somewhat “suplado”!

Then I made my Priestess to see if I can have his elemental trade but I was just turned down again. Until he invited me for RO date last 2/14/04. I was so speechless when my idol Weightless asked me, without hesitation I said “yes!”. He proposed to marry my priestess and decided we’d meet IRL. The time we met was love at first sight, I really can’t forget that day! We were so inlove!! /lv Thanks to RO!! :) "

There, so even if I wasn't able to submit it to RO.. still..I was able to post it here... I think I shouldn't believe in true love even if I do... T-T

No RO Sentimentals... T-T

It's been three weeks since me and my Weightless aren't going well.. I was really valuing the RO because I met my Weightless there. But the thing is my Sweet doesn't value it anymore. RO is nothing for him, but Private Server is all he always do and play leaving me alone in the real RO World. I was hurt when he told me not to value the RO stuffs. I should try to forget all what happened to us even if I don't like to. Maybe finding someone on game would be easy for me to move on to what is past from Weightless and ParFaiT... Ouch!! T-T

Sunday, January 30, 2005

A Letter For My Sweet Weightless...

I hope my Sweet would be able to read this someday... This message is also for you, my one and only love, Sweet Lyle Ham... Please forgive me if I have to say this here..but..since we're through and you're going to Davao.. I might go to the states too... I'll just need to ask for some informations, plans and I'm ready to go... I think I'll go back to my bro coz I don't have you with me already.... I don't have someone else... Sweet.. Sorry if I wasn't able to fit in with you..eventhough I've tried my best... It's really been a pleasure knowing "Weightless" and "You (John Lyle Daquino Ham)"... I just want you to know that knowing you is a dream come true.. Thanks for everything, thanks for all the things you've shared with me... I won't forget it... And... Please do remember... I love you... so much.... I'll always will....

Imagining..It's Still Me and You...

This is the second day of my "own" life. I can still remember the first day (Jan.27) when me and my Bad Kitty broke up. I felt like my heart broke into pieces that I was about to die.. All these days, I've been trying to deal myself knowing no one is beside me right now. My bro isn't home yet.. Everynight I always end up drunk... I don't have someone to turn to.. Luckily my Sweet has his cousin and friends to share with. I know my Sweet Weightless hates me for sharing my hurting that's why I still kept it until now.. I've been so sad, down, depressed, regretting, struggling, and hurting. I've been trying to keep myself busy, but still I can't help but involuntarily reminisce that makes me cry so much.. I've been used to with my Sweet always beside me... I hope he could hear me say..I need him so much..I want him beside me..I want his hug..I want him to be beside me... I guess these things will be impossible since he told me he's waiting for me to ask him to marry him, that's when he'll come back to me... It'll take a long way to go for me to save some money for our wedding.. I hope he can still wait for me..but if he wants to find somebody else, I'd have to set him free...

Friday, January 28, 2005

Game's Over.. T-T

It's been a week since last thurs. (Jan.20), we had a misunderstanding but today has been a bad day.. Me and my Sweet Weightless just broke up.. I made a wrong decision and it was all my fault... I can't help right now but stay in bed, hugging my willow while crying... T-T I don't know who I can talk to, who I can share my problems with, and..share my feelings with... My bro wasn't here either.. T-T I hope..I'd feel better.......... *silence is better* ...............

Friday, December 31, 2004

...New Years Eve...

It's almost year 2005. I thought it was a great new year's eve, but I'm wrong. To think that it's been a year since I want to be with my Sweet Weightless this new years countdown, he just got mad at me again. I feel like I've been broken into pieces since he keeps on shouting at me. I have no one to talk to, no one to share my problems with, and no one to calm me. I'm already scared on what's happening with my Sweet Weightless.. He has a deep anger on me that I don't know how to take it out from him. I just wish he'd understand me, but he won't let me speak or explain my side, instead, he just keeps on shouting at me.

He even told me to fix myself before he left me alone in prontera. Honestly, I am fixing and adjusting myself just for him but it seems that everything I do, for him it was a mistake. Why couldn't he listen to my side when I explain? I'm so scared now. He keeps on shouting at me since yesterday though..

Sunday, December 26, 2004

Friday, December 24, 2004

Xmas @ Eastwood With My Sweet!! ^^


Powerpuff gurlssssssssss!! Ü


Xmas Tree! :D